I saw a news headline the other day that said: “How doctors and dentists know when patients are lying about their alcohol intake.”
Even though I’ve been sober for over a decade, reading that touched a nerve.
I remember what it felt like to sit in the doctor’s office, being asked about my drinking, trying to decide, “Do I tell the truth here or should I round it down?”
The article itself talks about all the telltale signs medical professionals look for, but that’s not what got to me. What really struck me was remembering the sheer heaviness of having to worry about little things like a trip to the doctor’s.
And that’s exactly what I’m talking about today – the heaviness of hiding (and managing) your drinking.
Key points
The hiding doesn’t stop at the doctor’s surgery
Every single woman I work with hides her drinking to some extent. Even if you live alone and think you’ve got nothing to hide at home, I bet there are still people in your life you’re hiding from.
Maybe it’s the friend whose evening calls you never answer because you might sound drunk. The invitations you turn down because they’d mean driving or staying relatively sober when you don’t want to. Emails you draft late at night but don’t send because you can’t quite trust what you’ve written.
It’s the small things that become heavy
Perhaps you worry whether your colleagues can smell yesterday’s wine when you walk into the office in the morning. Maybe there’s that familiar panic when you wake up and realise you sent text messages or called someone last night, but you can’t quite remember what was discussed.
Or perhaps it’s the clink, clink, clink of wheeling your recycling bin to the curb, hoping the neighbours don’t notice it’s full of empties. Perhaps you’ve started rotating between different shops because you’re worried the cashier is somehow keeping count of what you buy.
None of these things feels like a big deal on its own, but can you see – or feel – how all these little worries accumulate into something much heavier? That’s the real problem here. Not any single thing, but the cumulative weight of carrying them all.
An invitation for you…
First of all, be honest with yourself. How many of these little worries and challenges are you navigating each week? How many small things are you hiding, managing, calculating, worrying about? Make a list somewhere private – maybe on your phone – so you can see it all laid out clearly. You’re not doing this to shame yourself or beat yourself up, but just to see it properly.
Then, after you’ve made that list, close your eyes for a moment and imagine not having to manage any of it. Imagine it all just… going away. Imagine not having to worry about or hide anything, because there’s nothing to get caught out by.
That relief you’re imagining? It isn’t wishful thinking – it’s your intuition telling you something important. You’ve been carrying all these little things for so long that you’ve forgotten how heavy they are. You don’t always notice the weight until you finally get the chance to put it down and step back.
Sobriety can feel like relief
We tend to assume there’s a heaviness to not drinking – that it’s going to be hard work in and of itself. But I promise, alcohol-free living does not have to feel like white-knuckling and deprivation. Not when you’re doing it the right way. It can just feel lighter.
Remember, more often than not, there isn’t a big rock-bottom moment that changes things. It’s just the accumulated heaviness of all the little things that one day, becomes too much to carry.
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
10 responses
Good afternoon/morning here in Birmingham (across the Pond) … BINGO! The Feared Doctor Annual Exam. Even after 2yrs.6-1/2 months happily wine & alcohol free, the memory is still fresh enough to be worrisome. I used to start trying to totally abstain a week or two before the appointment – this didn’t always work. Then, I had to worry about test results. Foolishly, the doctor didn’t need to check if I was drinking – lab work, esp. liver panels, tell it all in older folks. Thanks to you and your program of encouragement, this is no more my situation. I am definitely taking the next course just to reassert how much better life is these days. I’m off to doctor’s this am for yearly bloodwork!
