I thought I was the one in charge.
I had rules, limits and plans. What to drink, where to drink, when to drink… I had it all figured out. All I needed to do was stick to my rules.
However… (I bet you can see where this is going)
My “rules” never quite worked out. Looking back, it’s obvious what was really happening — and maybe you recognise this in yourself too.
In today’s video, I’m sharing the subtle ways alcohol ends up calling the shots and what to do if you’re feeling stuck in the same cycle.
Key points
Stealing your brain space
Before we stop drinking, most of us try to manage it. We make rules about when, where, and what we’ll drink. When you become preoccupied with planning, justifying and negotiating your drinking, you end up thinking about alcohol even more than before. I used to agonise over whether to have one big glass or two small ones… or whether to make it a spritzer so I could justify more. It took up so much mental space, it was exhausting.
The hard truth about controlling alcohol
If you’re having to control something so tightly, it’s already controlling you. When you’re constantly trying to manage something like alcohol, it means it already has a hold over your life. For me personally, my attempts at moderation rarely worked – and yet I clung to occasional successes as proof that I could make it work, whilst ignoring the bigger picture.
What you really want is freedom
If we take a step back here and go a layer deeper, the thing you’re really chasing is freedom. Freedom from the alcohol trap. Freedom from the exhausting mental gymnastics and the constant thoughts about when and where you’ll drink. But guess what? Real freedom happens when you eliminate the desire to drink, not from perfecting your ability to moderate.
Removing the desire to drink
You eliminate desire by changing how you think about alcohol. You have to challenge the belief that alcohol is helping you or delivering a service that you can’t get elsewhere. Learn how alcohol actually works and how to comfort yourself in ways that feel better than drinking. Not sure how to do this? I’ll talk more about this in my live webinars next week. They’re free – find out more here.
4 responses
Hi Kate
Thank you, I am doing great no drinks at all since Jan. Thanks Joan
Congratulations Joan! You are in control now. 🙂
I have followed your blog for over 1 yr. Not religiously as I don’t want to hear truth, not sober, but listening. I hope that’s a start. I turn you off when it hits close to home. Normal?
That is completely normal Paula, you’re not alone. The teacher arrives when you’re ready to hear the lesson as the saying goes, so I’m optimistic you’re in the right frame of mind to listen. You’re going to get so much out of my free ‘Take a Break from Booze Masterclass’ that starts next week. https://thesoberschool.com/masterclass-summer-2025-email/ See you then!