Perhaps you keep thinking about taking a break from alcohol.
Maybe you’ve been dabbling with sobriety, on and off, for a while…
You spend a lot of time worrying about your drinking and contemplating quitting. But you just don’t feel ready yet.
Somehow, it never feels like quite the right time.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is exactly how I felt too.
So I wanted to talk about this idea of ‘feeling ready’ in this week’s video.
Key points
Not feeling ready is normal
Taking a break from drinking requires you to do something new and step outside your comfort zone – so your brain will naturally hate that idea. It likes certainty and familiarity. It also wants to protect you from the pain of trying and ‘failing’ at something new.
The “I don’t feel ready yet” trap
By telling yourself that you’re not ready, you will subconsciously keep searching for evidence that proves your point. It feels comfortable to say you’re not ready, because you’re not shutting anything down or ruling anything out. Yet months can slip by like this, leaving you in a state of limbo.
The big secret…
The key to moving forward is understanding that you’re never going to feel ready. There will always be doubts and there will always be reasons to put this off. But you become ready by taking action. Flip your focus and start thinking about why you are ready to take a break from booze. Why could this be the perfect time?
Looking for help and support to make your break from booze a success? Click here to find out more about my online coaching programme.
28 responses
Hi Kate, After watching a couple of your videos. I quit alcohol. I did not really plan it, I just stopped. That was 4 months ago. I had been telling myself to get a grip for a few years but nobody was more surprised than me that I was able to just stop. I wish I had done it earlier but better late than never. I have more time for everything I’m happier and more confident.
I asked myself one question – If you had the choice between never being able to have another glass or red wine or never being able to have a cup of tea again what would you choose. (I loved red wine and was drinking about (1/2 bottle a day). I chose Tea so that was that!!
The craziest thing is that having used alcohol as a crutch for such a long time, I don’t really miss it now.
Thank You.
Congratulations Mary! I love that tea won out on your ultimatum to yourself – wholeheartedly agree 🙂
What A wonderful video about not feeling ready ,and thought approach Thank You.
There’s never a perfect time to stop Karen, so stop before you’re ready. If you’d like some support to do that, here’s some details of my online course: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I feel ready but just can’t do it, have managed for over a year but had a drink and holiday and now it’s back worse than ever.
It can be lonely doing this on your own. If you need any support to break down those barriers, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here’s the details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I appreciate your message. Your candor, and caring.
For me it was the amount of years that I had been drinking that scared me. I wasn’t ready to quit but I knew that I had to try. I count each day without it – im on 117
Hey Kate,
I completed Sober School in January of last year and am still living AF. I remember feeling this way about “a good time” to stop, and you’re so right, it literally will *never* feel like “the right time,” sustainably, anyway, because the truth is, I could have decided to stop when things were going well, stress was low, and I had no triggers within miles, but the “wrong” time would come along soon enough afterward!
To this day, when I’m especially anxious or blue/depressed, having “a little” wine (lol) crosses my mind. But the choice to stay free, repeated again and again, has made it ever-easier to spot the self-deceit, and rarely is drinking more than a passing thought. Sure, if I were to give in, for a few minutes, my heart may stop racing. Or I may simply enjoy something I know I love… the fantastic array of flavors and scents and the mouthfeel of good wine. And then what? What else did alcohol really ever give me?
Oh yes, an ankle in a trap, shame over my inability to moderate, lower energy, poor sleep, farrr less creativity, wasted mental and emotional bandwidth, $500/mo less in the bank account… the list goes to on.
Within a few weeks of quitting, I felt such an injection of self-confidence from quitting wine that I got the nerve to ask for a job (that wasn’t advertised) at a company I’d wanted to work for for ages — and got it. I took up acrylic painting and now belong to a big, supportive online community of acrylic painters. And I’m wholly present with my family (and *myself*!) vs. lightly buzzed all afternoon and evening every day of the week for years. It’s as a if I have hours more time in my day!
I know the responses you’re expecting are from people currently dealing with the fear of letting go of that “friend” that seems to have their back. (Wow, was it great to be in your program so that I could see I wasn’t a random weirdo for feeling that way.) But your video got me thinking, so thought I’d pop in. Hoping someone I love will begin this journey one day, too. I’ll be standing by to gift her with your course if ever she wants help and a supportive community on the way, and this route appeals to her. For me, it’s paid for itself a thousand times over. Thanks so much, Kate… love that you’re still doing this!
