If you find yourself giving in to alcohol cravings at the end of the day, you’re not alone.
Maybe you promised yourself that you wouldn’t drink tonight. Or this week.
Perhaps you’re in the middle of a long break from booze or you’re trying to quit for good.
Choosing not to drink felt like a great idea, earlier… but now you’re itching to open a bottle.
If this sounds familiar, let me show you exactly what to do next…
Key points:
First: a word on cravings
Cravings say nothing about you. They’re not a sign that you’re weak or destined for failure. They’re just a sign that you’re changing a well-ingrained habit. That’s all. If you’re currently wondering how to stop craving alcohol, here’s the good news. Cravings to drink are not going to be a daily battle forever and ever. They are a more common challenge in early sobriety – which is why we want to get you through that early period as quickly as possible. If you only ever stop from Monday to Friday, or a couple of weeks here and there, you never get past this phase.
Look behind the craving
Rather than ignoring or giving in to alcohol cravings, look for the unmet need behind them. Because cravings are the body’s way of telling us that something isn’t right. Cravings are trying to convey information to you. It’s just that over the years, you’ve trained yourself to answer those calls with alcohol. Now, as a non drinker, your job is to tune back in and start working out how a) what’s really going on and b) how to meet those needs in another way.
Parenting yourself
When your kid feels sad, angry, grumpy or uncomfortable, you don’t whip out a bottle of wine to soothe them, right? You get curious instead and think about what else might be going on. Are they tired? Are they hungry or thirsty? Bored? Do they need a hug? Are they overwhelmed or over-stimulated? You troubleshoot the situation. You want to do exactly the same with yourself here. You’re parenting yourself.
Be specific
Rather than saying, “I think I just need to relax”, can you go a layer deeper and get even more specific? Maybe what you need at the end of a busy day is some time alone. Or perhaps your unmet need is for connection. Maybe you’re lonely or bored in the evenings. Perhaps you crave recognition or some kind of reward. Now’s your chance to recognise those needs and plan how to address them, rather than throwing alcohol at the situation. Alcohol is never the solution, but we often drink to cover up a gap – a need that isn’t being met.
35 responses
Connection and to quiet my mind
That’s a beautiful sentiment. Sobriety can indeed bring clarity, deeper connections, and a sense of inner peace. It’s wonderful to recognise the value of a clear mind and genuine relationships in our lives. 🙂
This made a lot of sense to.me Thank u
Thanks Kate for the insights on cravings! We won’t be able to beat them if we don’t understand them.
My need is to feel capable of being a good, active mum to a teenage boy.
Plus to shake off work stress and re energise for home..
It’s so important to find healthy ways to unwind and stay energised for your family. Alcohol might seem like a quick fix, but it often leaves us feeling worse in the long run. Embracing sobriety can truly enhance your energy levels, mood, and overall well-being, allowing you to be more present and active in your son’s life. Let me show you how to make this happen in my six week coaching programme: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you Kate. Needed this today x
For me, it’s loneliness and boredom. I have awesome (adult) children, grandchildren and grand dogs, but they are not responsible to fill in the voids. I just have to figure it all out.
Thank you!
Using alcohol to fill a void can indeed prevent you from addressing the underlying issues and discovering the potential of your life. It’s important to find healthier ways to cope and explore what truly brings you joy and fulfilment. Have a listen to some of my previous students for inspiration: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I’m bored, lonely and stuck in a vicious cycle. I drink more when stressed, living alone makes small things seem much bigger. Drank way too much this weekend, feel so ashamed
Totally with you on this – my situation too. X
That’s me too, boredom and loneliness
I’m not bored or lonely at this time, my problem is, I live alone with my dog and socialising is happy hour in the local bar and wine is on the list. Non alcoholic beer, water and soft drinks are more expensive than the glass of wine . People say,
Have a proper drink etc, life is too short and we’re all going to die anyway, so why make yourself unhappy……
For me it is all about turning my brain off, allowing myself to take a break…take a breath…and not feel the pressure to be “productive” or accomplish more.
It’s great that you recognise the need to relax after a busy day, Kim. You definitely deserve some downtime. However, alcohol can have some negative side effects and isn’t always the best way to unwind. How about treating yourself to something kind and healthy instead? Maybe a warm bath, a good book, or a relaxing walk in nature? Here’s a blog I wrote on this very topic last year: https://thesoberschool.com/numb-out-and-escape/
Me too my brain can’t switch off unless I have a drink it my reward for doing the zillion things I need to do. I’ve been told to read a book, watch a film, sit in the garden l, all things I’d do with a glass of wine!
