“I’m so happy Mum quit drinking.”
Is there someone in your life who’d benefit from you ditching alcohol?
It’s a question I often ask the women I work with. For many, their answer is: “My kids.”
So I thought it was about time we heard from these children.
I asked them how they feel about their Mum’s sobriety… and their responses are SO powerful.
But don’t just take my word for it.
You can hear from them directly in this video.
Key points
– Parenting is hard, but it’s even harder with a hangover. It makes you more tired, more stressed and less patient. Plus, being in a hungover daze dulls many of the good bits of bringing up kids, so it’s a lose lose situation.
– This video is about the subtler side effects of drinking on children. If you’re the type of person who powers through a hangover and never misses a deadline, it’s easy to assume that no one else is affected by your drinking.
– Whether you’re a Mum or not, there will be people in your life who’d really benefit from you being alcohol free. Reflecting on this can provide some powerful motivation to make change happen.
Looking to create a sober life you love? Click here to find out more about my Getting Unstuck course.
21 responses
Thanks for sharing the children’s perspective, Kate! Today is day 115 into my alcohol free life and I know now that I will never return to drinking.
Temptations do come along, and remembering the encouragement of my children helps me to stay the course. They are proud of me. They are more secure in our relationship. My favorite part, though, is that they have thanked me for modeling sobriety for them. One day, they too may want to pursue sobriety, and it makes me feel good to have shown them how fulfilling it is.
The Sober School changed my life!! Thanks Kate Bee!!
This hits home so hard that it just makes me feel even more guilty and regretful of those times. I’m ashamed that i can’t undo it. My grown up girls are proud of my efforts. I’m still having the occasional drink. I go longer in between but do prefer sobriety when I’m in the swing. I never get drunk any more.
This Resonates deeply with me. I need and want to take this course!
Hi, Like Kelly, I want to take this course. I’m going on a big 10-day (sober) trip shortly but will be back to take the next course, I hope, to bolster my recovery. So glad I have been receiving emails and can see the benefit of the course.
Great video to show great to hear from kids def one that will stick with me
That was an emotional watch. I know my kids would love to see me quit drinking. They make comments sometimes and as they get older I think they’re noticing more and more.
Hi Kate! Suzy here from the class of January 2018 and still alcohol-free. I will tell you something about how my not drinking has affected my adult kids. I now see that all 4 of my children and their spouses drink less now because of me. I used to stock up on 6 or more bottles for a get-together. Now the lot of them may finish one bottle. I realize I was the instigator for drinking more heavily. I was always running around topping off everyone’s glass. When they stay over for a long visit I was getting out the wine at 5 o’clock every night. Now when the kids visit, most nights no one even has any alcoholic beverages. Imagine that!
I did the course in January 2022 and have been sober since . I’ve used the time since the course ended to read and explore more fully the addictive side of alcohol . I do go back to the sessions when I need to reaffirm my commitment to sobriety.. I know it’s very early days and it’s tough .But I’m grateful everyday to get this far , loving being really present .80 days and counting
I think I may need to join the sober school club ?i think the next intake is in May .
Thank you Kate , Vicky and all the class of 2022 . May hear from you on the sober club
Hi Mary and everyone
I took the January 2022 course too and am still AF.
I joined the Sober School Club as I was worried about going adrift when support stopped. It has been great! A lovely, supportive community to be part of and lots of Zoom calls to keep you feeling really connected. I would really recommend joining!
Fiona xx
Hi Kate, my kids absolutely hated my drinking and as they got older they started to be embarrassed by me. That said, I was able to brush it off “cos it didn’t matter -kids always find their parents embarrassing, right?” Wrong. And one day I realised that I was risking everything and it hit me like a juggernaut. I needed some help and I found it with your course. And now my kids tell me every few days how proud they are of me. It felt like a huge decision to try to stop drinking, I wasn’t sure I could do it and it was a big investment in terms of money but it was the best money I ever spent. I did it. Thank you. Day 624 xxx
Interesting video made me emotional can definitely relate to the impact it had on my children. Every night was a party night. Day 26 and its so so hard.
Hold on, Elizabeth. It does get easier! Keep a list, every day, of the things you can count on yourself for (or your kids can count on you for) now that you won’t be in an altered state! It is so rewarding to realize that you are dependable, day or night. You are that person.
