Love the idea of a sober summer without the hangovers and regrets… but just can’t imagine doing certain things without alcohol?
Perhaps you have a trip coming up or a special event where you know you’ll want to drink. And you don’t want to miss out or feel deprived, right?
If the thought of a sober summer makes you wince, then we need to talk about what’s going on in your brain…
Watch this video for my sober summer mindset hack.
Key points:
Remember: your brain is a bit like Google
If you type something into Google about alcohol being the key to enjoying the summer, then that’s exactly the information it will find for you. Your brain does something similar. If, for example, you have a belief about an event being boring without booze, your brain will search for information that proves this thought to be true. You’ll go to the event and subconsciously filter the experience through that lens. Your brain will seize on anything negative, overanalyse other people’s comments and you’ll probably be so stuck in your own head that you won’t have a good time.
The secret to a happier, sober summer
Start typing some better things into your search engine (i.e. your brain!) Redirect your focus to something useful and start looking for reasons why a sober summer is going to be just as good as, if not better than, the boozy version. In the video, I talk about doing this exercise with one of my students ahead of a beach trip. When we broke it all down, she realised that everything that really mattered was still going to be the same. She’s still going to get the beautiful ocean views and lovely weather. She’s still going to get quality one-on-one time with her sister and the opportunity to read, relax, sunbathe and escape normal life. Those are the things that make the experience special, not wine.
Making new associations
When you repeatedly pair certain activities with alcohol – like summer barbecues and beach trips – your brain starts to form a strong association between those activities and drinking. Over time this becomes a pattern and your brain starts to expect alcohol in these situations to feel complete or fulfilled. That’s all that’s happened here – an association has been formed. The good news is that we can rewire our brains to form new patterns and associations. It just takes a little practice. Don’t be daunted. Give yourself the opportunity to break a habit and create some new associations that will genuinely serve you.
9 responses
Thank you Kate for your latest & so true video. It is soo important the messages we give to our brains. Surely a great night’s sleep and hangover free living is a superior lifestyle.
Alcohol can be such a craving and deplete us of our best selves.
D
Absolutely Deirdre, embracing sobriety is an opportunity to enhance your lifestyle and become the best version of yourself. 🙂
So true. And I think summer events are so much better without the booze – barbecues where I actually eat the food instead of just ploughing through wine, conversations and giggling with friends and being able to remember what I said, and waking up remembering it all the next day – thanks to you and your course (and your lovely team), I get to enjoy sober summers these days – thanks Kate ❤️
You’re very welcome Carla, sober summers are the best! 🙂
Kate, this is one of your best videos, because it’s message is so simple and so true. Quick story: I had an excruciatingly painful back some years ago, though nothing physically wrong with it. A Dr. of mathematics cured me, getting me to make tiny movements without causing pain, gradually building up to larger ones. The idea was to train the brain that I can move without pain. Same thing as you said. I’m now using the same technique to stop drinking. I need to be present 24/7 for my husband, who isn’t well at the moment, for my grandchildren, but most of all, for ME. Life and sleep are too good to keep passing up on! 😀
Mary
Thanks Mary, it’s reassuring to hear that my message is straightforward, as the process of giving up drinking need not be difficult or miserable. My ‘Getting Unstuck’ coaching programme makes sobriety, simple, straightforward and fun! It doesn’t matter if you’re quitting for good or just experimenting with an alcohol-free lifestyle, put your name on my interest list to hear about the next cohort sign up in September https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thankyou for this pep talk, I really needed it. It made so much sense. I had never thought of new associations, but that’s IS what it’s all about!
Thank you Kate I related to what you were saying. I’m 6 months sober now and only last weekend we were invited to a barbecue, I panicked a bit thinking how do I cope with all this wine around me and people drinking but I was adamant not to give in but found they provided non alcoholic drinks and a few others were drinking non alcoholic drinks. I did cope and found I had a good time too without making a fool of myself
I refer to this as a ‘sober first’ — an initial experience of doing something previously associated with alcohol can be intimidating, but the apprehension is usually unwarranted. Having had a positive ‘first,’ you’ll likely be happy to do it again, finding it enjoyable and free from any regrettable incidents. 🙂