Kate's Blog

The Shame Of Needing Help To Quit Drinking

“I should be able to quit drinking on my own. I’m ashamed of my drinking and ashamed that I can’t get my act together and stop this.”

This email landed in my inbox over the weekend and reading it took me right back to my drinking days.

Back then, the fact that I was drinking so much and couldn’t figure out how to stop felt awful. I was so ashamed.

And because shame is a horrible feeling, it was never long before I’d be opening a bottle to escape and bury my head in the sand.

Can you relate? This week’s video is the pep talk I so badly needed to hear on this topic years ago… so my hope is that it helps you today instead.


Key points:

Perhaps you believe there is something wrong with you for repeatedly drinking alcohol in the way that you do. Maybe you think you’re weak or you lack discipline – or you just haven’t got the self control that other people have. That feels hard enough to sit with on its own, but the pain of trying (and failing) to change just adds another layer of shame on top. It’s a double whammy of shame.

You’ve been using alcohol as a coping mechanism for many years. This is understandable, because that’s what most of us have been conditioned to do. Drinking is how you manage a tough day or uncomfortable feelings. It’s also considered to be fun and exciting and a bit of reward. So why wouldn’t you want more of that? And on top of all that, don’t forget that alcohol is addictive. When you’re using addictive drugs, it’s normal to get addicted to them.

Given all those factors, is it really surprising that you’ve becoming reliant on alcohol? It’s a predictable side effect of using alcohol on a regular basis. It’s just that now you’ve got to a point where the side effects of using alcohol have become too great. So you’re looking to change things up.

If you’re trying to change your drinking, it means you’re self-aware and have identified something that’s interfering with your quality of life. That’s it. You simply have a coping mechanism that’s no longer serving you. There are lots of things we do for a time in life, and then get to a point where we say, “You know what? This isn’t really working for me anymore.” This is one of those times.

You have a choice here. You will need to break some patterns, understand your drinking and learn some new skills. It’s a lot to do at once, so if you try it on your own and struggle, it’s no big deal. The best time to bring in outside help is when you’ve had a go at this yourself but keep getting stuck. Or you’re finding it hard and are wondering if you’re missing something.

In my video, I share how a running coach helped me see a problem with my running that I just couldn’t spot on my own. Sobriety is kind of the same! There will be something that you’re doing or thinking, that’s tripping you up and making things hard work. It’s tough for you to figure out what that is because you’re right in the thick of it. If you want my help to have a breakthrough, you can find out more about my online coaching programme here.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 


14 Responses

  1. Hi Kate! Yes, I can relate. I had tried many times and could not do it alone. I was finally able to get free by doing your course, and then with the friendship of women I met there and still am close to today. As a “gray area drinker” AA or rehab were not for me. I was in a very different place. But I did need a community to do this and to stick with it. 6+ years later I am still going strong and I thank you and the supportive community I found through you.

    1. It’s wonderful to hear from you Suzy and congratulations on surpassing six years! Your dedication and hard work have paid off, and now you can enjoy the fruits of your labour. ❤️

  2. Dear Kate.
    After taking your online course in January of 2020 I am so happy to say I have been AF to this day. You helped me get my life back. I was scared at first that if I quit drinking I’d loose friends, I wouldn’t have fun, I wouldn’t be fun, how would I fill my time at night. Well I’m happy to say that I have great friends that love and encourage me, I enjoy my life so much and am so happy. Being AF has saved me soooo much money, I now can focus on other areas of my life, like I started a vegetable garden which gets me out in the fresh air and keeps me active. I started making my own natural cleaning and skincare products. I used the free time I got back from not drinking and directed it into things I really enjoy doing. My mind is clear, my health is better and I am grateful for the coaching you gave me. I will be forever grateful to you for teaching me how to live the life I was meant to live. Thank you Kate.

    1. Thank you for getting in touch, Dawn. It’s wonderful to hear from my students who have successfully built a remarkable alcohol-free life they deserve. You’ve fully realised the benefits that were once overshadowed by alcohol. Sobriety truly is the gift that keeps on giving. ❤️

  3. Thank you. I feel terrible shame in even admitting this to my Husband. I’ve finally done it and since finding your content, it’s been 7 days. Very early days and have had a couple of wobbles and have nearly reached for the bottle but, thanks to your videos, I’m managing to keep away xx

  4. There’s no shame in getting help for quitting. Why not get ideas and support from someone like Kate who has gone before you?
    If you want to go it alone that’s your choice too.
    Just don’t quit quitting… I didn’t manage it the first time but now it’s nearly 3 years.

    1. Thank you for your endorsement Sue and massive congratulations on achieving three years of sobriety. Your determination shows that persistence is rewarding. 🙂

  5. Thank you, Kate, so much! It was these words of ultimate wisdom from you that helped me on my journey of getting alcohol out of my life and like you said, upgrading my life so much by doing that. I took your course in January of 2020 and have not had a drink since! I thank you, from the bottom of my heart♥️

  6. Loved this video. Makes the decision to quit as easy as saying “this isn’t working for me anymore” and deciding to change with help! GREAT video and hope it will convince others to get the help. Sober School graduate and now 556 days–couldn’t have done it without your help Kate! Thank you Kathyj

    1. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness and my mission is to show more women the truth. Many congratulations on 556 days Kathy, that’s an amazing achievement. ❤️

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