I have been sober for a year and a half. I originally stopped drinking be cause I didn’t want my son’s last year at home to be filled with memories of a sleepy, cranky, forgetful mom. As we dropped him off at college in September I realized I rarely even want to drink anymore. Just returned from first sober family vacation and feeling refreshed and happy not exhausted and regretful. What a amazing change. Thank you Sober School for 18 months of support.
Hi Kate
I will be 2 years alcohol free in July 22 & my “kids “ are older, now 30 & 32. It was mostly my daughter who was most adversely affected by my drinking & she is SO very proud of me, as is my husband. This means the world to me obviously. I have 3 Grandboys too & I truly hope I have given myself a better & longer future to see them grow up!
I will be forever grateful for you & your course Kate.
N x
Hi Kate
It was too painful for me to even contemplate asking my son to do this. My heart is breaking thinking about his childhood – both before and after my husband Carl took his life – when Peter was 14.
All I know is since I have given up alcohol last July 14th, I can now see that he is an amazing young man, who finally has a mother who is showing up for her own life and being interested in his.
My kids are grown and used to worry about me all the time. I am now three years sober. They are proud of the changes I have made and are no longer preoccupied with my depression. I can honestly say that while things aren’t always perfect in the world at the moment, I no longer consider myself a depressed person. I am looking forward to my first grandchild this spring and it feels good to know that I can be a source of comfort and support to my family during this time instead of being a cause of worry and discomfort.
My sons 20 and 21 last year were so pleased to see wine o’clock mum giving up her rose wine.
I am so much calmer and happier now. I can really be present for them now. I can get in the car if they need me because I have not had ‘one too many’!!!! I have more patience now and our times together are really shared moments. I was so glued to my glass before.
Next weekend will be my six months marker. My boys are so happy that mum is back. My husband too.
But most of all I am so happy to gett back to who I am. Welcome myself back into my life and start to live it, really live it again.
I don’t know if anyone hesitating to start this scary journey is reading my message but if you are jump in with willing heart and an open mind. As Kate says come on in to the club and upgrade your life. Oh and my boys are so proud of me!
Kate This is so valuable that you are addressing this issue of the effect of alcohol on our children and families. As we know, they tend to see us as an example (good or bad) and copy how we behave. My daughter had started drinking daily but now I’ve quit she hardly drinks at all and is proud of me and herself. She has a busy social life yet has dropped the booze with beneficial consequences. And I don’t need to worry about her as much when she’s out late!
We often think of the negative impact of parents’ drinking on kids as exposure to verbal and/or physical violence but in fact, I believe the damage is the way we normalize drinking as an acceptable everyday activity. They soon follow in our footsteps, as they are expected to do in every other aspect of their upbringing. We talk about modeling good behaviours for our children to learn from, but they also learn our bad behaviours in the same way. I’m so glad I quit drinking when I did, as I now have a daughter learning to navigate her way into her twenties with a drinking culture that is far more permissive and insidious than it ever was when we were that age. She is so much happier now that I don’t drink – I ignored her fears and the pain it was causing for too long – and while she occasionally drinks, her knowledge and understanding of alcohol and its imapcts is much greater than most of her friends. Thanks Kate xxx Best wishes from Anna and the Cockroaches…
This definitely resonated with me… those forgotten conversations with the kids was one of my reasons for stopping.
Day 500 tomorrow quite appropriate for Mother’s Day.
The impact of drinking on my daughter and the example I was setting for her was pivotal in my decision to take your course Kate. In fact, there were two instances prior to signing up for the course where I had a bad day at work and upon coming home my 10 year old asked “Should I get you a glass of wine Mom?” It was heart wrenching and I knew I had to change. I didn’t want her to learn to use alcohol as a coping mechanism like I ended up doing. Now my relationship with her has greatly improved, I enjoy our time together because I have the energy to enjoy it and I’ve been honest with her that I was drinking too much and it was unhealthy and keeping me tired, sick and stuck. At one point we were out for dinner and I was offered a drink, my daughter replied for me by proudly saying “She doesn’t drink alcohol, we like lemonade” I love being on her team “we.”