The other day I was walking around my neighbourhood admiring all the Christmas lights.
It got me thinking about how much time we spend decorating, cleaning and maintaining our homes.
We spend time looking after our physical property but we don’t always put the same care into the “home” we carry with us everywhere – our minds!
So what’s happening inside your brain?
Is it brimming with useful thoughts about sobriety? Or is there a bit of clutter in there that needs to be tidied up?
Let me show you exactly what I mean in today’s video!
Key points:
Your mind is your most important property
We clean our houses, maintain our gardens and put up festive decorations. Yet somehow, we let unhelpful thoughts about alcohol run wild in our minds unchallenged. When it comes to sobriety, that internal clutter needs just as much attention as your external space.
Drinking problems are really thinking problems
Have you ever thought to yourself: “I don’t know why I keep drinking. I know it’s bad for me, I promised myself I’d stop, but I caved again. I just don’t get it.” Here’s the truth: you’re still drinking because you think alcohol does something for you. Perhaps it seems like a reward, a coping tool or the magic ingredient that makes life’s moments “special”.
This internal conflict – wanting to quit but fearing what you might lose without alcohol – is the root of the struggle. It’s not about weakness or lack of willpower: it’s about unchallenged thoughts that keep whispering, “You need this.”
Stop letting thought intruders run your mind!
Right now, you might have a “thought intruder” living rent-free in your head, saying things like: “You’ll never keep this up – why bother?” Or, “You’re going to be so boring without alcohol.” Or: “Normal people can drink – what’s wrong with you?”
If someone broke into your home, you wouldn’t just let them roam around, destroying your belongings. Yet, when it comes to these negative, sabotaging thoughts, we often let them run wild without question.
Ignoring these thoughts doesn’t work
Trying to rely solely on willpower – gritting your teeth and pushing through – is exhausting and unsustainable. The secret is all about managing your thoughts – confronting them head on. Shine a light on them. Question them. Analyse them.
When you do this, you might realise alcohol isn’t delivering the benefits you think it is. For example – you tell yourself alcohol helps you have fun, but you can recall plenty of nights where drinking led to arguments, embarrassment or regret. Or you believe wine helps you cope, but you can see how it’s actually making your problems harder to manage in the long run.
Looking ahead to the New Year
As we approach 2025, many people are starting to think about making a fresh start with sobriety. If that’s you, I encourage you to try managing your mind, tackling your thoughts about drinking instead of trying to ignore them.
If you have time to decorate your home for the holidays, clean it and keep it tidy, you definitely have time to declutter your mind and do this mindset work. I’ll be showing you exactly how to do that in my free New Year Masterclass… more details to come on that soon!
39 responses
To make this the last time I try & quit & make it a lifestyle choice for good!!
That’s a great goal for 2025 Nicky! I’d be honoured to help you make that goal become a reality, so please join my online coaching programme, details here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi Kate! I haven’t had a drink in over 3 months and I am very happy about it. Thank you so much for your continued support!
You’re very welcome and three months is a fabulous achievement. Keep going Lisa, sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised!
3 weeks without a drink. My brain does every now and again tell me I’ve had a rough day and why don’t I just relax with a rum and coke, I deserve it. But I don’t, I currently see him, Mr Rum as my enemy trying to encourage me back over to the dark side. So I have a word with him and tell him, no so politely to do a run and jump. Determined that I will win
Well done Heather! 🙂 I love the way you’ve flipped the narrative from “I deserve a drink” to treating alcohol for what it truly is; a crude sedative in a pretty bottle.
I am also 3 weeks into my alcohol free journey. It’s been tough, particularly at this time of year, when there is so much marketing going on. But I am trying lots of different alcohol free alternatives and I am pleasantly surprised at the choice available now.
My partner is also cutting down so it’s a win win, I am also looking forward to the time when it won’t even enter my head that I would normally have a drink at this time. Roll on week 4?
Kate I’m going to give it all that I have got I’am up for the biggest challenge of my life.,one that I’am going relish and lead me to a better life..
I would like to feel like I don’t need alcohol to enjoy the social times, and a crutch for feeling inadequate and lonely.
