Party season is here, and with it come all those old beliefs about alcohol…
“I need it to have fun…”
“I won’t fit in without it.”
“Everyone else will be drinking!”
But here’s what nobody talks about: if you’re at a boring party, drinking just means you’re drunk at a boring party.
And if you think you need alcohol to fit in or have a better time… well, let’s challenge those thoughts.
I’ve got lots to say about the boozy party season in today’s blog.
Key points:
“I need alcohol to have fun!”
If you’ve had this thought lately, you’re not alone – we’re trained to think this way. But here’s the truth: if something isn’t fun without alcohol, it probably just isn’t fun. And yes, a lot of work parties fall into this category. The setup of these events is weird: you’re in a bar where the music’s too loud to talk, but no one’s dancing either. People drink quickly because… well, what else is there to do? So it’s not that drinking makes the night fun, it’s just that it’s a very normalised, logical distraction from the boredom of the event.
A note on being bored
Rather than drinking your way through this stuff, what if you just stopped going to things that are dull and boring in the first place?! Seriously though – I know some things are hard to get out of. But even if something is really boring, what’s the big deal about that? You can handle a bit of boredom. I’d rather be alcohol free and bored, than getting so drunk I don’t know I’m in a boring situation. It’s actually good to be bored. It’s very informative and will help you make a few changes in the future.
Fitting in and connecting
If you went to a coffee shop and ordered tea while everyone else had coffee, would you worry about not fitting in? Of course not! It’s just a different drink. It’s exactly the same with choosing an alcohol-free drink instead of wine. But here’s the tricky part – if you think it matters, then it will matter. Once you put on those “I don’t fit in” glasses, you start scanning for evidence that you are the odd one out. You make it a much bigger deal in your head than it actually is.
A challenge for you…
Instead of focusing on what you might be missing out on, go out prepared to collect evidence of how you *do* fit in. How are you part of the experience and the group, regardless of what’s in your glass? And look for all the ways in which staying alcohol free elevates your experience and helps you have a better time. Because when you put your brain to work finding that information, you’ll be amazed at what you discover.
18 responses
On Christmas Day all my family and guests will be drinking red wine, which I would normally have done. Although I don’t think I feel under pressure to fit in I would like to have a glass of red in my hand and I have bought a bottle of McGuigans Shiraz, zero alcohol, which is the most acceptable of the red wines I have tried so far. It will be interesting to see how it goes as it will be my first AF Christmas since I can’t remember.
Thank you Kate for your website and all the ideas.
That’s an excellent plan, Mary, offering you the chance to enjoy an alcohol-free Christmas, which promises to be wonderful. Having a clear head is a superpower when there’s so much to do, yet it’s important to remain present and cherish the day with family. 🙂
Hi thank you for this as it came at the exact right time as my Xmas party was last night with work! Initially tempted not to go as it would be boring etc my husband encouraged me to go and say you might have fun even booze free! So I went and it was fun and I didn’t drop a touch of booze (wasn’t even on my mind tbh!) and I was watching excatly what you said about people drinking too fast and too much! I didn’t mind being around it and I made my excuses and left after dessert (while everyone else was standing on the dance floor and not dancing !) haha there was another guy not drinking and I asked if he’d tried AF beers and he said he hadn’t and he tried it and thought they were ok. I didn’t bother stuck to oj and coke and got a massive sugar rush! Now I’m actually looking forward to Xmas and my bday booze free as I am free!
Good reinforcement Kate – thank you. I was definitely wavering tonight but feel better now.
I have the perfect thing for moments of doubt; listen to my free pep talk to stay focused and motivated: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
I dont know what i will do i dont want to drink but what if i did and say to myself no more after xmas . Its very hard this but i want to do it at the same time khall.
It’s so much easier to make one decision NOT to drink, no question. The thing with drinking is that it’s always going to be hard, but sobriety becomes increasingly easier and more rewarding over time. Let me help you embrace the right decision and create a life you don’t want to numb out from by joining my January ‘Getting Unstuck’ class here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
That was very helpful Katie – for me the problem has been to fit in in the group of my co-workers who would already have wine or beer with lunch. After saying a few times no – I was no longer invited. The same with girls nite – “what? Just have at least a glass”. Festivities are not such a danger to me, but work environment + stress at work that almost force you to have wine after you get home. At the beginning is maybe one or two glasses – then it becomes a bottle. And starting lunch time you have another one or mostly two glasses. Awful
There are numerous healthier methods to bond with colleagues, and you may be surprised by the number of people open to a new lunchtime activity. Get ahead of the game by learning all about what alcohol can and cannot do for you in my next online class which opens in January 2025: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Christmas 2024 will by fourth without alcohol and I’m very much looking forward to celebrating. I can enjoy my grandchildren so much more and will remember every detail of the day. Instead of finding it harder to go without alcohol life becomes easier and more fulfilling. Thank you for all of your posts Kate they have helped me and I can definitely relate to them.
Embracing the true spirit of Christmas with family is indeed a wonderful opportunity. It’s undeniable that life is more manageable and rewarding when alcohol does not hold you back from being authentic. Wishing you and your loved ones a festive season filled with joy and love. ❤️
My 4th year too. Wishing us all a sober and enjoyable Christmas!
I can totally relate to this Kate. I started a new job this year so the Christmas party and socialising with new people wasn’t really what I wanted to do – I would usually have had alcohol to make me more ‘sociable’. I didn’t want to go but I made an appearance and after an hour I was so bored I snuck out and nobody noticed. Probably should have listened to my instincts and not gone but my point is that people standing around drinking just isn’t fun. I have better things to do!
A perfect strategy Natasha, for attending an event you feel obligated to go to but would rather not spend time with people who are drinking. Show your face and leave when it suits you, I believe it’s called an ‘Irish goodbye’! 🙂
Thank you for the blog, I have a boat trip Christmas party coming up. I know I will let the organiser down if I don’t go but am dreading being stuck in a boat full of colleagues partying. The idea of drinking tea in a coffee shop has made me think again so thank you
I’m happy my analogy helped because the contents of your glass are really not that important.
Hi Kate, I must tell you all something important!. I found that if I drink a zero lager, I no longer fancy a wine! How weird is that? It’s true, so get some in to fall back on. Cant wait till after Christmas when I can wake up on the 27th and shout ‘YAY, DONE IT!’
Good luck to all you girlies out there and remember you are not alone. xx
Like some of the posters above, I find each alcohol free Christmas just gets better. Wishing you all the confidence to decide which events you will attend with joy and an exit strategy, and which are no longer part of your enhanced life; to reflect on the new celebrations which have come in to fill the vacuum which wasn’t a vacuum at all. And your best Christmas ever, happy, healthy with no guilt, no remorse, no fear and only good memories xx