“I want to quit drinking, but my partner won’t stop.”
“I don’t think I can do it alone.”
I know it can feel hard when you’re thinking about going alcohol-free, but your other half has no plans to change.
So how do you navigate this? There’s one big thing you need to remember, as I explain in this video:
Having a partner who drinks doesn’t need to be a problem
If you’re adamant that you can’t quit unless your partner does, here’s what you need to know: about half the women I work with have husbands and wives who don’t want to stop. It’s not a big deal, provided you’re getting support elsewhere.
Remember this too: I work with plenty of women who are single, or who have the most supportive partners you could imagine – and yet those women have still found sobriety hard. Having zero temptation at home isn’t the secret to success.
Stop making your circumstances your problem
Here’s the hard truth: when you blame your life or your circumstances for your drinking, you’re always going to find a reason why this can’t happen for you. We’ve got to stop waiting to feel supported by others and start supporting ourselves first.
The good news? When you take ownership of the fact that you’re 100% responsible for your drinking, it’s also very liberating, because it means that you don’t have to change anyone else in order to change you. Changing yourself is much easier than trying to change others!
Remember: you are your own person
Take a moment to think about all the ways in which you are already different from your partner. There will be many areas of life in which their behaviour does not influence your beliefs, choices or habits.
Letting go of alcohol can be just another one of those things where they make one choice and you make another. Your relationship is about so much more than the liquid you pour into your glass.
For help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online class