How To Stay Alcohol-Free Next Weekend

How To Stay Alcohol-Free Next Weekend

These days, my Monday mornings feel pretty good.

But not so long ago, they used to be about coping. 
Coping with a hangover. Coping with the guilt of another wasted weekend. Coping with work, when I didn’t feel at all rested or ok. Coping with the pressure of promising myself that this week would be different, that this week I would be good.

If you can relate, you’re not alone. Today I’m answering a question from Lisa, who writes:

“Most weeks I manage not to drink from Monday to Thursday, and I feel pretty good about that. But I can’t get through the weekend without drinking. I start on Friday night and then it’s all downhill from there. By Sunday I’m always so annoyed at myself for wasting the weekend.”

So how do you weekend-proof your sobriety? Here are my tips.


Keep your eye on the prize

Take a moment to visualise, in detail, what you’d like next weekend to be like. How would you love to feel and what would you love to be doing?

My alcohol-free weekends are approximately 100 times more interesting than my old, boozy ones. I love waking up on a Saturday morning and going for a run, rather than moping around the house, feeling anxious about how much I drank the night before. I like knowing that I will have time to do the things that need to get done (rather than leaving it up to fate to see what I’ll be able to manage with a hangover).

I enjoy the feeling of real-life relaxation. It is sooo much better than falling for the illusion of the alcohol-induced version (that fake high that lifts you up and then brings you crashing down at 3am). Best of all, I love that I am no longer wishing my life away, by obsessing over drinking or not drinking all the time.

Life gives us so many opportunities, but it’s hard to spot them when you’ve got your wine goggles on. If you work hard from Monday to Friday, then you deserve two proper days off at the weekend. You deserve to feel good and to enjoy your time off. Don’t let alcohol rob you of that. Decide now: what will this coming weekend look like for you?


Plan an alternative Friday night

How are you feeling by 5pm on a Friday? Most of us are pretty knackered and worn out! You will find sobriety hard if you just try and white knuckle through the evening, ignoring how you’re feeling. A much better plan of action is to decide – in advance – what you’re going to do to take care of yourself.

Cravings are nearly always a clue that you need something. More often than not, they’re a sign that you’re tired, hungry, thirsty or stressed out. So make a plan for that. You know alcohol doesn’t genuinely relax you – just think about how stressed you are after a few days of drinking. There are plenty of other lovely, relaxing things you can do instead.

Maybe you go to a Friday night yoga class. Maybe you go swimming or sit in the jacuzzi. Maybe you watch a movie and order a takeaway. Maybe you have a bath, watch some TV, curl up with a book or go to bed early. Maybe you invite a friend round for dinner (you could always prep the food in advance, so it’s all done). Maybe you tick a few chores off your to do list, keep yourself busy and get on top of things. Think about what might work for you next Friday night, and start planning it now.


Get clear on what a good ‘treat’ is

You often hear people say things like, “I’ll have this glass of wine – it’s a Friday night treat.” Or, “Go on – treat yourself! It’s the weekend after all.” You get the gist. Somewhere along the way we picked up this idea that wine isn’t good for us (correct) but instead of deciding not to invite it into our lives, we decided to make it a ‘treat’ instead. We’ve glorified and romanticised alcohol to a point where we’ve almost forgotten that we’re talking about a cancer causing drug. We forget that ethanol is the same thing we fuel our cars with, or strip paint with.

This weekend, make a list of things that could genuinely feel like a treat for you. Maybe it’s curling up with a book, catching up with friends, a spa treatment or going out for brunch. Think about how you can treat yourself with high quality experiences, not drugs.

For the women I coach inside my Getting Unstuck course, the biggest triumph is not “I’ve managed to resist wine all weekend!” but rather, “There’s wine at home and I didn’t even WANT a glass.” They feel like that because they got clear on what is a treat and what’s not.


Remember, there’s nothing magical about Mondays!

If you do slip up, start over immediately. Don’t write the weekend off as a failure or give yourself a free pass to drink through the rest of it.

