Don’t get me wrong – quitting drinking is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
But I can’t pretend it’s all been sunshine and rainbows.
In fact, there are some really annoying things that can happen when you stop.
So I thought I’d talk about how I’ve handled this stuff, in case it happens to you too.
Key points:
1. Some people will pressure you to drink
It’s horrible when friends nag you not to be boring and “just have one!” It’s a hard thing to navigate because so many of us are people pleasers who hate letting anyone down. But it’s much better to disappoint someone else than to disappoint yourself. Breaking a promise to yourself is going to cost you far more in the long run than a few minutes of awkwardly turning down a drink ever will.
2. Some of your friendships will change
We don’t like change, and we especially don’t like our relationships changing. But most drinkers end up surrounding themselves with other drinkers, and sometimes the thing you had in common with someone really was just what was in your glass. When you take that away, sometimes there isn’t much left. It can feel unsettling to notice this, but sobriety is a brilliant truth filter.
3. Some people will say stupid things
Be prepared for the odd comment that makes you want the ground to swallow you up. I’ve had people ask me outright, “Why would you quit? Are you an alcoholic?” Nobody would dream of asking someone who quits smoking that question! In the early days, these comments can really sting. But this happens far less as time goes on, once the people around you adjust to the fact that you don’t drink anymore. Don’t let an early experience convince you this is how it’s always going to be.
4. You might feel like you’re walking around naked
After years of using alcohol to numb the edges of life and smooth over any awkwardness, sobriety can leave you feeling exposed and emotionally raw. It’s a bit like you’re learning how to be yourself again, and that takes some getting used to. It’s inconvenient, especially early on, but it doesn’t last. There’s something genuinely amazing about working out who you really are and discovering you’re still a complete badass without the boozy comfort blanket.
5. You won’t always be catered for
There will be events where the only options are red or white wine, or where your alcohol-free drink turns up in a plastic tumbler while everyone else has a proper glass. When it does, remind yourself it’s genuinely ridiculous for there to be no alcohol-free options… and honestly, if anyone can be trusted with a glass, it’s surely a non-drinker?!
And remember…
The challenges I’ve mentioned here are nothing compared to the horrors of drinking too much. These annoying things are a walk in the park compared to waking up full of regrets, breaking a promise to yourself, letting other people down, letting life pass you by, not being able to remember important things or just feeling less than your best all the time. That stuff really is annoying.
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
9 responses
Greetings from across the Pond. I had exactly your experience, Kate, with friends. Three or four “pals” conveniently had no time anymore for lunch, or bistro (only ones with alcohol) etc. I was no longer of interest either as far as what was going on in my life, even when I was in hospital! Well, there I discovered sobriety is not only comforting, a giant relief daily, but doable. The friendships I kept/have now are all comfortable with themselves, and me. As my surgeon said, “Well, I don’t drink alcohol because it interfers with what I like to do – surgery.” One of the best statements of all time, in my opinion. All this being said, I make sure I have the Wine O’Clock bookmarked.
It’s amazing how sobriety quietly reshapes our friendships, often for the better. And your surgeon’s line made me smile; it’s simple, clear and honestly brilliant! 🙂
Hi all,
Well, I actually haven’t even told anyone yet as I don’t feel I have the strength at the moment !! I will in time though, I am preparing myself for the why ? Questions !! ….my answers will be the same to everyone as they are to myself . I want to feel good and be me again !!
You don’t need to rush telling anyone. It’s completely okay to protect your energy while you find your footing. What matters most is exactly what you’ve said — you want to feel good and be yourself again and that’s as good an explanation to use as any.
Hi Kate I’m sober nearly a year now thanks to your wonderful course.
I find it annoying when people say to me
Well does this mean that you will have a drink now that you have been sober for so long.
The attitude that people have,that you have to drink to be fun really gets to me.
Congratulations on nearly one year free from the alcohol trap Claire – that’s a significant milestone to reach. My simple answer to that comment would be “why would I want to drink when all alcohol offers is a hangover”
Me again – I’m with you Claire! Another way alcohol, esp. wine, sneaks in. I used to know gals who would not go to lunch anywhere that did not serve at least wine! It is annoying in itself that’s another way of stealing joy (not to mention one’s money). Thanks for allowing me to chime in.
One thing I found was that I would get missed out of rounds, like just because you weren’t drinking an alcoholic drink it wasn’t worth including you when offering everyone else one ♀️
That is another annoying thing to add to my list – thanks!