So glad to hear you no longer have this worry about visiting the doctor. Good luck with the annual exam! 🙂
An abstainer for nearly 2 years now, looking back, i’m only just beginning to appreciate how much booze I was downing. Had no idea at the time, something which conveniently meant I also had no need to hide it from my doctor for the disturbing reason that I was already hiding it from myself! Really, it was downright freaky how easily and completely I’d forget how many glasses I’d had in a day or evening. I basically had a kind of Number of Servings Consumed- Blindness. Couldn’t help but under report the drinks-count to my doctor – Wasn’t even aware of the true number myself. Had such a talent for keeping myself blissfully ignorant, I had no actual clue. And, as I was in the habit of insulating empties with cardboard, purposely to avoid the clink clink sound (glass and cardboard all go in the same recycling bin where I live), I able to stay that way. It wasn’t until ultrasound detected a shadow on my liver that the true toll of my boozing came to light for both me and my doctor. Interesting to note, years of blood tests and questionnaires never gave any cause for alarm – Bloods always came back fine and, never having driven whilst drunk etc, questionnaires always came back fine too
(Mind you, I wouldn’t put too much store in the questionnaires doctors are instructed to ask you though – When I realised I needed to go to rehab, i still couldn’t get the GP to give me referral. Even when I went to the other extreme of saying I was downing 2-3 bottles of wine a day, the doc still couldn’t justify a spot for me in rehab! Seems you’ve got to be breaking bones or committing crimes before questionnaires will flag problem-drinking)
It’s true that even the health profession downplay the harm of alcohol because it is the most romanticised and glamorised drug on the planet and we all accept that! However, it is a harmful drug and when the user has an inkling something is not right, that’s when warning signs should not be ignored.
Well done on nearly two years of being free from that worry, your physical and mental health are benefitting every day. 🙂
Hey Kate,
Thanks to you, I no longer have to do mental gymnastics to make sure I’m not revealing too much!! I once told the Dr something close to the truth then queried why she didn’t look too surprised – she said “we can always tell” – not least, my liver test results screamed from the rooftop!!
If I sobered up for a month prior to taking a test (purgatory) the results improved – what better proof…??
But hiding from the Dr was the least of my worries as I didn’t go that often. It was all the other hiding – swapping between bottle shops, slipping my empties into my parents’ recycling bin (I didn’t have one then) or taking them to the tip myself. Since I quit we now have free curbside bottle recycling and it’s always with a smug sense of satisfaction when I put my bin out about once every four months but I see my neighbours’ bins full to the brim every fortnight!
No more turning down invites so I could indulge alone, or having just one drink before heading home and “finishing what I’d started”.
No more worrying about what I’d said on phone calls and repeating stories to my friends (the boring, repetitive drunk…).
As for the morning after… that was a whole other and more frequent nightmare, full of broken promises and despair. I truly hated early meetings incase I stunk of stale booze.
I don’t think I was aware of the heaviness until it was gone. As for the “shame” of being sober – nope, not a whisper! The only people embarrassed by my sobriety are those who secretly carry their own heavy weight.
The relief has been monumental and every day I wake with a clear head and thanks for sobriety!!
Hi Anna, you describe the relief from that heaviness perfectly. Thank you for sharing this.
I loved that video chat Kate . I feel you just nailed everything you said is what I have been doing for years. Yes the recycle bin making sure it was emptied before company came
Yes going to different stores to by alcohol or a different register with a different cashier,
Walking up looking hung over which all the concealer and makeup can’t erase
As Kate was speaking I felt that weight in my shoulders and head that I carried around
So true
Work was effected even if o had 2 glasses of wine I was not productive “ all messed up”
The difference now is that’s all gone but I still have the worry of staying AF
Been buying alcohol
Free wine drinking it at the same time
I used to drink . I decided now not to buy any more Af wine just have sparkling soda , because o was recreating drinking
Time . Make sense?
Tha
L you ther video was perfect for me
To listen too
Hi Maureen, I bet if feels great to be free of that weight on your shoulders now. Well done, keep going!
My journey is just beginning I have all the same worries regarding bottle clinking/ going to different shops/ buying cards and cake at the same time to make it look like a celebration ♀️ (my main shame being my lovely husband knows but he now keeps quiet and just looks out for me! It’s heartbreaking) but I find all the things people share so inspiring. To be free or alcohol and to live my best life sounds amazing. Looking forward to your new course in April.
So pleased I found you.
Finding freedom from alcohol and living your best life is totally possible for you Rosalyn. I’m looking forward to having you join the next Getting Unstuck course in April.