I understand the idea that a new week = a new start. Monday is nearly always the day when we begin new diets and fitness regimes etc! But I also know that there’s nothing magical about Mondays. In fact, for many of us, Monday is one of the busiest, toughest days of the week! It’s just as easy to start over on a Saturday or a Sunday (or a Wednesday or whenever).

If your drinking is making you miserable, then the best time to stop is always right now. Right this second.


And now a question for you…

One of the best things about alcohol-free weekends is all the time you get back. Suddenly, you can find yourself doing stuff you would never have done before (hello, Sunday morning yoga class…). What do you do with all your spare time during your sober weekends? What do you love most about them? Let me know, because your experiences are bound to inspire others.


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What do you mean, you’re NOT drinking?!

What do you mean, you’re NOT drinking?!

Picture the scene: it’s your best friend’s birthday and you’ve been dragged out for drinks. You’re hovering near the bar, trying to discreetly order something alcohol-free without anyone noticing.

Just as you start to think you’ve got away with it, someone leans over and says, “Is that … sparkling water? Why are you drinking THAT?”

Heads turn in your direction. People frown with confusion.

Are you ill, they ask? Has something happened? Why aren’t you drinking? Why, why, WHY? What possible reason could there be for actually choosing to socialise sober *shudder*?

The chances are you
will have to deal with some version of this scenario, at some point.

But the good news is that with a little preparation, you can stop those ‘hope-the-ground-swallows-me-up’ moments from being such a big deal. You can close down the conversation and move on (without having to tell the whole bar about your drinking history).

First – a big picture overview

It’s completely up to you what you do and don’t say.

Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to remember that it is no one else’s business whether you’re drinking or not! Other people might think they have some right to know, but they really don’t. You are in complete control here. You don’t owe anyone an explanation – not even your oldest drinking buddy. If you decided to cut out caffeine or gluten or meat, you wouldn’t seek their approval. This is exactly the same. You’re a grown up and you get to make your own decisions.


Some people genuinely won’t care.

I think you’ll be surprised how often this happens. If you’ve been obsessing about your drinking for a while, it’s easy to assume that everyone else is also obsessed. But there are lots of people out there who really don’t care whether you drink or not – even some heavy drinkers have an ‘each to their own’ attitude. And some people will just be too wrapped up in themselves to even notice what you have in your glass.


Other people’s reactions have very little to do with you.

The way people respond says an awful lot about them, and their drinking, their prejudices and their fears. But it says so little about you. It’s not something you can control, so don’t waste your energy worrying about it.


People will say stupid things.

When it comes to alcohol, most people are poorly educated. Their beliefs are based on stereotypes, myths and Facebook memes. People will say silly, clumsy things not because they’re trying to hurt you, but because they don’t know any better.


You won’t lose your real friends.

Yes, some people will be surprised by your decision and they may need a bit of time to adjust. But you’ll soon discover who your real friends are. Long term, they’re the ones who stick around and don’t care what’s in your glass, because they like you for who you really are.


How you feel about this WILL change.

Eventually, you won’t feel so bothered about this stuff. There will come a point where it feels natural and right to offer up a truthful explanation about why you’re no longer drinking. But the chances are that in early sobriety, you aren’t ready for that yet. So for now, just say whatever feels the most comfortable. Here are a few ideas. 


~ Possible responses ~


For people who know you, and expect you to be drinking:

  • “No thanks, I don’t feel like drinking today.”
  • “No thank you – I’m taking a month off drinking and I’m loving it. I feel great!”
  • “I’m doing a six week, no-alcohol challenge with some friends at work.”
  • “I’ve had one too many heavy nights recently. I’m an all or nothing person and it’s time for a break.”
  • “I’m driving.”
  • “I’m trying to lose weight.”
  • “I’m too tired.”
  • “I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”
  • “I’ve been feeling run down, so I’m cutting out alcohol for a while.”
  • “I’m on antibiotics.”
  • “I’m training for a race.”
  • “I’ve booked an early morning fitness class.”
  • “I’m not feeling very well today.”