All the best to you,
Cindy
Thank you for your kind words Cindy and I’m so pleased to hear how well alcohol free living is suiting you. Many congratulations and keep living life to the full every day! ❤️
I’m 64 and hope to retire in January, 2023. My drinking has really spiraled during the pandemic, and especially since the first of the year. Lots of changes at work. Wine is my escape, but want to get back to the person I used to be. Definitely do not want to spend my retirement in a drunken haze, but so hard to just say “no”. Part of me feels like it’s my life and I can do what I want. The other part, is not happy with the course I’m taking.
What better time to give yourself a lifestyle upgrade in your retirement? Have a listen to some of my students’ experiences, I think they will inspire you: https://thesoberschool.com/reviews/
I am 56 and have drunk most of my adult life, it has never affected my life or work life, I’ve never put myself in any danger.. but I’ve hit menopause and really dont feel very healthly anymore. It depresses me to think I’d never have a drink again, I love wine with nice food etc, but I really want to have a break from it, stop the wine o’clock habit, get a buzz from only one glass instead of needing more and more and I am desperate to lose weight 🙁
The fear of missing out can be a barrier, but how about taking a break from booze instead? After all, alcohol has had many chances so maybe experiment a little. My online coaching programme would be a great fit for you and the next class starts very soon. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Reasons to stop now: want to lose weight and get blood sugar down, have a few things to work out over the summer – planning to get work so need a clear head, enjoy exercise and outdoors but hangovers getting in the way
Great reasons there Fiona, you sound ready to make a change. I can promise you that sobriety delivers everything that alcohol promised…and more!
Thanks……I listen to the pep talk almost every night. “I’ve decided not to drink Tonight”
Great video! I have been thinking about quitting for years now, and recently did ‘Dry January’. I’m now ready to do ‘Dry June/July’, and hopefully make this ‘Dry’ thing more of a habit!
If you need a little extra motivation, have a listen to my pep talk here: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
Do you live in my house. It’s as though you are in my head looking out.
I am just on the edge of wanting to jump to the other side and your emails & the comments from others are pulling me in the right direction.
I have also followed you for a long while, in fact I thought it was me you were talking about in your video, so I’m not the only one who has been scared to leave the terrible life changing drug alone.
Thank you Kate, for the perseverance and encouragement you give us.
You are not alone Angie and alcohol is the only drug on the planet that we have to justify NOT taking – how weird is that? If you’re looking for support to take a break from booze, here are the details of my online course that will guide you, step by step to creating an alcohol free life you’ll love: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you Kate for another great video to think about! After a few weeks of watching your videos, I had been trying unsuccessfully to get past day 1 AF. Here’s what has happened, that I just realized in the last few days.
I began drinking (decades ago) to make people like me. I was young and I understand that. Now I am 62 years old and that idea is laughable except that to an extent, I still have been doing it even recently!
The other thing that I have been realizing is how sick I feel all the time without even acknowledging it. I am tired of being sick. I am tired of making everything more difficult that it needs to be!
I am now beginning day three. The last two evenings, the same usual triggers were there, but I was able to tell myself that it’s not worth spending another day feeling sick. Yesterday, I even anticipated the trigger so when it happened, it was not too difficult to just make myself think about something else. That is a huge leap! I really believe I am ready!
After only 2 full days AF, I feel 80% better than I can remember feeling! I am already feeling less bloated, more energetic and more confident that I can decide what I do instead of just reacting. I also find myself loving the term “alcohol free”! I have never felt that way before.
Thanks again Kate, and to all of you beautiful ladies who comment on these videos! Your support has helped me find my strength. Feeling good is awesome! Looking forward to July 4!
I love that “feeling good is awesome” – you are so right! We look forward to supporting you on your alcohol free journey and beyond…
Great message Kate, it is so true, Iv done the “ I am not ready to stop drinking for years”, so I will think now about why I am ready and hoping with your course in July and the support of the ladies(which is really important for me). I will be alcohol free and start on a different path. Thank you
I look forward to guiding and supporting you on the path to freedom from the alcohol trap 🙂
Thanks Kate, this means a lot to me and my partner.
I’m ready to upgrade my lifestyle, my drinking is affecting my family. My husband is proud of my decision, I’m on day one of the start of my new life style.
I do sometimes use this excuse of “I’m not ready yet.” It DOES seem innocent enough since it shows I’m not beating myself up, but that innocence is actually the thing that also precludes me from really taking care of myself. I won’t ever be ready yet. I know that. Humans don’t like change. I just have to say, “There will never be a perfect time to feel ready for this change. But I can do the hard thing right at this moment.” Feels powerful to actually say that out loud.