Kate's Blog

3 Mindset Mistakes That Make Sobriety Harder

September’s nearly here and that back-to-school feeling is in the air.

If you’ve been drinking more than you planned to over the past few months, now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and get back on track. 
In today’s video I’m talking about how to avoid 3 common mindset mistakes (that can make sobriety much harder than it needs to be.)

Key points:

Mindset mistake 1: Turning “I don’t want to” into a big deal

In other areas of life, we don’t let “but I don’t want to” put us off. We get up early when we want to lie in. We tidy up. We go to work. We don’t wait until we feel motivated – sometimes things just have to get done, no matter what.
It’s normal to feel resistant to things at times. It only becomes a problem when we talk ourselves into thinking that we should wait until we feel more inspired before we can take action.

Mindset mistake 2: Slashing your car tyres

Getting a flat tyre is annoying. It’s a temporary setback – but that’s all it is. What you don’t do is get so mad that you slash your other three tyres so you’re well and truly screwed. So don’t do this with sobriety either.
One bad day doesn’t need to lead to four bad days. Don’t abandon your sober car in a ditch because it’s got one flat tyre or the windscreen wipers have stopped working. The quicker you get back on the road, the quicker you’ll get to where you want to go.

Mindset mistake 3: Asking pointless questions

Pointless questions include, “Why is everything so hard for me?” “Why can’t I get anything right?” “Why can’t I quit drinking?” These are terrible, pointless questions because you can’t possibly answer them in a way that helps you move forward. 
Don’t waste time and energy answering pointless questions – just ask better questions instead. For example – “I’ve noticed I’m finding this hard right now. What help could I get to make this easier?” Or, “What’s one thing I’m willing to do differently next time?”
If you’d like help and support to create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 


21 Responses

  1. Love the analogy with the car tyres – that was me for a long long time! Not these days though. I’ve been alcohol free since 1st January this year and I have your course to thank for it Kate.

  2. 8 full weeks under my belt/not taking a belt! While dealing with emotional fall-out without a booze crutch, so good to hear your voice & see your face,Kate! Just started Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*Ck. Thanks for the reading list. Jen Sincero’s Badass came in the mail today AND I’ m also reading Ann D Johnston’s Drink.

  3. It’s good to be reminded that one bad day is exactly that – ONE DAY! I had one of those yesterday when I wondered if I’ll ever feel normal again but today hasn’t been as bad thankfully!

  4. 2 weeks and 4 days – no wine for me.
    Some days are so hard like dining out and watching others drinking large glasses of Chardonnay and l order tonic water with lime because l want my partner to quit as badly as l want it for me. Since l have stopped l noticed he has cut back. Thanks for for all your support. Keep up the good work!!

      1. I loved turning I don’t want to into a big deal. Sometimes we just have to get it done. This is the first time I’ve read you and I find your words common sensible? And inspiring. Thanks

    1. I’m on day 16. Getting a bit easier. Still early days yet. Like you my Hubby still having wine but I’ve noticed he’s drinking a lot less now which is good. I was the one opening a bottle of wine to have with our dinner and he just joined me. He now has to open the wine himself and mostly doesn’t bother I was the main reason we were both drinking too much too often Would like him. To stop but I’m not going to put any pressure on him.
      Good luck with your continued AF journey. We can do it. X

  5. Thank you Kate. That is golden. I had a metaphorical flat tyre the other day after 11 AF days, followed your advice and simply reset the counter the next day. Drew a line and moved straight on … previously I would certainly have slashed all the tyres and remained in that ditch for weeks if not months.

  6. This weeks message is perfect. The tire analogy hits home. I’ve been following you for a bit, I’d seriously like to join your October course but would love some details. Such as do we check in at a certain time of day each day etc.
    Thanks Kate!!

    1. Hi Stacey, I’m glad to hear that resonated. If you join the Getting Unstuck course, you would need to check in every day – to do your daily lesson – but it can be at a time that suits you. The course is 6 weeks long and each lesson takes around 20 mins to complete, so it’s designed to fit into your busy life! I’ll be sharing lots more details at the end of September when registration opens 🙂

      1. I would also love to join your next course I have been following you awhile now but not ready to take the step but I’am now more to an ever ready to start a new journey in my life

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