“I’m really present for my kids now. I’m giving them the mum that they deserve.”

Alcohol had cameo-ed in my life throughout, but I wouldn’t say I got hooked on it until Covid hit. I was trying to work, look after little kids and my marriage was in tatters. It was a grim, dark time.

I made a promise to myself that, after I’d separated from my partner, I was going to make new memories and associations in my new apartment. The first month in my new place I tried to moderate but I failed terribly.

I’m really present for my kids now and really patient. I shouted at them all the time when I drank. Now I don’t feel guilty any more. I’m right there with them, I have so much energy. I can roll around with them and play with them. I’m giving them the mum that they deserve – and breaking intergenerational patterns for me.

I think with a lot of the substances throughout my life, it’s been a lot about running away from pain. I had a really traumatic childhood and it’s been about closing the door on that. But the door always opens over time. I had to get right with myself in terms of my self-loathing and my self-deservedness because I want to be able to model that for my daughter. I don’t want to be the one to make her feel less than in any way.