10 Unexpected Benefits Of Quitting Drinking

10 Unexpected Benefits Of Quitting Drinking

If you’ve been toying with the idea of going alcohol-free for a while, you’ve probably already thought about the benefits of quitting drinking.

There are the obvious things, such as waking up hangover free (that never gets old!) saving money and making the most of your free time. 

Then there’s the fact that you’ll probably look better, gain energy and you might even lose a pound or two.

But to be honest, those well-known side effects are just the beginning.

The benefits of quitting drinking go much deeper than that…


1. You’ll care less about what other people think

When drinking is the norm, sobriety requires you to go against the grain and stand out from the crowd. This can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, especially for those of us who’ve spent a long time trying to ‘fit in’. 

However, once you’ve done one brave and hard thing, it’s much easier to do more. Before you know it, you’re making decisions based on what feels right for you, rather than what you think you ‘should’ do. 


2. Being sober will make you feel strong and proud

Before I quit, I thought sobriety would make me feel boring, weird or like some kind of failure. This is not the case. Doing the thing you thought you couldn’t do (which so many others can’t even contemplate) is a real boost to your confidence. 


3. Your sense of what’s possible changes

When you’re drinking, it’s easy to just accept the status quo or fall into a pattern of saying “No, I couldn’t do that.” Sobriety changes that perspective, forcing you to reassess what’s possible and figure out what you really want.

I have a secret Facebook group for women who’ve graduated from my stop drinking course, so I get to see what they’re doing with their alcohol-free lifestyle. It’s brilliant to hear about all the amazing things they get up to, because their beliefs about what they can achieve have been altered. 


4. You can show up for the people you care about 

When you’re alcohol free, you can ferry the kids around without feeling annoyed that it’s interrupting your drinking time. You don’t need to rush through their bedtime routine so you can get back to your drink. You don’t have to cancel your weekend plans because you feel ill. 

It’s so much easier to do the things that matter – and follow through on your good intentions – when you’re not feeling hungover or preoccupied by booze. 


5. You can figure out what really makes you happy 

Society has conditioned us to believe that drinking brings joy, and therefore sobriety will make us miserable. Yet when we step back and think about this, we can see it’s nonsense. If alcohol truly made us happy, you’d never meet a miserable drinker (and you probably wouldn’t be reading this!) 

One of the benefits of quitting drinking is that you get to work out what truly brings you joy as an adult (if you’ve been drinking for a long time, you might not know). You also get the opportunity to work on the underlying issues that drove you to drink in the first place. 


6. You’ll get clearer about who you want in your life

Sobriety is a great filter. When you remove this distracting, mind-altering substance from your life, it becomes a lot easier to see what is and isn’t working. Without alcohol papering over the cracks, some relationships won’t seem quite so solid, whilst others will feel much stronger than you anticipated. Either way, the blinkers are off and that is a good thing. 


7. You find out who you really are 

If you’ve spent decades thinking “Oh, I need a few drinks before I can do that” then the chances are you have a lot to learn about yourself. It is fascinating to get sober and discover that you’re not quite as shy as you thought and you can network without alcohol. 

If you’ve spent years (or even decades) relying on alcohol to get you through awkward situations, you won’t know what you’re truly capable of yet. I bet you surprise yourself. 


8. You have more options 

When you’re sober, you can drive yourself home from a night out. You can pick a restaurant based on the food, rather than the wine menu. You can give your partner your full attention, rather than keeping one eye on the bottle. And you can stay out late and still get stuff done the next day, because you’re not hungover. 

When we talk about sobriety, we tend to focus solely on the thing that’s being taken away, rather than the benefits of quitting drinking. Yet by removing alcohol from the picture, what we’re really doing is creating space for lots more options, choices and benefits. 


9. You’re fully present 

I think it’s interesting that alcohol adverts often promote booze as a way to connect. In my experience, drinking tends to make us less connected. You might be physically present but mentally, it can be a whole different story. 