For nosy strangers:

  • “I don’t drink.” (Those three little words are a complete answer.)
  • “None for me thanks – but I’d really love a lime soda if you’ve got one?”
  • “I just don’t like the taste.”
  • “Alcohol gives me a headache.”
  • “I couldn’t deal with the hangovers.”

For rude and annoying people:

  • “I’m having way too much fun sober to waste my time drinking again. I feel amazing!”
  • “I think I’m fabulous just the way I am, don’t you?”
  • “I caught myself pestering other people to drink, and I realised I had some issues with my own alcohol intake.”
  • “This is something I’m doing for myself and I don’t let other people pressure me into drinking.”
  • “I care about my health way too much to drink that toxic stuff. Have you heard about the cancer risk?”
  • “Sorry, didn’t you hear me? No I don’t want a drink. I’d love a sparkling water though, I find it really helps me mind my own business. Would you like one?”


Whatever you decide to say…

Do it with confidence. Really own it. Don’t apologise for not drinking. Never, ever be apologetic. And remember, less is more. There’s no need to say too much.

Now I’d love to hear how you deal with this.

How do you handle people pressuring you to drink? Have you got any great responses or excuses that I’ve missed off the list? Perhaps there’s a smart one-liner that you use time and time again… Please let me know in the comments!


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What To Do When You Feel Scared And Stuck

What To Do When You Feel Scared And Stuck

What do you do when the idea of stopping drinking fills you with fear – but the thought of staying as you are feels just as scary?

I know what it’s like to be in that frustrating, limbo state, wondering how to move forwards.

On the one hand, you hate the hangovers – you’re tired of waking up at 4am and promising yourself that tonight, ‘it’ll be different’. But on the other hand… you can’t imagine not drinking. You just can’t picture a life without alcohol in it.

And then there’s the fear…

Fear of going for it and making a change. Fear of failure, fear of looking like a fool, fear of the unknown. And yet, there’s also the fear of not making the move. The fear of looking back on your life with regret. The fear of letting life pass you by, and knowing you were too afraid to do anything about it.

This messy middle – where you feel stuck between two equally scary options – is confusing, exhausting, and totally normal. The good news is that it’s also a sign you’ve reached a bit of a tipping point. In the words of Brené Brown: “The middle is messy, but it’s also where the magic happens.”

This week’s blog is all about the 4 things you can do to make navigating the messy middle a little easier…


“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it…”
~ Steven Pressfield


Reframe fear.

The rational, logical part of us knows that deciding not to consume ethanol is a wise decision; when you think about all the frightening health consequences of drinking, sobriety is considerably less scary than continuing to drink. And yet, the thought of going alcohol-free generates a sense of fear in the pit of your stomach.

The most important thing to know is that fear of sobriety isn’t a sign that you should stay as you are! Fear is a natural instinct, designed to protect us and help us survive. But there’s a big difference between the kind of fear that keeps you safe when you’re crossing the road, and the kind of fear that just keeps you stuck in your comfort zone.

Rather than letting yourself be paralysed by fear, use it as a sign that something precious is at stake; it means you’re working on something that really matters and you’re doing the right thing.

“You can’t be what you can’t see.”
~ Marian Wright Edelman


Educate yourself.

Your world is made up of the experiences you’ve had, the things you see every day, and the people you’re surrounded by. And it’s incredibly difficult to see beyond the edges of that world.

If you’ve been drinking for years and years – and you’re surrounded by people who love alcohol and romanticise it – then you’re bound to think that sobriety is dull, miserable or a last resort. But the truth is, you’ve only experienced half the story! If you think alcohol-free living is boring, the chances are you’re coming at it from the wrong place. You owe it to yourself to explore sobriety properly and learn about what alcohol can and cannot do.

You can start by reading sober memoirs and blogs – see what kind of lives these people have. What kind of mindset shifts have they made? Follow sober celebrities; are they having a terrible time, missing out on life? I don’t think so! Fill up your social media feed with people who aren’t obsessed with booze and who love alcohol-free living. (You can find me on Instagram here). Be open to the idea that life could be a hell of a lot better without alcohol in it.

