I love it when famous people talk about sobriety and why they choose to be alcohol free.
(So many red-carpet celebs don’t drink alcohol nowadays, it’s incredible.)
The actress Anne Hathaway has shared that she’s now five years sober.
Her milestone was met positively by many – but some people responded in a way that had me rolling my eyes.
Let’s talk about whether someone needs to “have a problem with alcohol” in order to stop… and what YOU need to focus on here to keep your head in the right place!
Key points:
Anne Hathaway on why she’s sober:
“The way I drink leads me to have hangovers. My last hangover lasted for five days.”
“I’m going to stop drinking while my son’s living in my house just because I don’t totally love the way I do it, and he’s at an age where he really does need me all the time in the morning.”
“If you’re allergic to something you don’t argue with it. So I stopped arguing with alcohol. For me, it was wallowing fuel. And I don’t like to wallow.”
“Having a problem”
Whilst most people online reacted positively to Anne Hathaway’s news, one of the most-liked comments on Instagram said, “I didn’t know she had a drinking problem to begin with.” And there were many others along those lines.
It’s frustrating. I know many women who are reluctant to quit drinking in case they’re met with a reaction like this. They’re scared that quitting drinking will be seen as an indication that they have a problem, that they’re weak or somehow not normal.
How to reframe this
Here’s what you must understand. If we were talking about cigarettes and I announced it had been five years since I’d smoked one, would anyone say to me, “Oh Kate, I didn’t know you had a problem with smoking”? Of course not!
With smoking, we view those cancer-causing cigarettes as the problem. They are the problem, not us. So you don’t need to “have a problem” in order to quit smoking, you just need to have a desire for a long and happy life. It should be exactly the same with alcohol.
Your mindset matters most
Alcohol is a toxic, addictive drug that is also linked to cancer, depression, anxiety, dementia, diabetes and death. If you decide to put down the glass and live life free from this addictive substance, it says nothing about you other than you are smart and want to give yourself the best chance of a long and happy life.
You’ve got to know that, deep inside. When you believe that it changes everything. When you feel confident about that, it doesn’t matter what other people think. You can’t control other people or what they say – but if you have your own back here, you can let other views bounce off you.
26 responses
Love what you say here Kate . Go Anne Hathaway!!
Deva
Kate, I am one year and 5 months alcohol-free. You and your videos/ content are one of my favorite sober tools I have used to stay on this difficult and amazing journey to a new way of living. You have an honest and heart felt quality and I appreciate you. I really liked this video because it always makes me feel empowered when I hear about celebrities I love that are also on this path. You help me flip the switch on my perspective with how I think about being sober and how I talk to other people about it. Thank you.
Hi Brae, huge congratulations on your 17 months, what an achievement! Keep going because it keeps getting better.
Love the way you present this topic. This simple change of mind set has helped me choose to be alcohol free for 7 weeks now. I know, I may choose to have a cocktail on a special occasion but that doesn’t mean it has to be a daily choice. Such a relief to know I am in charge. Thanks Kate
Hi Beth, congratulations on your 7 weeks, that’s brilliant. We make choices every day, choosing ourselves is never a bad thing.
Really good video – thank you, Kate. I can hear the frustration over the differing ways of treating the two addictive substances. Two things struck me: the iniquities of social media that encourage this sort of crass response and people who need to ‘other’ a habit that is very common and that they may well share themselves. Maybe if you can label it a ‘problem’ for someone else, then you don’t have to worry about your own habit.
Hi Georgy, I think that is true, people who use labels for others are the only ones that benefit from using them.
Thank you, Kate, for openly talking about such a big ( and hidden!!) problem like women’s drinking. It’s big because a HUGE amount of women of different ages are alcoholics. It’s hidden because women are very ashamed of this and drink being alone – when nobody can’t be witnessed, suffering from a burning sense of guilt.. And carefully covering up any traces of booze.. And hangover on the next day, when your whole body is desperate to ask for help, and you trying to resist start drink again.. You should go to work and escort your kids to school, frantically trying to pretend to look like a proper mum, wife and employee.. ☹️
I know how hard it is. I went through this bloody hell..
And I can write down the whole book about the woman who step by step, booz by booz by becoming alcoholic.. It’s easy.. Some of us can not stop and quietly degrade.. Some of us losing health and lives..