When alcohol steals our focus, we miss the subtler stuff – the special moments that make life what it is. We get short changed on memories. It doesn’t matter how many photos you take on a special occasion, nothing is going to be as good as being able to remember it yourself. 


10. You’re free to live your best life

As a sobriety coach, the big thing I’ve noticed is that many women drinkers simply aren’t living their lives the way they want to. They’ve lost confidence in themselves. They don’t have the energy to do the things they used to love. They can’t focus on their goals, hopes or dreams because booze keeps holding them back. 

Cutting out alcohol is about so much more than just not drinking. It’s about removing a roadblock to happiness and giving yourself the chance to live life fully. And trust me, there is so much life available on the other side of alcohol. 


If you’d like some help to stop drinking and create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.


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5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Quit Drinking

5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Quit Drinking

Ah, the beauty of hindsight! It makes everything look so different.

I quit drinking in 2013 and back then, I had so many misconceptions about alcohol-free living and what it was going to be like (and what it said about me). 

There’s so much stuff I know now, that I wish I’d realised sooner… because it would’ve made things a lot easier.

Here are 5 things I wish I’d known before I quit drinking:


It’s not going to be hard work forever

Changing any habit requires effort in the early days, and sobriety is no different – it will take up a fair bit of energy and brain space to start with. However, it’s really important that you don’t let your mind run away with you. It isn’t always going to feel like this.

In the long term, alcohol free living is a doddle – it’s perfect for anyone who wants an easy life. Seriously, if it required ongoing willpower I’m sure I wouldn’t have stuck with it! Nowadays I think that continuing to drink is the harder choice. Hangovers aren’t for wimps, are they?


There’s more than one way to quit drinking 

One of the reasons I set up The Sober School is because I never got on with AA. It wasn’t a good fit for me, for many reasons. However, the message I kept hearing from other people was that you ‘should’ go to AA. You ‘should’ work the 12 steps. And you ‘should’ declare yourself an alcoholic. 

I’m now more than 6 years sober and I’m adamant about this: you don’t ‘have’ to do anything. If AA isn’t your cup of tea, go and find something that is. Sign up to an online course like mine. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Join a Facebook group. We’re all different, so experiment and see what works best for you. 


It’s easier when you stop questioning the decision 

Toing and froing over whether or not you should quit is exhausting. It grinds you down and keeps you stuck. It is so much easier to make one firm decision and give it 100%, rather than endlessly wondering if you’re doing the right thing. 

But that doesn’t mean you need to be ready to quit ‘forever’. Instead I recommend taking a break from booze for a defined period, e.g. six weeks. That gives you something to focus on and work towards, whilst still feeling in control. 

At the end of your break you can decide what to do next, having given yourself the chance to experience sobriety properly. Taking a complete break is much better than just stopping for a few days each week (I wrote more about that here).


Other people might need time to adjust 

Let me be clear here – if someone has a big problem with you not drinking, then the chances are they’re not a true friend. They’re just a disappointed drinking buddy. However, I bet there will be other people in your life who react strangely to your sobriety to begin with, but come good in the end. 

A lot of people were surprised when I quit drinking, because I kept the worst of it fairly well hidden. When people are caught off guard, they’re more likely to make clumsy, insensitive comments, so don’t read too much into people’s initial reactions. Just give them a bit of time to adjust. 


Mindset REALLY matters 

When I look back on my previous (unsuccessful) attempts at quitting, what really stands out is my mindset. I was convinced sobriety would be awful, so I constantly looked for evidence that proved that to be the case. I was annoyed I couldn’t control alcohol, and I felt weak and resentful. 

By the time I quit drinking in 2013, my attitude had begun to shift. I’d realised just how much I was losing by continuing to drink. Sobriety was starting to feel less like ‘missing out’ and more like letting go of something that wasn’t working – a bit like breaking up with a bad ex. 

