“I am going to do something about my drinking — just as soon as this is out the way.” .
I must have said that at least a hundred times 🙂
You know what it’s like: you have a lot on at work. Your partner’s feeling neglected. The fridge is empty and you have a to-do list longer than your arm. You want to stop drinking, but you’re so busy, it feels easier to put things off.
At this time of year – with Thanksgiving, Christmas and party season just around the corner – it’s easy to decide you’ll just forget about sobriety for now… but I hope this blog post motivates you to keep going. .
It’s not too late to make 2017 the year you kick alcohol out of your life!
This is a tough one to start with, but it needs to be said. We all have excuses about not being able to quit drinking, and being ‘too busy’ is the perfect kind of excuse, because it is kind of true – we ARE busy!
However, when we say we ‘don’t have time’ to address our drinking, we overlook the fact that alcohol itself is a massive time thief. And sometimes, busyness is just a cover for something else.
Looking back, I think I often chose to be busy, in order to not have to deal with important things, or get out of my comfort zone.
Get clear on how alcohol is dominating your time
You already know that you’re less productive when you’re hungover, making it even harder to get through your never-ending to do list. But alcohol gobbles up time in other places too.
How much of your day is taken up worrying about your drinking, or battling with yourself about whether you’ll drink? How much of your day is structured around alcohol and giving yourself opportunities to drink? How many hours are you losing because you have to factor in time to drink and time to recover?
Get super clear about this.
Treat yourself like a project
Whenever you want to change something about yourself, you have to make a bit of time for it. After all, you’ve got a journey to go through: you’ve got to educate yourself about alcohol, learn how to handle cravings and find some new coping mechanisms.
If you’re not drinking, you can afford to put aside 15-20 minutes a day for sober homework: reading, learning and planning how you’ll deal with different situations. Schedule this time in your diary, in the same way you would do a doctor’s appointment or a deadline at work.
There’s something uniquely powerful about dedicating time and space to your sobriety. It honours the journey you’re on, and makes it a priority in your life.
Say NO to stuff
Remember, some people go away to rehab so they can stop drinking without the distractions of everyday life. You’re doing this whilst getting on with normal, day to day living, so take it easy!
You can ask for help and you can let people do some things for you. Say no to stuff. Just because you’re saying no now, doesn’t mean it’s going to be like this forever.
You should definitely say no to the kind of thing that you can only survive by drinking. (Nothing in life should require a mind-altering, toxic drug – if you have to drink in order to survive dinner with friends, it’s time to stop and think.)
Remember, there is no magic window of opportunity
You don’t have to quit drinking on a Monday, or in January. You don’t have to wait until that work party, holiday, or birthday etc is out the way. You can just take action right now. After all, there will never be a totally ‘perfect’ time to stop drinking, because there will always be something on the horizon.
If alcohol is making you miserable, then right now is a good time to make a change.
I’d google “Am I an alcoholic?” and would fill out endless online questionnaires. But nothing seemed very straightforward.
I didn’t meet the stereotype of your typical problem drinker – my life wasn’t in the gutter. I still had a good job and a roof over my head. I never drank in the morning. I didn’t even drink everyday.
Sometimes, I’d stop for a whole week, just to prove I could do it. (I’d be miserable the entire time, but seven days off proved I didn’t have a problem, right?)
When I was doing my late night, drunken google searches, I struggled to find anything that really resonated with me, or spoke to the way I drank.
This blog post is exactly the kind of article I wish I’d stumbled across when I was looking for help. .
5 Signs It’s Time To Take A Break From Booze:
You spend a lot of time thinking about your drinking
Alcohol can take up so much brain space. I used to spend hours thinking about when I’d let myself drink next – what would I have? Where? How much? And then the next day, I’d still be thinking about alcohol, as I beat myself up for drinking more than I intended.
Most regular drinkers do not spend a great deal of time thinking about booze (and they don’t spend much time on sites like this!)
You’re creating lots of rules around your drinking
I ask everyone on my stop drinking course to list out all the ways they’ve tried to ‘control’ their drinking in the past. More than 600 women have been through the programme now, and the answers I get to this question still surprise me!
For example: buying low alcohol wine, buying wine in small bottles, promising you’ll only drink on certain days, banning alcohol from the home, sticking to one kind of drink, drinking alcohol you don’t really like the taste of, only drinking after a certain time, promising to be the designated driver, keeping a sticker chart of drinking days and non drinking days…
To cut a long story short: none of these rules work for long.
You hide how much you’re drinking
Perhaps you drink alone late at night and hide the empties the next day. Or you sneakily head back into the kitchen to top up your glass. Maybe you make a big show of opening a bottle of wine to share with your partner, pretending that it’s your first drink of the night.
