The invitations are starting to roll in: Christmas parties, family gatherings, work dos, dinners with friends, Thanksgiving…

And you just know that whenever there’s something to celebrate, alcohol is going to be involved.

If you’re newly sober (or trying to be), how on earth do you handle this? How do you tell people that (gasp!) you’re not drinking this festive season?

Maybe you’re still drinking right now because the thought of explaining why you’re not drinking just feels like too much.

Here’s how to navigate those conversations with confidence.

Key points

Get your own head straight first

Before you worry about what to say to anyone else, you need to believe – in your bones – that what you’re doing is completely fine. Because it is! You’re just choosing to put a different liquid in your glass. I know that statement massively simplifies all of this, but it’s true. 

The liquid you were drinking before wasn’t making you feel great, so now you’re choosing something different. You’re allowed to do that. Remind that worried part of your brain that what you’re doing really isn’t radical or unreasonable. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.

Have a simple line ready

Although no one is owed a blow-by-blow account of why you’ve stopped drinking, it makes sense that some people will ask about it, if they’re used to seeing you drink. Don’t misinterpret their questions as an attack – often people are just curious. Or nosy. Or not really thinking!

So you need a simple explanation that feels good to say but is also firm, confident and clear. Something like:

• “I’m taking a complete break from alcohol because my hangovers are so much worse in perimenopause. It’s just not worth it for me and I’m enjoying not drinking.”

• “Even half a glass messes up my sleep these days. So I thought I’d see what’d happen if I took a complete break for a while and so far, I’m noticing a big improvement. I’m curious to see if things continue to improve.”

• “Alcohol makes my anxiety so much worse the next day. My doctor recommended I take a complete break from drinking for a while, so that’s what I’m doing. I’ve been surprised by how little I’ve missed drinking.”

Notice how these answers aren’t dramatic. They don’t over explain. They also include something positive, which helps to position this as a decision that’s going well for you and isn’t up for negotiation.

Communicate in advance if you can

If possible, let people know before the event. Then you don’t have to think on your feet because it’s already been said. You’re managing expectations and building in some accountability for yourself because you’ve told people what to expect.

The other advantage to having these conversations in advance is that if you’re going to someone’s home, you can plan what you want to drink instead. You don’t want to be left with nothing but water because the host was surprised and didn’t cater for you. You could offer to bring an alcohol-free punch that others can enjoy too.

Remember, most people will be fine about it

When you tell people you’re not drinking, I think you’ll be surprised how many don’t care! When alcohol has been a big deal to you for a long time, it’s easy to assume everyone feels the same way. But for many others, what you do and don’t drink isn’t that interesting. 

Besides, other people change too. Even old drinking buddies – who you were certain would be outraged if you didn’t join them for a drink – might surprise you with their open mindedness or willingness to do something different!

If someone just won’t let it drop…

This is annoying, I know. Remind yourself that you’re not responsible for their happiness. Because honestly, If they need you to drink the same liquid as them so they can feel okay about their own choices… that’s their problem. 

A question I love to use here is: “Why is it important to you that I drink?” Their answer to this often reveals something useful. Sometimes people are just convinced you’re not having a good time, sober, and that’s why they keep pushing. Once you know that, you can reassure them you’re having a good time, alcohol-free.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.