So pay close attention to your mindset and inner beliefs. Treat sobriety as a lifestyle upgrade and be open to it being far better than you imagined. You have so much to gain, and so little to lose 🙂


If you’d like some help to stop drinking and create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.


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6 Tips For A Successful Sober September

6 Tips For A Successful Sober September

Sober September is here already!

The seasons are changing and that back-to-school feeling is in the air…

If you’ve been drinking more than you planned to over the past few months, now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and get back on track. 

Going alcohol-free is one of the most empowering and exciting things you can do for yourself. However, successful sobriety isn’t just about ditching booze and hoping for the best – there’s a bit more to it than that…

Today I want to share a few key strategies to help you have a great month.


6 Tips For A Successful Sober September


1. Mother yourself

Cravings are the body’s way of trying to tell us that something isn’t right; that we’re out of balance and need to take action to feel better. As drinkers, we’ve trained ourselves to interpret that craving sensation as a cue for alcohol. But when we were younger, we didn’t do that. 

Think of it this way: if your child started being grumpy, restless and irritated with everything, you wouldn’t reach for the wine bottle to soothe them, right? Instead, you’d troubleshoot the problem and try to make things better. You’d mother them. 

Are they tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Bored? Do they need a cuddle? Connection? Love, help, support? As adults, our needs are basically still the same, only we’ve been conditioned to think that all we need is wine – that it’s some kind of magic fix. But drinking never, ever gives us what we really need. 


2. Gather evidence

A common mistake people make during a month off booze is to romanticise and glamorise the thing they can’t have. They spend the whole time focusing on what they’re missing out on and counting down the days until they can drink again. 

A better approach is this: keep a list of all the so-called ‘benefits’ you think you get from drinking. Next to the list of benefits, draw two columns: evidence for, and evidence against. 

For example, if you’re convinced that you need wine in order to make date night more special, what about all those times when you’ve argued after drinking too much, or become distant, sleepy and distracted? That is important evidence to note down.

Leave plenty of space between each benefit so you can add things as you go along. Even if you’re convinced alcohol definitely does provide a particular benefit – and there isn’t any evidence to the contrary – the chances are that belief will change with time.


3. Fill your head with good stuff 

Keep the right mindset by using any gaps during the day to listen to a book or a podcast about sobriety. Listening rather than reading makes it easy to squeeze a chapter in here and there, while you’re driving to work, tidying up or walking home etc etc. 

If you need some ideas, click here for a few of my book suggestions. A good podcast to try is The Bubble Hour. I was on it a while back (listen here) and I think the next episode (released tomorrow) is going to feature one of my students, Monica 🙂


4. Keep a list of things you’re proud of

Before you go to bed, take a few seconds to note down at least one reason why you’re proud of yourself that day. Perhaps you’re feeling good because you didn’t drink, or maybe there’s something else you need to give yourself acknowledgement for. 

When you’re struggling with your drinking, your self esteem can plummet. And when you’re feeling really down on yourself, it can seem even harder to do the stuff that’s outside your comfort zone – like stopping drinking. 

You can find one thing you’re proud of each day. At the end of your sober September, look back on your list. Is there more on it than you expected? How much of it would’ve happened if you’d been drinking? This is all good stuff to reflect on. 


5. Change one small thing 

You’ve already made one bold move by quitting drinking, so why not do another and change something else in your life that isn’t working? If you’re relying on a drug like alcohol to get through an average Monday night, it’s a sign that something else isn’t quite right. 

Now of course, there are plenty of things that are far too big to fix or change in a month. But you probably can make one tiny step towards making your life easier.

Maybe it’s setting better boundaries at work, not checking your emails after a certain time, getting more help at home or just going to bed a bit earlier. Find your one small thing and commit to making it happen. 


6. Stay focused 

I know how tempting it is to try and do it all. As well as sober September, you want to start a new diet and master a new fitness regime. However, taking on too much at once tends to be a recipe for disaster – you end up feeling overwhelmed and ready to give up on everything. 

