In my drinking days, I must have googled “Am I an alcoholic?” so many times.
I didn’t think I actually was an alcoholic, but my drinking certainly didn’t feel “normal”. I was stuck, not finding anything that described me or what to do next.
Fast forward to today and an awful lot has changed.
Not only am I happily sober, but my thoughts on the whole “alcoholic” label are a lot clearer. I wanted to share them here, in case you’re feeling as confused as I was.
Key points
What exactly is an alcoholic anyway?
It’s a genuine question. How do you define that? Is it someone who regularly drinks above the recommended guidelines or often has more than they intend to? Or is it someone who feels they have to drink every single day? It’s so hard to define.
Some studies have found that only ten percent of excessive drinkers are officially ‘alcohol dependent’. Even if you fill out an online questionnaire about your drinking, it won’t tell you that you’re an alcoholic – it will refer to an alcohol use disorder instead.
Alcohol vs other drugs
When it comes to other substances, we’re not so obsessed with labels. Smokers never wonder if they are nicotine-oholics or whether they have a disease. They’re never going to question why they can’t just ‘control’ their intake of cigarettes or why they can’t smoke ‘responsibly’.
The difference is that we recognise nicotine as a drug. We understand that if you use an addictive drug, then you’re probably going to get addicted to it. That addiction won’t be a reflection on you or your morals or your inner strength – it’s just what happens.
A controversial opinion
Some people will come at me for this… but honestly? I think the only people who like to use the word alcoholic, are those who benefit from labelling others. It suits the alcohol industry to pretend that there’s such a thing as ‘normal’ or ‘responsible’ drinking.
Other drinkers benefit from this too. They want to believe that they’re fine, they’re normal, they’re not doing anything wrong… and people who “have” to quit are different from them. It suits the system to keep perpetuating the myth that there’s just a small group of people out there who can’t use alcohol “responsibly”.
No need for labels
As you might have guessed, I don’t call myself an alcoholic, I don’t think I am at all. I think I had a very normal relationship with alcohol, because it’s normal to get addicted to addictive substances, especially when they’re romanticised and glamorised.
Unless the “alcoholic” label empowers you to change, feel free to ditch it. If you quit drinking, all it really means is that you’re a non-drinker. You’re alcohol free. You’re a teetotaler. You’re enjoying a hangover-free lifestyle. And you’re awesome. That’s it!
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
18 responses
This sounds like me!
Thank you.
I have significant medically diagnosed food allergies and intolerance. Therfore , I use my husbands homemade wine free from preservatives to ‘treat ‘myself as my diet is so restrictive!
I am trying hard to restrict my wine intake to several glasses x2 week.
I have tried to stop completely but now im 62yrs old I lack the self control I used to have.
I enjoy it unfortunately , and feel powerless to stop but want too!!
There are much kinder ways to ‘treat’ yourself than drinking a substance that is harmful to the human body (even wine without preservatives). I’d love to show you true self care in my Getting Unstuck coaching programme. Here are the details to find out more about my next course:https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I know I am now pushing the envelope with my drinking – I abstained from drinking for over a year felt ok and then I thought out of curiosity let’s try one glass “yes all ok” in control . It didn’t escalate straight away 6 months went by but now that I am on my own creating a new life for myself and the feeling of loneliness sets in and the fears about global activities etc – I feel the need to welcome in a comfort with a drink. I am so anxious!
When anxiety is high with issues out of our control, it’s understandable we seek comfort. Sadly, alcohol is a known depressant and increases levels of anxiety in the long term. Here’s a blog I wrote that may help you in these globally turbulent times: https://thesoberschool.com/how-to-stay-sober-when-politics-is-messy-and-triggering/
Wonderful! Many thanks for, as usual, the truth. Personally, across the “Pond” here, I find most labels generally useless and most of the time unnecessary/incorrect. Of course, Alcohol Free represents (to me) not being sick anymore! Two -1/2+ years now!
Many congratulations on two and a half years of alcohol freedom! ❤️
Kate, thank you for your open discussions . I generally hate labelling because it is so black or white and can be so harmful and destructive . I’m not sure I even like the word sober ( or drunk …. ) both such opiniated descriptions and not even acknowledging the in between .
I am doing your 7 day course slowly and you are so non judgemental , so thank you x
I know exactly what you mean Lizzie about those words and I agree. It doesn’t account for the huge spectrum of drinking that goes on between the two extremes and that’s where 80% of drinkers find themselves. Check out the stories of some past students that will show you what’s possible with my support:https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories
My medical records says “alcohol use disorder”. That’s a fair description given that it affects my heart, AFib and other organs in a negative manner and I still drank. I have been sober for 15 days so far this time and I already feel better. My reasons for drinking haven’t changed, nor has the opportunity to do so. I really enjoyed and understand your message today.
I really liked this video it hits home. I grew up in the 80’s and being a party girl was the only way to be popular. I lived in Orlando FL and my early adulthood was all about booze working in bars. You were surrounded by it all the time. It became apart of your identity. In graduate school you went out for wine after your class to talk about all of your thesis ideas with people in your class. I do not know how ‘to not drink’. I paid for your 1 week sober school reset. I have it downloaded and day one printed out. I just have not done it yet…
You are not alone Nicole and I’ve worked with thousands of women with a similar backstory. You’re in exactly the right place to get the help you need to address your drinking, so please dive in when you’re ready. 🙂
Kate,
It’s been 21 fabulous, completely sober months since I took your course, and because of you, I am committed to maintaining my new alcohol -free lifestyle. And yes, I am truly sick and tired of people—-especially strangers—asking me if I’m an “alcoholic” while they sip their booze, suggesting there is something wrong with me! It truly is flawed thinking perpetuated by the alcohol industry.
Great video addressing a critical and perplexing question , ie what is an alcoholic? You nailed it in your response! Well done! Thank you for being such an inspiration to thousands of women, including me!
Fantastic Diane, 21 fabulous months of elevated alcohol-free living! What other people say about your drinking, says more about them thank you. Keep going, you’re the one who is benefitting from this upgraded lifestyle! 🙂
My name is Deanna and I am NOT an alcoholic either, I am alcohol free by choice. I am proud to say I am a graduate of The Getting Unstuck Course at The Sober School… (Oct 2022) and I liked it so much, I went Back to Sober School (Jan 2026) and cemented in my alcohol free journey. The education I received, the support from the others in the course and the club, has helped me see things so clearly and know I am making the right choice to be alcohol free.
I love that Deanna, alcohol-free by choice! You should be very proud for never giving up on yourself and making the right choices for you. ❤️
Pubs are boring these days, drink in a lot but I want to get a fitness regime going soon, the way to go
I hate the term alcoholic and I tried AA but really didn’t like having to say ‘Hello I’m Ruth and I’m an alcoholic’. At the moment, eight months in, I say to people that ‘it doesn’t agree with me anymore’ which is sort of true but implies that I’ve decided to stop because a couple of drinks gives me a headache or acid stomach when the reality is that I simply couldn’t carry on as I was. I can’t get away from the fact that I got myself to this position and so I don’t feel I can truly say I have an alcohol use disorder.
Perfect response to have handy when anyone questions you about not drinking – and true too! Alcohol doesn’t agree with many of us. 🙁