Kate's Blog

Think You’re The Only One Doing This? You’re Not Alone

If you’re like most of the women I coach, then I’m guessing your drinking tends to happen behind closed doors, in the kitchen or on your sofa at night.

Hardly anyone else knows about it, because you do such a great job of hiding it. You don’t skip work or miss deadlines – you push through a hangover, no matter what.

Because your drinking isn’t something you speak about, it often feels as if you’re the only woman in the world behaving this way.

But the thing is, you’re not alone – as I explain in today’s video…

Key points

The only one?

There are a few things that nearly all worried drinkers do, but rarely admit to – and they don’t realise other drinkers are doing it too. So I’m going to share three of those things here, just in case you’re convinced that you’re the only one doing this… (You’re not.)

Drinking in secret

Perhaps you top up your glass when your partner isn’t looking. Maybe you open a bottle of wine and imply that it’s your first drink of the evening, when you secretly have a second bottle tucked away, out of sight. Perhaps you pour your alcoholic drink into a mug, because it feels easier than explaining to someone that you fancied a drink already.

Maybe you take your own stash of alcohol with you when you’re travelling or staying at someone’s house, because you don’t want the stress of wondering whether you’re going to get enough to drink. When you’re out with friends, you go and get a round in and your order single measures for everyone else, but doubles for yourself.

Spending time acquiring alcohol

It’s a constant dilemma: having too much booze stockpiled at home doesn’t feel like a good idea, but having to buy what you need each day means frequent trips to the shops and the fear of not having enough. You visit different shops on rotation because you’re paranoid that someone might’ve noticed how much you buy.

If you’re often drinking in secret, you also need to think about where to store the alcohol and where to put the empties. The logistics of getting in what you need, consuming it and then disposing of it are really something. The chances are it takes up a fair bit of time and brain space.

Thinking about drinking

What to drink, when to drink, where, how much… you have a near-constant internal dialogue about booze that runs in the background, even as you hold conversations with other people. You can be holding one conversation with friends or your partner and a completely separate one with yourself.

All this to-ing and fro-ing, this mental back and forth, is exhausting. Sometimes you end up drinking just so you don’t have to think about it anymore. Alcohol is stopping you from being fully present – both in your own life and with the people you care about – because you’re so preoccupied by when you’ll have more.

Looking to create a sober life you love? Click here to find out about my Getting Unstuck course.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 


27 Responses

  1. This was so helpful. You described me and my drinking behavior to a “t”. I’m going through my umpteenth withdrawal and I’m sick of it.
    And I’m sick.

    1. I’m totally with you Elizabeth, the withdrawal is the worst! I can definitely reasonate with everything Kate said. I’m not even enjoying what I’m drinking.

  2. This was me. I am close to 3 years alcohol free!!! I was in your July 2020 group and it seemed impossible but here I am. You helped me save my life, thank you!

    1. Nearly three years Andrea, that’s awesome! And you did it through the pandemic years too – congratulations on your forthcoming soberversary ❤️

    2. This was me as well !! Just celebrated two years and going into my 3rd year. It was like a ball and chain . Kate’s words and encouragement was the best!

      1. Well done Valerie, freedom from the constant draw of alcohol and the mental chatter is so liberating 🙂

  3. This is completely me. Hiding bottles using a mug. I too order like 9 once’s at a time . I also have had shop owner knew what I liked. Boy it’s like reading about me!!! Pat

    1. This Was me too. Absolutely crazy looking back, going to incredible lengths to get the booze, hide it , drink it, then get rid of the evidence. A full time job !!. Alcohol-free living is liberation!
      Thanks Kate for reminding me , of how I behaved. I never want to go back there.

      1. This was me That was my life . I did the course in October 2022 and watching this video now 6 months sober helps so much , it brings back memories I never want to be my life again . Drinking is SO time consuming.

        1. It’s wonderful to hear how well things are going for you Penny, congratulations on your 6 months. It keeps getting better and better too.

  4. Hi
    I agreed with some of the things that you talked about. For me it is the reason why I sometimes drink. I lack confidence, I’m often told that I’m playing devils advocate when all I’m doing is having an opinion, I don’t always feel that I have much to contribute or am not heard?!!!!

    1. It can be a lonely journey when you’re doing this on your own, but as I’ve mentioned, there are thousands of women quietly going through the same struggles. If you need some support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here are the details of my next course: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

  5. You hit absolutely every nail on the head for me in this video! I’m currently in day 12 of being alcohol free & loving it but in the afternoons I have thoughts of drinking but so far I’ve made it through. Trying to stay strong!! Thank you for your inspiration

  6. Every aspect of this video is true for me. Planning to try not to drink tonight. Wish the Unstuck class started now. I feel ready to try again. Thank you for all the great info!

  7. I resonated with SO much of this! I’ve been trying to moderate, but it’s so damn difficult when my brain tells me to “hurry up, no one will see you right now, so get that tiny buzz on & carry on normally”..

  8. This was my life for so many years. Doing your course was the best money I’ve ever spent! Freedom from hangovers, freedom from the constant battles around trying to control, justify and replenish supplies for my drinking!! Hiding the empties was the last straw!! And after 4 years, I no longer bother with justifying why I don’t drink. I revel in my health and well-being and ability to be the sober driver any time!!

  9. I’m with you too Elizabeth and Kate is right, it is exhausting. I’ve stopped drinking yet again but I wonder, how long for THIS time

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