In the long run, alcohol free living will be a great foundation for achieving your other health goals. But first, you need to get comfortable in your sober shoes. You only have a finite amount of willpower, and right now it all needs to go into mastering this one thing. 


If you’d like some help to stop drinking and create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.


Download your free Wine O'Clock Survival Guide!

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Why You Can Stop Asking, “Am I An Alcoholic?”

Why You Can Stop Asking, “Am I An Alcoholic?”

If you’re worried about your drinking, the chances are that at some point or another, you’ve wondered: “Am I an alcoholic?”

I remember googling this so many times and I never got a very clear or helpful answer. 

I was pretty sure I wasn’t an alcoholic, but my drinking was causing problems. 

So I felt stuck, because it seemed as if I didn’t (yet) have enough of a problem to qualify for the ‘must stop drinking club.’ 

Fast forward to today and an awful lot has changed. Not only am I six years sober, but I’ve realised that “Am I An Alcoholic?” isn’t the right question to ask. Here’s why:


What is an alcoholic? 

Is it someone who regularly drinks above the recommended guidelines? Probably not, because most drinkers do that. Is it someone who regularly drinks more than they intend to? A lot of people do that too.

What about those who are physically dependent on alcohol? Who have to drink every day and start the morning with a few shots? Again, it’s not so straightforward. This study found that only 10% of excessive drinkers are officially ‘alcohol dependent’. 

Meanwhile, Professor David Nutt (the UK government’s former chief drugs adviser) says “We know a third of the people coming into the liver unit with alcohol-related liver damage do not meet the criteria for alcoholism.”


Drinking isn’t black and white

If you’ve filled out a questionnaire about your drinking, the chances are it might have been this one (if you’re in the UK) or this one (if you’re in the US). Notice how neither questionnaires use the term alcoholic. Instead, both refer to alcohol use disorders – something that is more of a continuum. The questionnaires are about finding out where you are on the spectrum.

When we type “Am I an alcoholic?” into google, what we’re really looking for is a yes / no answer. But as the questionnaires show, it’s just not that straightforward. We can’t wrap this all up into one neat thing. Alcohol is messy and there are lots of grey areas. 


“Am I an alcoholic?” makes it all about you, not alcohol

Can you imagine a smoker hunching over their laptop and fearfully typing “Am I a nicotineoholic?” into google? Can you imagine their angst as they wondered what was wrong with them – why couldn’t they control their intake of this addictive drug? No? It sounds crazy, right?

We accept that nicotine is addictive, so when people become addicted to it, we don’t blame them – we blame the drug. It’s just a no brainer. And yet with alcohol, we do the exact opposite. We shame people for having too much and not being ‘in control’.

In doing so, we’ve created a culture where it’s really hard to question your alcohol intake without being labelled. I think that’s a real shame, because we should be able to examine our relationship with alcohol in just the same way we do with sugar and gluten. 


It encourages rock bottom thinking 

Behind the “Am I an alcoholic?” question lies another one: “Are things bad enough for me to need to do something about this?” And behind that question lies the belief that life without alcohol must be awful; so terrible that you’ll only put up with it as a last resort.

The truth is, we don’t need to be anywhere near rock bottom in order to decide we’re going to raise our standards and do something different. What if we let go of this idea that alcohol was somehow essential to a happy life, and saw it for what it really was instead: just a drug. Something you can choose to use, or choose to leave behind. 


What to do instead

Unless the ‘alcoholic’ label empowers you to change (which I know it does for some people) then feel free to ditch it. You are perfectly entitled to explore different lifestyle choices without needing to label yourself first.

Observe your drinking. Keep a record of how alcohol is making you feel. It’s easy to minimise and rationalise the reality of your drinking when you’re keeping everything in your head and forgetting things. Writing it down makes this stuff real. 