“When your why is big enough you will find your how.”
~ Les Brown


Get clear on your why.

If you really want to make this change happen, you’ve got to get emotionally connected to why this is important to you. Keep those reasons front and centre every day.

Don’t just think about this stuff – write it down. I’m a big believer in getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. When it’s all in your head it tends to be a jumbled-up mess and it’s easy to forget. 

Go into as much detail as possible. Don’t just put “I hate feeling hungover”. You’ve got to tease out the important, personal details. Maybe you hate being unable to remember what you said to your partner; perhaps your children have commented on your drinking and it stung.

Keep this list somewhere you can access easily. You’ll want to keep referring back to this.


“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt


Start before you’re ready.

If you wait until you feel ‘ready’ to stop drinking, you’re going to be waiting for a very long time. Sometimes you have to force change to happen by taking action.

I’ve coached hundreds of women through early sobriety, and I’ve noticed that very few of them have experienced some kind of lightening-bolt moment. Rarely is someone 100% ‘ready’. More often than not, it’s about paying attention to a nagging feeling and listening to that little part of you that suspects life without alcohol might be better than life right now.  

If you’re regularly drinking too much, and it’s making you feel miserable, then that’s all you really need to know. That’s the only sign you need. All you need to do is set a short-term goal and be prepared to take action. It’s all about baby steps – there’s no need to think about the big picture just yet.



Are you stuck in the messy middle right now?

Or perhaps you’ve just come out the other side. Either way, I’d love to hear how you’re pushing through it and what action you’ve been taking to shift out of feeling stuck.

What are you afraid of when you think about alcohol-free living? How could you use that fear to guide your next steps? Let me know in the comments below!

Have a great week,


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3 Ways To Deal With Unhelpful Advice About Your Drinking

3 Ways To Deal With Unhelpful Advice About Your Drinking

Today’s blog is for you if you keep getting unsolicited, unhelpful ‘advice’ about your drinking from friends and family.

You know what I mean, right?

  • Your partner can’t see what the problem is and thinks you’re overreacting.
  • Your best friend says you should quit during the week, but weekends are different…
  • Your sister thinks cutting down would be ‘more realistic’ than stopping completely.
  • Your mum reckons it’s wine that’s the problem – you should switch to beer.
  • Your book group just want to know when you’re going to be fun again…
  • And your Auntie thinks you should be going to meetings, because that’s what they do in movies…

My goodness … we’ve all been there and it’s painful!

All that ‘advice’ can leave you confused, doubting yourself and wondering whether you are doing the right thing… and that can stop you making any progress at all.

Here’s why unsolicited advice is such a problem, and three suggestions for dealing with it…



Why does it happen?

Most people love to give advice. And your friends and family love to give you advice, because they care about you. They don’t mean to be negative – perhaps they want to reassure you, or make you feel better.

And to be fair to them, if you’ve kept your drinking well-hidden, it might be a bit of a shock. You’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff, but they haven’t. The chances are they’re responding from a far less knowledgeable place.

Plus – let’s be honest – your sobriety can bring up some awkward questions for other people. It can make them reflect on their own drinking. Maybe they’re already worried but aren’t ready to do anything yet. Deep down, it might be easier for them if you stay as you are.


Why does it matter?

When it comes to alcohol-free living, having the right mindset is crucial. Sobriety will push you out of your comfort zone, so it helps to start out feeling positive and motivated.

Listening to negative, confusing comments from people you care about is one of the quickest ways to derail that positive energy. Most of us already have our own chatter going on inside our heads, so we really don’t need external negativity too!


Don’t invite negative comments

Before you think about how to respond, it’s a good idea to check and see whether you’re actually inviting unwanted feedback. Are you actively asking for other people’s opinions? If so, ask yourself why.

