If you’re drinking more than you think is “normal,” the chances are you often try to hide it.
Maybe you sometimes pour your wine into a mug? Or perhaps you like a quick drink on your own before anyone else joins you?
Even if you live alone, I suspect there are things you do to make sure no one else finds out what’s happening behind closed doors.
I was pretty adept at hiding my drinking too, so I know how exhausting it is. If you’re a secret drinker, there are three things I recommend you do next.
I explain all in this week’s video…
Key points
1. Stop comparing yourself to others
Remember, if you’re great at hiding your drinking, then it stands to reason that other people are too. If you leave parties early so you have time to pick up a bottle and spend the evening drinking the way you really like (alone), then other people are doing this too. Stop comparing your insides to other people’s outsides. You are not the only person who drinks in secret and goes to great lengths to hide it.
2. Stop asking other people what they think
I often work with women who will say something like: “My husband thinks my drinking is fine and I’m overreacting. Could he be right?” When we explore this further, we discover that the husband / friend / family member doesn’t actually know the full picture. Which makes sense, because if you’re hiding your drinking, how could they? Only you can make an informed decision about your alcohol consumption, so be wary of placing a lot of weight on other people’s opinions.
3. Make sure you get some support
If you’re hiding your drinking, I suspect you’re feeling quite isolated right now. You have secrets that weigh heavily on you. You’re trying to figure this out on your own, whilst beating yourself up, feeling annoyed and wondering what’s wrong with you. (Hint: there is nothing wrong with you!) We’re not meant to do the hard things in life alone.
26 Responses
Definitely sounded like Me!
This WAS me!!!
Thanks to Kate I am nearly 1000 days sober
I cannot express how grateful I am to have found your course….
I am now the REAL me.
Wow, 1000 days! Congratulations Ann, so good to hear your REAL lifestyle is bringing you joy ❤️
I remember doing those things 🙁
A little over a year sober now. I never joined your course but I have listened to you quite often and had purchased your book. I could not have find it without your help. I still look forward to hearing from you always
What is the name of the book please
The name of my book is “How to go Alcohol Free” by Kate Bee https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Go-Alcohol-Free-Sober/dp/1787393461/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
It’s quite scary how you exactly described me here I have already registered for your next course and am really looking forward to starting.
I look forward to showing you how to take a break from booze whilst enjoying the process Liz 🙂
Everything you said from beginning to the end of this video is ALL me…sadly
Allow me to show you another way to live without the secrecy, lies and guilt. Thousands of women have found freedom from the ‘alcohol trap’ at The Sober School and I can help you too. My next class of Getting Unstuck starts next month, find out more here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
The wine in the coffee mug sounds so familiar! The good news is I’ve been alcohol free ever since I took your course Jan 3 2022! Thank you!
Awesome Peg! You’re reaping the benefits of an AF lifestyle and it suits you 🙂
Sounds great!
Hi Kate, I do not hide my drinking, I just drink too much. My family is “concerned” about me and says they are willing to help me with whatever I need. However, I don’t trust that they are really empathetic and concerned but just are annoyed and concerned. Whom else would you suggest my help comes from? I am on the list for Getting Unstuck, but that’s 30 days away.
When you don’t have support at home, it can seem hard to make a change on your own. Your success should never hinge on other people, well meaning or not so the good news is you can be your own cheerleader. Have a listen to a blog I wrote on this topic about not having support, I think it might really help you: https://thesoberschool.com/my-partner-doesnt-support-me/
Your Getting Unstuck course, Kate, was the best thing I ever did. So much powerful information was shared over the 6 weeks… every day was valuable. And the support offered was genuine and reliable, and made for a really good experience. I highly recommend the Getting Unstuck course.
Thanks Karen, you’re doing brilliantly and the hard work at the beginning was worth it!
I am there. Hiding it every day. I am a 58years old single mother to my granddaughter and have always been an occasional drinker. Then 10 years ago a daily after work drinker. But after losing my daughter, my granddaughters mother 2 years ago I have been drinking daily and alone. Now I am not feeling healthy, I’ve gained 20lbs and I am getting unhealthy lab results. It’s affecting my liver at this point, and probably so much more. I have tried to go a day here and there without and I never make it past day two! I am considering medical IV alcohol detox. Do you know anything about that?
Hi Maria, The support we can provide will help you tackle your emotional and psychological addiction, but it’s not a substitute for medical advice or support. Your health is very important and critical to your success, so if you’re not sure whether you’re physically addicted to alcohol or not, it’s always better to play it safe and check with your family doctor.
Taking a break from booze is beneficial both physically and mentally which is why my course is six weeks long to give your body and mind chance to really feel the difference between sobriety and drinking. Remember that alcohol is addictive which is why after a few days, your body craves more of the drug. It’s the substance that’s the problem, not a perceived lack of willpower or self control!
I’d love to help you see what sobriety is really all about. I think everyone deserves to have that experience, because it’s very different from stopping for just a few days here or there. Here are the details of my next course: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
When is your next getting unstuck course please?
Hi Mandy, the details of my next course are here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/ It starts again on Monday 10th July and we’d love to have you join us 🙂
I Definitely fall into this category.
I am hiding my drinking. This may sound a bit weird but I sometimes like the secrecy. Its something to do for myself without judgment.My husband thinks I drink a bit too much very occasionally.He has no idea the lengths I go to because I am pretty good at it. I did your getting unstuck course few years ago and was sober for 3 months. Now i have the odd few weeks alcohol free but then something seemingly innocuous happens and I am right back on it.
Learning how to navigate those innocuous moments in life with a healthier coping mechanism is the key to making sobriety stick. Dust off your sober toolbox for what works for you Thelma and you’ll soon be living alcohol-free again 🙂
Hi Kate – I so resonate with everything you say but I am so so stuck – I believe I am enrolled on your next course 10th July
Yes Catherine, you are booked on the summer Getting Unstuck course due to start on the 10th July. Have a listen to some of my previous students talking about their experiences, they’re inspirational: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/