Rather than asking if your drinking has become ‘bad enough’ for you to need to quit, focus on whether it’s good enough instead. All things considered, are the side effects worth it? Are you happy to keep putting up with things? I wrote more about this concept here

Find help. If you’re struggling, don’t go it alone. My online stop drinking course is for women who are curious about living life alcohol-free, but need a bit of help to make sobriety stick. 


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Trying To Moderate? 10 Things You’ll Need To Be Ok With First

Trying To Moderate? 10 Things You’ll Need To Be Ok With First

“Surely one drink won’t hurt?”

The thought pops into your head from nowhere.

Now you’re thinking about trying to moderate and wondering whether it’s a good idea. Just one drink sounds so harmless. So normal… so reasonable.

You’ll just have one and leave it there. Or maybe two small glasses. But definitely no more than that, right?  

If this internal battle sounds familiar, you probably already know, deep down, that moderation rarely ends well for you. But that doesn’t stop you from thinking about it. Or trying it, again and again.

If you’re toying with the idea of having ‘just one glass’ tonight, read on…


Trying To Moderate? 10 Things You’ll Need To Be Ok With First:


1. Spending ages coming up with a plan you’ll later ignore

If you’re trying to moderate, you’ll need to start by enthusiastically creating some rules for yourself. Google advice on how to cut down and remind yourself of all the tips you’ve read a hundred times before. Convince yourself that this time, you really will alternate every alcoholic drink with water.  


2. Regularly breaking your promises 

Moderation is so hard, you will inevitably break some of the commitments you make to yourself. You’ll need to be comfortable with this happening on a regular basis. Alternatively, you can move the goalposts and ease the pain of going back on your word by finding creative ways around your own rules. E.g. Is it really drinking alone if the dog’s at home? 


3. Knowing that moderation is a full time job

What are you going to drink? When? Where? How much? Are you sure? Do you have enough supplies? Where are you going to get more? Has anyone noticed? These questions aren’t going to answer themselves. Moderation gobbles up time, energy and brainspace, so make sure you’re prepared for this. 


4. Finding a range of stores to shop from 

Is the person on the till giving you a funny look because they can remember what you bought yesterday, or is it just your imagination? Who knows. Make life easier for yourself by selecting 3 or 4 shops you can pop into on rotation, and pretend you’re there spontaneously. 


5. Learning a lot about wine 

Nothing signals ‘sophisticated, moderate drinker’ like someone who knows their way around a wine menu. Personally, I used to be happy drinking any old thing (especially after a few glasses) but it’s never good to be caught buying the cheap stuff. 


6. Starting your day early. Very early.

Alcohol interferes with your sleep cycle, even in small amounts. It’s frustrating to wake up in the early hours, hungover and exhausted, yet somehow unable to sleep. Keep a pile of good books by your bed to help pass the time. Plus some water and painkillers, of course.


7. Getting to know other heavy drinkers 

When you’re trying to moderate, you’ll find yourself drawn to other people who also drink a lot. You feel good around them and your drinking seems normal compared to theirs. The downside? A drinking buddy is not the same as a true friend, and you may end up losing touch with people who genuinely care about you.


8. Low self esteem

Here’s a secret: ‘normal’ drinkers get addicted to alcohol. (I wrote more about that here). Struggling to control a mind-bending drug is not a big deal, nor is it a personal failing. But when you’re in the middle of the moderation dance, you won’t be able to recognise this. Your self esteem will take a pounding and you’ll wonder, ‘what’s wrong with me’? (Answer: nothing)


9. Setting regular tests for yourself

This is an important part of keeping the moderation magic going. Every now and then you will need to take a week off. Or if you can stand it, a whole month. Then you know – and everyone else knows – that alcohol is definitely NOT a problem for you and there is absolutely nothing at all to worry about. 


10. Be comfortable lying to yourself 

Occasionally you’ll catch yourself wondering if you should quit completely. Might it be easier? Would it make you happier? When those pesky thoughts creep in, remind yourself that you’re enjoying the best of both worlds right now. You’re fine. People like you don’t quit drinking, right?! Right. You’re just having a bad day. You’re happy with things as they are. Honestly. This. Is. FINE. 