Only you know how alcohol really makes you feel. Everyone else is on the outside, looking in. When it comes to alcohol, most people have very fixed views that aren’t based on fact.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s really important to talk about this stuff. You need to be able to share wins, swap ideas and get feedback from people who ‘get’ it. But if those closest to you can’t offer that, I’d recommend finding a coach or a support group that you really gel with.


Three possible ways to respond:

Once you’ve ensured that you’re not making it easy for people to dish out unhelpful advice, look at strategies to counter their negative comments.

Here are my three favourites:


Be really positive.

The next time someone says, ‘You’re STILL not drinking? I thought you’d be bored of that by now’ make sure you respond positively (even if you have to fake it). Just smile and say, ‘It’s going great thanks – I feel brilliant’. That helps to close the conversation down. Then turn the question around and ask them how they are.


Ask them directly for their support.

Another strategy is to let people know that their negative comments are affecting you. Explain that right now, you’re not asking for their opinion, advice or approval – but you’d appreciate their support. Seeing how their negativity impacts on you could be a big wake-up call for them.


Be compassionate.

People tend to respond with doubt and negativity because of their own limited beliefs about what their life would be like without alcohol. That’s ok. They often mean no harm and are just caught up in their own world. Perhaps they’re intimidated by the thought of you doing something like this. Just remember, it’s not really about you; it’s about them … so you don’t need to pay attention. Let the comments bounce straight back off.


Now I’d love to hear from you …

Have you had to deal with some unhelpful advice about your drinking? Are you going through it right now? What are your tips?


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8 Myths About Non-Drinkers (And Why They’re Wrong)

8 Myths About Non-Drinkers (And Why They’re Wrong)

“So … how do you have fun then?”
“You must get really bored.”
“Is it because you’re religious?”
“I bet you miss drinking loads and loads.”
“Are you actually allowed to go to bars?”

Since I quit drinking, I’ve been asked all the questions above. Several times.

(I was particularly baffled by the last one – just who is it that’s going to stop me from entering a bar? The sober police…?) There are so many myths and stereotypes about what it’s like to be a non-drinker. It’s kind of crazy.

The problem is that these ideas are repeated so often, they become ingrained in our culture and accepted as facts. But you can’t let this nonsense hold you back from a hangover-free lifestyle!

Here are 8 myths about non-drinkers that are absolutely not true:


Myth 1: We really, really miss alcohol

Next month I’ll be four years alcohol-free and I never miss it. Seriously. I’m not ‘battling the demon drink’ or ‘taking it one day at a time’ or moping around feeling as if I’m missing out. I have no more desire to drink than I do to smoke cigarettes, take heroin or stick a fork in my eye.

And I know lots of other non-drinkers who feel exactly the same way. Once you cut through the social conditioning and educate yourself about alcohol, you start to see booze for what it is – a brain bending substance that delivers an artificial high, followed by a giant, soul-sucking low.


Myth 2: We all go to meetings

Not everyone attends 12 step meetings. (I don’t.) They work for some people, but for others, they’re not a good fit. You don’t have to go to meetings and you don’t have to label yourself. You can simply decide to stop drinking. Some people do it on their own, while others use books, counsellors or seek out help online.


Myth 3: We miss our old life

No way. When I look back on my drinking days, what stands out is how boring, dull and repetitive they were. One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I had this nagging feeling I’d lived the same year twice; I’d made the same mistakes and repeated the same frustrations and struggles. I felt stuck. So I certainly don’t look back on that time and think ‘those were the days!’


Myth 4: We must’ve hit rock bottom

Some people do have a dramatic rock bottom – a wake up call they can’t ignore. But, just as many don’t. Most non-drinkers quietly decide to stop because they don’t like the way alcohol is making them feel. They suspect they’d be better off without booze, so they decide to change. That’s it.


Myth 5: We judge people who do drink

Most sober people are pretty open minded – we have no problem with other people drinking. If you can have one or two and feel great about that, then go for it. We don’t care. We’ll only judge you if you make our sobriety a big deal!