That is my goal for you too Prudy and all the women that come to work with me. Take a look at some of the inspiring stories that previous students have shared: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/ You CAN do this…
Hi Kate,
I have really loved watching the daily Advent videos. They are so “to the point” on the topics you are speaking about.
Today, I am 77 days alcohol free. I want to continue and I definitely know that our thinking is at the root of all desire to drink.
My inner mental struggle isn’t near as strong as it was when I started October 1. I love my quiet mornings with tea and devotions and alcohol free podcasts etc. And even the evenings at the 5:00pm wine hour aren’t near as much of an inner mental struggle any more.
But Since I have put out my Christmas decor, that sneaky little drinking voice tells me that other people are having a “couple” drinks at their social gatherings, or sitting cozy in their living rooms enjoying wine, while enjoying the tree and lights.
I know that my inner voice is romanticizing the wine, but part of me knows better. I know there is no such thing as just “a couple glasses of wine.”
I know this all intellectually, but I’m looking forward to the day when drinking wine is no longer a desire at all. Thank you for all you do. I love your approach to being alcohol free and your voice is always so calming.
I’m so happy to hear that the Advent Calendar is proving to be a source of inspiration for you. 77 days is an amazing achievement, well done you! When those sneaky thoughts pop up associated with Christmas traditions, just plug in your headphones and listen to my free gift to you this festive season. https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk Before you know it, thoughts of drinking a harmful neurotoxin will fade into Christmas past…
Thank you Kate. I’ve yet to make the commitment – nearly there – just knowing when to jump! I also like your approach and know I need to change my mindset – because being alcohol free is what I want, just need to get rid of that voice….
I hope to do your course too – both looking forward to it and feeling daunted.
There’s never a better time than now (or January when my next course starts). It’s called Getting Unstuck and is a six week coaching programme and that’s all I suggest you focus on. 🙂 https://thesoberschool.com/course/
You are spot on Kate with drinking problems are thinking problems. When I drank wine I would think that it helped me cope. But it never did. For me it was a bad habit, my personal crutch. When I made the decision to stop it was for my health. You have to do the internal work to figure out why you drink. As of yesterday it has been 14 weeks of sobriety for me.
Congratulations Debbie! ❤️
Great points about our ‘toxic’ thoughts Kate. This will be my 3rd Christmas without alcohol. I’m glad to be free of the morning after regrets, puffy red face and guilty late night trips to the offy for more expensive cancer-causing poison.
Hi Kate,
My goal for 2025 is to quit alcohol for good. I go a couple of months & then get lured back in.
I can’t metabolise it properly anymore either; the hangovers are awful.
Thank you for your vids & your support.
The piece of the puzzle that’s missing for many people and the reason why they go back to drinking, is the mindset work. When you still believe that alcohol provides you with some benefit or service, it’s very hard to resist, especially when it’s marketed as the solution to all life’s problems. I can help you make that mindset shift so alcohol becomes insignificant in your one precious life. Let me help you achieve your 2025 goal by joining my next class of Getting Unstuck in January: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thanks for today’s pep talk. It is always an eye-opener when I hear my thoughts in your podcasts. I’ve been sober since September 27, 2023. This will be my second Christmas season sober. Some thoughts are hard to handle. Such as when I was pretty much drunk from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Jeeze Louise, what a waste of time my life has been. But I’m doing it over sober. I’m not sad, but glad I can face my demons standing on my own two feet. Merry Christmas.
Ah, wishing you a very Merry second hangover free Christmas! ❤️
I am 28 days sober! I have done this before but this time I KNOW there is no going back. I am happier sober. I am able to give my children what they need. I am less anxious about work. The immediate high and release of the first drink (which doesn’t happen every time anyway) is NOT WORTH the ensuing unhappiness, chaos and dread that follows. One of the best things Kate has ever said is no-one talks about smoking in moderation. Having another drink is not an option. So I am looking forward to a sober New Year and a sober new life. Kate, you have been more help to me over the last two/ three years of my life than anyone so I would like to thank you and wish you a very happy and sober Christmas and New Year. To everyone else – keep trying if you are still trying and to those who have stopped, keep going. You can do it! It starts with the first day. Then the next. Then it’s day three – it gets easier. But never, never think you can drink again – however difficult or awful things are – that one drink will make everything SO much worse. It’s just not worth it!