It’s very sad to finish your precious
life in such a miserable way, isn’t it?.. But never too late to stop drinking. It’s YOUR life, not others, who will not understand and look at you slantwise.. Up to them. Bravo to Anne, she does quit! She is so brave, and she is so beautiful
Thanks Kate and her sober school, I would like to have some 20 years ago, to be honest.. But I’m happy now to join and help others, just don’t give up, just keep going and do what is right!))))❤️
Hi Helena, it is never too late to put yourself first and stop drinking, that is so true.
I agree about the hidden shame Helena.
Hey Kate,
I loved this video so much – it reinforces all the positive reasons for going sober. I love your fierce energy. I’m a newish member of Stay Sober Club at 126 days AF and your updates debunking lazy stereotypes and ideas about drinking give me courage every time. ❤️
Hi Paula, I’m pleased to hear this resonated with you. 126 days! That’s fantastic, well done. It just keeps getting better too, keep going Paula!
Hi I’m new here & on my 3rd day without a drink, & I did have the urge tonight but resisted, I went out instead. It’s something I’ve been wanting to tackle for a long time, & admitting it’s a problem to myself has been hard. It’s good to be part of this group, I can see these emails are going to keep me bolstered. X
Hi Sue, Welcome it’s great to have you here. If you’d like some support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Check out my free webinar for more details: https://thesoberschool.com/battle-with-booze
Well done Sue. I’m with you on Day 3 and coming to terms with the problems alcohol has caused me and how much I want to be back in control of my life. I know it’s going to be immensely difficult but thank God for the community out there who understand and can help each other through this.
Quitting drinking doesn’t have to be challenging, Natalie. Listen to my free webinar to discover a fun and straightforward approach to giving up alcohol: https://thesoberschool.com/battle-with-booze
Hi Kate: I relate to all of your words of wisdom on being sober. I’m 71 years old, and have been sober for 227 days. Can’t believe I’m sharing this. I am a dog walker by day, and a bartender a few evenings a week. Lots of my customers have asked me to share a shot with them, but my answer, because I’ve worked on this, is “we don’t get along”, meaning me and alcohol. 227 days ago, on a family reunion in the north woods, I fell down drunk, almost killing myself on a rock which I barely missed with my face. I woke up on the ground with my dog standing over me looking really sad. A short story, but true. Thanks so much. Your website is like a breath of fresh air compared to the humiliation of going to AA meetings in church basements, with mostly old drunks, who ask you out for a drink with them. True, but kind of a wakeup call. Mary
Hi Mary, thank you so much for sharing, we have all done things we regret, I know I have. Well done on your 227 days. Keep going!
Glad to hear I’m in such good company on this AF journey!
That so resonates with me. I am bored rigid when people hear that I stopped drinking alcohol 16 months ago and are fascinated by the nature of the ‘problem’ I had. Actually what they’re doing is benchmarking their own drinking habits against my old ones so they can convince themselves that their own drinking isn’t a problem
Hi Lisa, Absolutely! That questioning is always about them and says nothing about you. Congratulations on your 16 months!
I am at day zero. I am scared and I am hungover. I don’t want to drink anymore. I don’t want to ever have another day zero. I know that alcohol is doing nothing but shortening my life, eroding my brain and organs, stripping me of my beauty and my strength, and limiting my ability to be fully present for my husband and children. I don’t want to give up like I have so many times before. This time needs to be different. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories with the world. It’s helpful to see others who have made it to the other side.
Hi Anna, I can hear how much you’re struggling right now and I’d love to help you move forward. It can be such a lonely journey when you’re doing this on your own, but rest assured, you can change and you’re in the right place for help. My online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. My free webinar here has more details: https://thesoberschool.com/battle-with-booze.
I’m with you at the start of my journey with an alcohol free life. It’s scary but I know it’s what I need to do.
Go Anne!! 🙂
I am also approaching my 5th anniversary and her example was one strong motivator to keep at at!
I tell the very few people who ever question me about quitting that alcohol no longer serves me and my lifestyle. I quit smoking 25 years ago and absolutely no one has questioned me about that!!
Keep up the good work Kate!
Hi Anna, Congratulations on your 5 years! It can be frustrating to be questioned. I do love your response, there is no questioning that.