Myth 6: Our lives are really dull

It’d be pretty sad if our lives were boring, just because we’d stopped drinking. There’s this idea out there that life without alcohol is ‘less’ somehow; less fun, less intense, less everything. In fact, the opposite is true. Alcohol-free living gives you the time, energy and headspace to craft a life you genuinely love. One that’s so good, you don’t need to numb yourself at the end of every day.


Myth 7: We’re not interested in parties or going out

We still like dancing. We still like good music. We still like the company of other humans. So yes, we still have social lives! There’s nothing quite like having an amazing night out, and knowing it was all genuine, because your feelings weren’t chemically altered in any way.


Myth 8: We’ll make do with any old alcohol-free drink 

We still have taste buds. We love the ritual of having a nice drink to unwind – something that feels special. Personally, I want sophisticated flavours presented in a pretty, grown up glass, preferably by a bartender who knows a thing or two about mocktails. No one should have to make do with plain old tap water, ever.


Let me know…

What’s been your experience of these myths? Whether you’ve stopped drinking – or you’re still working on it – I’m sure you’ve come up against one or two of these already. And do let me know if I’ve missed any off the list!

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Why You Should Forget About Rock Bottom

Why You Should Forget About Rock Bottom

If you’ve been thinking about stopping drinking, then the chances are you’ve heard about ‘hitting rock bottom’.  

Perhaps you’ve read about other people’s experiences; that time they woke up in hospital, with no memory of how they got there. Or the moment they got arrested for drink driving, or lost a job, or ruined a relationship.

Some people believe you need to have a ‘rock bottom moment’ before you stop drinking … that you have to reach breaking point before you decide to put down the glass.

That is nonsense.

I think rock bottom is a bit of a myth. It’s an unhelpful idea that’s so widely received as true wisdom, we’ve accepted it as fact.

None of us need to be anywhere near ‘rock bottom’ in order to decide that we’ll stop hurting ourselves.

Here’s why: 

There’s no quantifiable ‘rock bottom’

Think about it. What exactly is rock bottom? Is it losing your job? Being caught drink driving? Who knows. The impact of being banned from the road varies from person to person. The same goes for being fired; some people will hit financial crisis a lot quicker than others.

You could argue that rock bottom is all about how we feel. Maybe it’s got more to do with our levels of shame, embarrassment and guilt. But again, this varies hugely from person to person. We all have different personalities and what might be awful for you may not bother me.

It’s almost impossible to define what rock bottom is, other than to say it’s a pretty bad place – the kind of place we shouldn’t be aiming for.


Rock bottom stops people changing their behaviour

In every other area of life, we’re very quick to take action if there’s a problem. If we gain a few pounds, we try and lose them. If we’ve got toothache, we visit the dentist – even if we hate going. We understand that nipping the problem in the bud is easier than letting things get out of control.

With alcohol, it’s different. Culturally, we have this idea that you need to be falling down and losing everything before you can address your relationship with booze. We view alcohol abuse in very black and white terms – it’s all or nothing. You’re either a ‘normal’ drinker or a raging alcoholic.

We seem reluctant to acknowledge that a) there are people who fall between those two extremes, and b) you can stop drinking in the grey zone! You do not have to wait until things get really, really bad.


Rock bottom reinforces the idea that sobriety is a last resort

Here’s what kept me stuck for ages: the idea that sobriety was going to be utterly miserable. It felt like some kind of punishment for not being able to drink ‘normally’. And who could blame me for thinking that way? From a young age we’re told that alcohol is cool and sobriety is boring.

(As it happens, deciding to stop drinking was one of the best decisions I ever made. It has been truly life changing and I’ve written about that a lot, including here and here.)


So how do you know if you should stop drinking?

It’s pretty simple, really – you don’t need to wait until your life is in chaos or you’re falling to pieces. That is not the only way to measure an alcohol problem.

If you’re frequently drinking more than you intend to, and it’s making you miserable, that’s something to pay attention to. Or if you feel worried about your drinking – and you suspect it’s holding you back from living your best life – then that’s more than enough. 

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