If you’d like some help to stop drinking and create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.


Download your free Wine O'Clock Survival Guide!

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4 Reasons Why You’re Not Taking Action Yet

4 Reasons Why You’re Not Taking Action Yet

When it comes to taking action, you feel stuck.

You spend a lot of time thinking about your drinking; worrying and wondering whether you should quit.

You buy books about alcohol free living and follow sober bloggers on Instagram.

You wake up hungover and vow you’ll quit – only to question the decision a few hours later.

It’s exhausting, not being able to decide what to do. Alcohol is making you unhappy… so why aren’t you taking action?

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Here are 4 (totally normal) reasons why you might struggle to take action – and what to do about it…


It seems like a really big decision

Quitting drinking feels like such a big deal, you want to be 100% certain you’re doing the right thing. But you can’t imagine giving up forever, so you’re stuck in a loop of never feeling quite ready.

How to take action anyway: 

You can overcome the fear of forever by taking a temporary break instead. You don’t need to be 100% certain about the future – it’s impossible to know how you’ll feel in a month’s time, never mind a year or several decades away!

Taking a break for a month or two allows you to test drive sobriety and get into a new routine (studies show it takes 66 days to form a new habit). Once your break is over, you can always go back to drinking if you want to – or set another short term goal.


You’re weighing up another option

If you really can’t bring yourself to get started, the chances are that part of you is still considering the alternatives. The idea of finding some way to moderate your alcohol intake can be hard to let go of.

How to take action anyway: 

I’ve written before about why moderation rarely works (you can read that here) but to be honest, you need to come to that conclusion yourself. If you still want to focus on cutting back, then continue with that for now, but do put a time frame on it.

Decide how much longer you’re going to keep attempting to moderate. Record the different tricks you’ve tried and the rules you’ve created to keep your drinking in check. Does any of it work in the long term? And does it make you happy?


You’re just not sure if it’s worth it 

Sometimes your drinking feels really bad, but on other days, it feels pretty manageable. There are things you like about drinking and you’re worried you’ll miss out on so much.

How to take action anyway:

Keep a diary. Set a reminder on your phone so you remember to write a sentence or two about how you’re feeling, morning and night. Do this every day, regardless of whether you’ve been drinking or not.

Our minds are incredibly unreliable and we often ‘forget’ stuff like this. By writing this down, you’re gathering important data about how alcohol genuinely affects you.

See what patterns you spot. If, for example, you believe alcohol is helping you cope with stress – but you notice that every drinking episode is followed by several days of problems and extra stress – then that’s important information to take note of.


You’ve ‘failed’ before

Perhaps you’ve tried to quit several times already and it hasn’t worked out. It was painful and you felt so bad afterwards, you don’t want to put yourself through it again.

How to take action anyway: 

When you tell yourself that you’re a hopeless case, all you’re really doing is making yourself feel better about not taking action. But that’s a very disempowering place to be. The truth is that ‘failure’ is part of the learning process. It’s not a sign that you’re weak or never going to crack this.

Nearly every student who joins my stop drinking course, Getting Unstuck, will have multiple ‘failed’ attempts in their past. I expect that, because it’s normal. The most important thing is not to let the fear of failing again hold you back – I wrote more about that here.


Final tip: make a decision either way!

Toing and froing over the decision can make you feel as if you’re being productive, when you aren’t. Agonising over it takes up a lot of brain space and the uncertainty can be draining.

If you want to keep drinking for now, that’s ok – but make a conscious choice to do that. Put a time frame on it and set a reminder on your phone, so you remember to review how you’re feeling.

As I mentioned above, I strongly recommend keeping a diary, so you can see how the drug is affecting you and your quality of life over time. Don’t rely on your memory to help you gather this evidence – you need to see it in black and white.


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