Once you start hiding your drinking, it’s easy to get stuck in the habit, without really acknowledging what you’re doing. Hiding your drinking is a sure sign that part of you knows something is wrong – you know you’re drinking more than you’re happy with.
You fear something bad is about to happen.
Perhaps nothing truly awful has happened as a result of your drinking – yet. But you fear that some kind of disaster is just around the corner.
Maybe you’ve already had a few close shaves – getting behind the wheel when you shouldn’t have, or making a big mistake at work because you were hungover. It’s stressful, constantly feeling as if you’re only just managing to keep it all together.
You’re suffering as a result of your drinking
Never mind how much you drink, what you drink, where, when or who with. Ultimately, it all comes down to this: is your drinking making you miserable? If it is, then you owe it to yourself to explore alcohol-free living properly.
(I’m not going to suggest cutting down or moderating your intake, because the chances are you’ve already tried that, many times. I explain here why moderation rarely works.)
I recommend taking a proper break from alcohol – at least 6 weeks – so you can put some space between you and your last drink, and find out what sobriety is really all about.
You’ve got nothing to lose… and who knows what might happen along the way? If you give alcohol-free living a proper try, you might just discover it’s pretty amazing 🙂
As it’s Halloween tomorrow, now seems like a good time to talk about ‘treats’. .
So often we say things like:
“I’m going to have a glass of wine tonight because it’s a treat.” “Let’s get a bottle… I know it’s unhealthy, but it’s a special treat isn’t it…” “Go on – one won’t hurt. Treat yourself, you’ve been good all week!”
But is alcohol really a special ‘treat’?
Somewhere along the way we realised – correctly – that alcohol was harming us. But instead of deciding we would raise our standards and not invite it into our lives, we opted to make it a ‘treat’ instead.
And what happens then?
By telling ourselves that alcohol is a treat, we are tricking ourselves. We’re glorifying this cheap, toxic poison. We’re putting it up on a pedestal and making it ‘special’.
If you want to stop drinking – and actually feel good about it – you have to break up with the idea that alcohol is special. .
Here’s how to do it.
Be aware of the story you’re telling yourself
What we think, we become – the beliefs and stories we repeat internally tend to play out externally. I know that on the face of it, the idea of ‘being good during the week’ and ‘having a treat on Friday night’ sounds like a balanced and healthy approach…
However, as soon as alcohol becomes a treat you’re saving yourself for, looking forward to, or planning ahead in advance, you are – whether you realise it or not – making it ‘special’. You’re training your mind to look forward to consuming this low quality, mind-altering, cancer-causing, toxic poison.
Reframe, reframe, reframe
You have the power to retrain your mind and rewrite your stories. Stop saying that you’re ‘treating yourself’ to a glass of wine – be clear that you’re treating yourself to a hangover, a night of disturbed sleep and a day of feeling like crap.
Rather than telling yourself that you ‘deserve’ a drink, ask whether you deserve to feel lousy tomorrow. Do you deserve to drink more than you intend to, pass out on the sofa or wake up feeling tired and dehydrated? Is that the special treat you deserve?
Put your energy into seeing alcohol for what it really is. Don’t romanticise or glamorise it. Don’t make it special – make it feel distinctly un-special.
For the women I coach inside my Getting Unstuck course, the biggest triumph is not “I’ve managed to resist wine all weekend!” but rather, “there’s an open bottle of wine at home and I didn’t even WANT a glass.” That’s what happens when you get clear on what is a treat and what isn’t.
Upgrade your treats
You should never feel guilty about treating yourself because it’s an important part of self-care. But now is the time to redefine your treats. Raise your standards and choose treats that genuinely make you feel good.
So what could you do? You could treat yourself to a new book, a long bath, or date night at your favourite restaurant. Maybe a treat for you is 30 mins watching TV, or reading a magazine and just letting yourself do very little.
Perhaps you’d love a day out with your family, a spa treatment, or an afternoon doing your favourite hobby. Maybe you’d like to treat yourself to a proper lunch break (rather than eating at your desk!) or a mid-week trip to the cinema, or that exercise class you’re interested in.
Make a list of what really feels like a treat for you. Focus on things you know will take care of you and make you feel great afterwards. Plan something now, schedule it and then do it!
I’m thrilled to be back after taking a few weeks off to launch another live session of my Getting Unstuck course. (Missed it? You can catch the next class in January)
The Sober School has grown a lot over the past year, as has the entire alcohol-free, online sober movement. The idea of taking some time off from drinking is becoming more and more normal, which is great news for all of us! Anything that makes our alcohol-obsessed world a little less boozy has got to be a good thing.
If you’re working on a sober October right now, today’s blog post will really help you to stay motivated.
I wanted to set the record straight on a few common beliefs about booze that I hear ALL the time. The last thing you need are myths and misguided philosophies getting in the way of your alcohol-free lifestyle!
