Before I quit drinking, I had a hundred “What if?” questions.
What if I try to stop and can’t? What if my sobriety makes other people uncomfortable? What if they assume I’m an alcoholic? What if I never have fun again?!
I didn’t know it at the time, but my “What if…” questions were keeping me stuck.
I was worrying about problems that hadn’t actually happened yet.
If you’ve caught yourself doing the same thing, today’s video will help:
Key points
The problem with “what if” questions
Your brain is trying to solve fictional problems – things that haven’t actually happened yet. However, by dwelling on this stuff, they can start to feel very real and overwhelming. It’s easy to reach a point where you’re not sure you even want to try any more.
What if the worst doesn’t happen?
This is the first thing to consider. So often your greatest fears don’t come true. When alcohol is a big deal to you, it’s easy to lose sight of what you’re capable of. You forget that other people might react in a much more reasonable way than you’re anticipating.
Stay present
If you’re unhappy with your drinking right now – and you’re curious about what your life would be like if you took a proper break from booze – then that’s what should be informing your actions. That’s more important than something that hasn’t happened yet.
What if the worst does happen and it’s all ok?
Right now, you’re trying to find solutions to problems that haven’t yet happened, based on how you feel and what you know right now. But what if quitting drinking leads you to change and grow as a person? That version of you can probably figure out how to manage some of these worst case scenarios!
Looking for help and support to create an alcohol free life that feels amazing? Click here for details of my online course.
26 Responses
thank you!! i find your messages very uplifting and encouraging!
jen 2021 student …looking forward to 1 year sober!!
That’s amazing to hear Jen! Congratulations on your sobriety. I look forward to seeing you celebrate one year ❤️
Thank you ….you really made me think
I’m definitely going thru a lot of what if’s. Each day I wake up determined but by nightfall, I’m craving the wine.
It sounds as if there’s quite a lot going on there Darlene. It would be great to explore this further with you and get to the bottom of those cravings. They always happen for a reason and there’s plenty to learn from them! The best way for us to work together is via my online coaching programme – here are some more details about the next class: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thanks. Very helpful and supportive message.
No problem Suzena, wishing you a happy and hangover free week! 🙂
You are really helping me finally see things which I knew were right but I wasn’t facing it with the right mindset. I think with your blogs/videos I feel I have a really good chance of achieving my goals now I have your support.
Thank you I’m excited for the future x
Go for it Kirsty! I’m glad my short blog videos have inspired you. If you need any support from me in future, definitely check out my online coaching programme, then we can really get you moving forward! Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
‘Regret has a longer shelf life than fear.’
What an amazing quote! I had to write that down. I’ve recently moved, made huge changes which were all scary, and I’m still moving forward. I’ve left a relationship fueled by alcohol, and am now in a healthier place. Thank you for all you do. You’ve been cheering me on for years. ❤️
Congratulations on making some big and scary changes Jennifer! Be proud of yourself, it takes guts to make changes like that 🙂
I was a definite grey area binge drinker. People may think i had more of a problem then i did. Let it go! The power comes in the sobriety!
Unfortunately I am very much a what if person . I can see what you are saying is right.. great blog and inspirational
Thank you so much for this What if video. I am 84 days sober and had a mind shift after listening.
Now of course I know I ll face challenges (but nothing like the first 30 days (aaaah)).
Today for the first time I faced an issue: I wanted to celebrate something important and it’s strange to do that without real bubbles!
I totally relate to this post ! The sun makes me think of wine and for so long celebrations mean wine, I want to do the course Jan 3 2022, but can’t get totally on board and not sure why! I always feel I’m missing out if I’m not boozing and it has become part of my identity but I’m not worried about long term health etc etc and get wicked anxiety the next day etc etc
Go for it, Suze. The course will open your eyes and mind. And, it’s for a break for 6 weeks. I am a graduate of the October 21 class and I can tell you that your identity is more than sun and wine. Let YOU be worth it.
So have you stayed dry , that should read I am worried about my health ! I guess initially looking at it as 6 weeks is hardly a hardship ! Well it will be lol! And yes anticipating issues that may not be there !!!!
Thanks for the encouragement !
I am right where you are Jennifer, and know that God has set us apart from our old ways of living to new ones in Him. Let’s embrace our chance for this new life!
Thanks Kate.
My daughter referred me to your site and I am so grateful for your blogs.
I am just about to enter detox and I certainly resonate with your wisdom.
My biggest fear has been ‘Can I do this?’ When I had actually made the decision to make a change, many things just fell into place- a new D&A counsellor who referred me to a new proactive doctor, who referred me to a new mental health psychologist, all of whom are working with me on my journey.
But What If you succeed at living alcohol free, hangover free, regret the next morning free, non-sense drunk arguing free? If you don’t stick with it, you’ll never know how great you can feel, when you’re free from alcohol. It’s worth the risk. 3 years alcohol free, thanks to Kate’s Sober School.
Hi Kate, great words It’s hard when people keep asking are you drinking tonight and when I’ve said no they are starting to respect my decision my mind set is not feeling hung over the next day and so lovely enjoying the feeling Of being on top of the world, my anxiety is so much better, so who ever suffering today it’s been my best decision don’t be scared give it a go
Thanks Kate always good to have a reminder of why I took your course (Jan 2021) nearly 1 whole year alcohol free, I couldn’t have done it without you .x
I am a lifelong nail-biting worrier. I have a habit of procrastinating and over-thinking what-if scenarios. It’s exhausting and in the end the worst never happens. Trying hard through your program as well as through meditation, exercise and nutrition to do exactly what I need to do. Live my life in the present and enjoy every minute of it. Thank you for your common sense advice and for helping me transition back to the person I once was.
Kate this is so true. Having been sober for 5 months thanks to you and your course I can truthfully say that some of my ‘what ifs’ did happen but I worried about this before I became sober and didn’t realise that how I handled things then is not how I handle things alcohol free. I handle my what ifs when they do come up with calmness and new found mental clarity. The positives far outweigh the obstacles which also make you stronger.
“regret has a longer shelf life than fear”–thank you for reminding me of that.
I will be taking your course in Jan. Till then I make it a point to listen/read testimonials 3 times a day. I read that this practice has a way of creating new neural pathways in the brain. I am going with that, because I am evidence of it. Bless you Kate and all others on the journey.
Why is there no male version of your program?