Thank you for your kind words Jessica. You’re right, that one drink is never worth it because it leads to the next one and the next one and the chaos returns.
Wishing you a very happy and hangover free festive season. Sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving! 🙂
Thanks Kate, your chats are really helpful. They reinforce my thoughts on staying away from the bottle. I’m doing well, not perfect but most days I feel so pleased with myself. I’ll continue not drinking over Christmas and into the new year.
Progress not perfection. Merry Christmas and a Happy New sober 2025! ❤️
I really want to do this, but remain unconvinced that I can.
You absolutely can do this Hilary, let me show you how in my January class of Getting Unstuck. If you’re looking for inspiration, have a listen to some of my past students: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I stopped drinking for 7 years but started again a number of years ago. Now it’s affecting my whole life and I want to get back to the ‘Me’ who didn’t drink and had a good life so that’s my plan for 2025 and onwards, just need some help to do it as it’s lonely being a drinker and I’m missing out on life itself.
Having a sober community to support you is one of my ‘pillars of success’ for the thousands of women I’ve coached to become alcohol-free. Join me in January 2025 for the best lifestyle upgrade you could ever give yourself. https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi Kate,
Hi all,
I haven’t had a drink since 8th October and haven’t missed it…until a big party with lots of lovely people that I dont know very well. I felt weird, the odd one out and left early, missing out on lots of fun. But I don’t have a drink. Now I wonder what people are thinking about me, trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter what they think and not quite believing it…but I didn’t have a drink.
Well done for sticking to your alcohol-free decision and it doesn’t matter what other people think. Let them think what they want, you’re doing the best thing for your health and that’s all that matters. The first time you go to a party, or a family gathering or socialise without drinking may feel a bit odd. It stands to reason when these events were very heavily associated with alcohol before. That doesn’t mean it will always be that way though. Don’t judge sobriety on one occasion. I recommend socialising 10 times before drawing any conclusions.
Everyone misses out on something and I expect many of the party guests wouldn’t have minded missing out on their hangover the next day. Or the regret or embarrassment, or the lost phone, keys, handbag etc…
I’ve been working closely with my psychiatrist since the death of my brother he left me with overwhelming problems and we are discussing treatment in rehab
Hi Kate – I’m 72 days AF and loving life. I was out with work friends on Saturday for our Christmas ‘drinks’ and when I showed my son the photos he said you’d never know I hadn’t had a drink . I’ve come to realise I’m still me without a drink. I laugh, joke, dance and generally have a lovely time. 2025 goal is to have a AF holiday. I have the intention and the tools thanks to your advice. Best Christmas present ever. Thank you xx
Ah, Joanne, it’s wonderful to hear your son say that. He’s certainly right; you can have an equally good time, if not better, without alcohol impeding genuine enjoyment. What a wonderful gift for you and your family this Christmas – your authentic self. 🙂
My daughter is an alcoholic…last February, she was given 1-2 years to live if she kept drinking…she is still drinking. It’s ironic that one of the ways I deal/ cope with this, is by drinking. I’ve tried to stop/ quit, but never manage it. I want to come on your January course and make it happen this time….
The best way to help your daughter is to help yourself first and it would be my privilege to guide you Linda. Sometimes all it takes in a family or group of friends, is someone to go first. You can be the lighthouse for others when you make the decision to change.
Hi, everything you say resonates with me and gives me the strength to carry on – currently on day 10. I read that when Stephen Fry was giving up smoking he gave the desire a name, it’s a tad rude so I apologise for that but it really helps. Alcohol is now known as Barry Bastard. I have my own counselling session with my Brain every day where we call out Barry and his blandishments. That coupled with your really helpful advice is working well. I feel better already. Thank you so much. Goal for 2025 is to be alcohol free for good. x
You can do it Sheena and kick Barry to the kerb for good! 🙂
Thanks for on going support Kate look forward to your chats. Gives me encouragement and inspiration to carry on . Looking forward to the on going support in 2025
Many thanks
Val