Do you ever promise yourself you’re not going to drink – but then something happens to throw a spanner in the works?
Maybe you have a terrible day at work and crave a G&T just to decompress afterwards.
Or you’re out with friends and everyone else is ordering wine, so you say yes too.
Or you get home to find your partner has already poured a glass for you and resisting seems futile…
I’ve got a great tip to help you get round all these situations, but I nearly didn’t share it with you in case you think it’s boring! But the thing is, it also really works…
Key points
Why planning ahead properly really works
By “planning ahead,” I mean thinking about your day in advance and deciding how you’re going to handle it without drinking. Do this first thing, when you’re feeling the most calm, motivated and committed to figuring things out. Look over the day and anticipate what’s coming up.
We do our best thinking in advance. We don’t do so well in the moment, when we’re caught off guard or we drift into a situation we don’t know how to handle. When we haven’t thought something through, we’re far more likely to freeze or make choices on autopilot.
“My life is too unpredictable for planning…”
I agree that sometimes things happen that you can’t anticipate. However, that doesn’t happen as often as you might think. We humans are fairly predictable creatures and we tend to do the same things over and over again. You’ve probably noticed that there’s a real consistency to the things you tend to drink over.
Just think about your biggest challenges right now. What are the things that have tripped you up in the past? Maybe it’s date nights, Friday evenings or certain situations at work. Any kind of repeated pattern is worth noticing and addressing – and planning another way to cope with these things will prevent a lot of your drinking.
“Planning ahead is boring!”
I know this is a boring tip with a boy scout vibe. Maybe you prefer to be carefree and spontaneous, so you’re wondering: who wants to be a boring planner?! If this all sounds a bit dull, I get it. But you know what? Repeatedly drinking more than you want to and waking up with regrets is also dull.
And the good news is, this intensive planning ahead bit is only really necessary in early sobriety – you won’t need to do this forever. It’s just that right now, you are changing some of the things you do on autopilot, without thinking, and that takes a little work (and planning!) to begin with.
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
13 responses
Hi Kate, great ideas to overcome that temptation to just give in , because it’s easier or I can start again tomorrow. I am finding that if I plan to do something, exercise class , Yoga, meet a friend, preferably somewhere I have to drive to, in the early evenings , when I usually reach for a glass or two, it helps break the
cycle.You are right. Plan ahead . A pain in some ways but am hoping it’s worth it and it will become second nature to avoid that temptation.
Planning something that gets you out of the house during that vulnerable window really does interrupt the old pattern. It can feel like a bit of effort at first, but you’re right – with repetition it becomes your new normal and that temptation loses its grip. Really well done keeping yourself moving forward. 🙂
I dont think it’s boring at all. Its good to plan your days and also have alternatives if things don’t work out. It is early days for me but your advice is really helpful.
Indeed, having a couple of go-to strategies for distraction works well in the early days. You can also listen to my free pep talk for extra motivation: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
Hi I haven’t had even a sniff of alcohol now for 89 days but when do you stop counting the days, I have had a couple of days recently where I have wavered and I miss it so much, I don’t miss the waking up with the guilty conscience and the being sneaky with the re cycling , but I never woke up with a hang over , it would seem every other advert and every television programme has someone with a glass of wine in their hands and it makes me want to pour myself one, s on far I haven’t caved and hopefully I can carry on but I can’t see myself doing this forever
Well done on 89 days – that’s awesome! it’s up to you when you stop counting the days; maybe note each calendar month if a daily tally is too much. In my online course called Getting Unstuck, I teach women how to tackle the ‘missing out’ feeling and I talk about it in this blog post: https://thesoberschool.com/sobriety-makes-me-feel-deprived/
I don’t find this idea boring at all. I’m pretty fast on my feet and decisive so don’t often make bad decisions under duress. I prefer to look at planning as something to follow through on and feel proud when I do.
As a fellow planner, you should be proud. It’s good to be reminded how effective a strategy this is as life sometimes throws a curve ball our way…
Thank you Kate for your wonderful, non-boring insight! I find if I plan my day with some definite in-place follow-up work, then when something weird happens, I’m already in the operating mode of working around what’s in place – not wildly rushing to the wine glass, as I remember it all. Feeling competent is a big one for me as my career was shortlived (compared to other work), so I do not miss the feeling less than myself as I did when drinking. It has been a wonderful 3+ years!
Just a quick note; I hope it was okay to download the podcast with Jo about midlife situations. I, too, attended some AA meetings and so appreciate your comments if the 12-step options do not work. I found the number of meetings unrealistic in today’s world & being told it was my own lack of willpower (yes, said in meetings). Especially when the underlying problem was not addressed! Thank you for letting me share!
AA isn’t for everyone and my approach is very different as I don’t believe anyone has a disease. Alcohol is an addictive substance and many of us have a predictable response to drinking it – we become addicted. It’s the substance that’s the problem, not us! Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. 🙂
The problem I have with planning is that I then anticipate that the event ( using your example of celebrating exam results) will be less fun ! I then spend the whole day not looking forward to it.
Sometimes I even won’t go just because it’s easier than fighting the cravings and then I become even more lonely which feeds the main reason I drink.
It really makes sense that planning something ends up feeling stressful instead of enjoyable. When an event feels tied to cravings, the anticipation can feel heavier than the event itself. And choosing not to go isn’t you avoiding people — it’s you trying to protect yourself from something that feels draining.
The loneliness that follows isn’t a failure. It’s just the side effect of how tough this pattern has become. A gentle shift is to keep plans small and kind, something that feels manageable rather than “fun.” Little moments of connection can feel safer and still help you move forward.