. Here are 6 common myths about alcohol:
“A bit of booze is good for you.”
The Committee on Carcinogenicity (an independent body that advises the government whether substances are likely to cause cancer) says drinking ANY level of alcohol increases the risk of a range of cancers. You can read their report here.
As for that old idea that red wine is good for the heart? It’s an outdated myth. England’s Chief Medical officer calls it an ‘old wives tale’ for good reason. This 2014 study found that drinking alcohol provides no heart benefit at all, and recent government guidance stated “there is no justification for drinking for health reasons.”
“Alcohol helps me deal with stress.”
A glass of wine won’t stop the kids fighting or make your boss nicer or fix your relationship. Alcohol does not have the power to solve the things that make you stressed. What alcohol can do is increase anxiety whilst hangovers lower your resilience to stress. So it’s a double whammy – you lose out twice.
It’s socially acceptable to say that you drink because you’re stressed, but what most people are really doing is drinking to numb out. And if you’ve ever been hysterically happy or extremely sad whilst drunk, you’ve got to wonder – does alcohol really do that good a job of numbing your emotions? (Surely, if it was an effective numbing agent, you wouldn’t be able to feel any emotion?)
“Booze before bed makes you sleep better.”
Drinking might help you crash out by making you drowsy, but it also stops you from having the deep, restorative sleep you need in order to feel truly rested. That’s why you often wake up at 4am, exhausted but somehow unable to sleep.
Some people struggle with their sleep when they first stop drinking and it sucks, I know. But please be patient – the solution isn’t to go back to drinking! Alcohol really screws up your sleep cycle and your body is just taking a bit longer to adjust. Hang on in there – in the long term, an alcohol-free lifestyle is one of the best things you can do to improve the quality of your sleep.
“Alcohol makes you happier.”
Maybe you think you’re the life and soul of the party after your third gin and tonic. Perhaps you’re convinced that the drunk you is a happier, more upbeat version of your regular self. The idea that we transform into different people when we’re under the influence is a popular one. Turns out, though, ‘drunk you’ might not be as much of a thing as you think.
A new study from the University of Missouri has found that other people can’t see that much of a difference in our personalities when we’re drunk, compared to when we’re sober. This is a good reminder that so much of alcohol’s power lies in what we believe it does. And so often, what we believe to be true becomes true.
“My drinking doesn’t affect anyone else.”
New research shows that children are far more aware of their parents alcohol consumption than we might like to think. The Institute of Alcohol Studies says even moderate parental drinking can upset children and cause them anxiety.
This report backs up a lot of the anecdotal feedback I’ve had from the mums on my stop drinking course. Even very young children, who don’t really ‘get’ what wine is, seem quick to pick up on the change in your energy levels (and your willingness to read a bedtime story).
“If you’re careful, you can outsmart a hangover.”
As we head towards the end of the year – and into party season – be prepared to see a lot of articles about hangover cures. You know the ones I mean – they promise that you’ll be able to party till dawn AND look flawless in the office. All you need to do is guzzle green juice, use expensive foundation and meditate in a special way…
It’s total nonsense of course. These articles are selling a lifestyle that doesn’t really exist; you cannot consume glass after glass of toxic poison and not feel it the next day! NHS advice says, “The best way to avoid a hangover is not to drink.”
This is a great time of year to stop drinking or experiment with an alcohol-free lifestyle.
The busy summer months are over, the kids have returned to school, we’re back into a regular routine and Christmas is still ages away … (phew!)
Recently I’ve had lots of people asking for some help getting started with sobriety. So, this week I thought I’d go back to basics and share three key tips to help you kickstart a break from booze.
Ready for an awesome, alcohol-free adventure this autumn?
. 1. Start building your sober toolbox
A sober tool is anything you use as a coping mechanism, to change or relieve the way you feel, and to help you deal with the ups and downs of life.
2. Establish a support network
It makes such a difference when you’ve got a support system, or someone who can relate to what you’re going through, and be there to listen and encourage you.
3. Challenge your beliefs about booze
Don’t fall for the myths, illusions and marketing hype – alcohol is just a drug. When you get clear on what it does and doesn’t do, it’s a lot easier to quit, because you don’t feel as if you’re missing out.
You don’t have to quit forever. (That’s way too intimidating!) But if you want to satisfy your curiosity and test drive sobriety properly, you do need to put some space between you and your last drink. I recommend taking a break from booze and giving it 100%. Don’t question the decision until you hit your goal. Then – and only then – can you decide what you do next.
Don’t forget to download your free printable 🙂
It’ll help you get stuck into the three tips I talk about in the video.
Let me know in the comments below if you’re going to be taking a break from booze this autumn and how long for.