Equally, one can enjoy these moments with a non-alcoholic drink. The true reward for accomplishing countless tasks should be rest and pleasure, not necessarily what’s in your glass as you unwind.
To escape. 4 weeks sober and i’ve come down with a cold a fortnight into my break from booze. Sleepless nights from coughing for the last 2 weeks have made it a battle for me not to drink to knock myself out. Word from the wise, searching the internet for advice against alcohol while you’re sick with a cold isn’t recommended – It returns a bunch of unhelpful hits linking to recipes for Hot Toddies!
That’s such bad timing for you Rose. :o( It sounds like Covid and this will obviously drag you down on top of your body and brain still adjusting to the lack of alcohol. I had Covid over Christmas and I stopped drinking as just couldn’t stomach it. Once I was better I was back on the wine (the daily amount stepped up) and it has taken until now to quit the habit. First week was dreadful – full of aches and pains and extreme anxiety. But my mood has lifted and I feel optimistic for my life now, even though I’m not getting enough sleep yet. Stick with it over this horrible time – no Hot Toddies for you! Day by day you will start to feel better.
Alcohol is a sedative, but it disrupts normal sleep patterns, leaving you more tired than if you hadn’t drunk at all. Give your body the best chance to recover by sticking to your break from booze, Rose. I hope you feel better soon. 🙂
Thanks for your lovely words of hope and support Sarah and Kate – This is the sensible, comforting guidance I need right now
Hi Kate , that made me think more about my cravings , mine I think is down to boredom and loneliness
Alcohol always create more of what we don’t want – fact! Boredom and loneliness are common triggers to drink, but by filling the gap with a toxic, cancer causing drug, you never get the chance to change what’s causing the boredom and loneliness. Join my community to take a proper break from drinking and connect with others who share your struggles. My online coaching programme would be a great fit for you: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
A hug. Someone to share the list of ‘to do’s’, and to tell that I slipped over on mud in the garden and hurt my hip, not to just have to keep quiet and keep going.
Thanks for that Kate, my problem is when things go wrong and boredom, this morning I joined the library, so much to do there also signed up for the beach clean every Saturday and a keep fit class on Thursday morning, hopefully I’ll get to meet new friends, im into my 3rd week alcohol free and feeling good thanks kate
That’s wonderful to hear, Joan! Embracing an alcohol-free lifestyle can open up so many new opportunities for joy and meaningful connections. Keep up the great work, and enjoy all the positive experiences ahead. ❤️
Not clear of where my working life is going! I’m menopausal that’s for sure, all I seem to get excited about is having a drink!
Hi Selena, removing alcohol will help give you that clarity to decide where your working life it going. Right now it’s keeping you stuck. I’d love to help you figure that out. My online coaching programme would be a great fit for you: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I replaced cravings with something I’ve always loved: swimming. It also kept me incentivized to stay sober for the drive to the pool.
It feels like a double win!!
AF 1660 days
Hi Nik, Exercise is a great sober tool. Huge win win. Congratulations on your 4 and half years!
Struggle everyday , I wait all day thinking about having that drink in the evening as if it’s the only thing yo look torward to , I pour a large glass and drink it fast and pour another one , The next day i hate myself , It’s a vicious cycle,
You’re not alone Jean, this is a very common side effect of regular drinking so here’s the science bit. Alcohol gives us an unnaturally high rush of dopamine in the brain each time we drink. So much so, that the brain tries to accommodate this by downregulating and producing less natural dopamine so it doesn’t get overloaded. This makes sense, but the upshot is that you start to get less enjoyment out of life in general. Because your brain isn’t producing as much dopamine, this feel-good hormone, the things that would normally make you feel good don’t really hit the spot anymore.
Let me help you break out of this vicious cycle in my online coaching programme that makes quitting drinking fun and informative: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Kate You have a soothing way of saying things which makes me think about it all in a positive and maybe in the future a successful way to give up.
Thankyou.
B.
Ive been watching your videos for a long time, inconsistently. This video spoke to me at a time of need, when i could relate to every single example you gave. I am on the cusp of joining the programme, thank you Kate xx
Hi Leah, I’m glad it struck a chord with you. Check out my free Take a Break from Booze Masterclass that I am running at the moment:https://thesoberschool.com/take-a-break-masterclass it will help you decide what to do next.