This week’s blog is about a sensitive subject: hiding your drinking.
It often starts as something so small you hardly think about it.
You pour some extra wine into your glass and gulp it down before anyone sees. Or you have a few glasses on your own first, to make sure you get “enough”.
When your other half comes home, it’s easier to pretend you haven’t opened a bottle yet.
Let’s talk about the things that just become “normal”… when they’re actually anything but.
Key points:
Hiding your drinking
This stuff can be subtle at first, because there’s no law against you drinking on your own, or having a few glasses before everyone else arrives. You’re perfectly entitled to do that, of course. Yet when you find yourself opening a new bottle as if it’s your first, hiding the empties or topping up your drink and hoping no one else notices… this is stuff to pay attention to.
Things you “just have to do”
You should be able to enjoy a concert, meal, event or a few days away without drinking. When you feel horrified by the thought of that, and go to extreme lengths to ensure alcohol is available, it’s something to take note of.
Why this matters
Hiding your drinking, or lying about it, shows a disconnect between your behaviour and your values. It’s a red flag. I’m highlighting it here because over time, hiding your drinking can become something you do on autopilot and it doesn’t even register with you.
Wondering if you have a problem?
If you’re trying to figure out whether you need to stop drinking, my online quiz will help you find clarity and plan your next steps. Right now all you need to establish is whether it’s time to take a break from booze. I recommend you take a six-week break from drinking so you can test drive sobriety properly and put some space between you and your last drink.
32 responses
I love what you said about the fact that we hide our bottles is because our behaviour is out of alignment with our values. That’s so true and really hit home with me ❤️
I agree
That’s a NO for me, I don’t drink wine, never have, and I stopped drinking all together. It will be 3 mos on the 19th, thanks to God✝️❤️
“I’d rather stay sober than drink to get sober”
Congratulations Bonnie, three months alcohol-free is an awesome achievement! 🙂
I can relate for sure. When I became single & living alone, who cares what I do?! Right! Well I woke up & realized I was only fooling myself.
Precisely Maureen, you know how much you drink and how it makes you feel. Only you can change your relationship with alcohol so please let me help you make it a fun and easy experience; https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I felt as if you were speaking directly to me. How have I got into this cycle of swigging down mugs of wine or even neat spirits? TBH I think it’s near on 15 years and I keep telling myself next month, week or tomorrow, I’ll stop. I have done dry January this year and it was liberating, but I so soon slipped again.
It’s easy to forget the addictive nature of alcohol that draws you back time after time, which is why my different approach to quitting works. Please know that most of my clients will come to work with me after having many unsuccessful attempts elsewhere, so your experience is not unusual and you’re not alone. Register your interest for the September class of my Getting Unstuck coaching programme and I’ll show you how to make the process fun and easy: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
My goodness I can relate to that. I often would fill my wine glass to the top and gulp it to a more acceptable level in my wine glass. I hated someone else pouring my wine as I was always sure there wasn’t enough. 4 years sober on the 16th August ❤️
Wow, four years free from alcohol! Heartfelt congratulations Joy — continue to relish this lifestyle upgrade 🙂
I can completely relate to everything you said Kate. I thought I was alone in hiding a beer in the cabinet while I was cooking or cleaning. I always hide one in my purse when I have to go somewhere. It’s embarrassing. I think I just try to hide how much I drink because I try to consider myself a functioning alcoholic but it’s not working anymore.
You’re not alone Holly, but there is a better way to function in life that aligns with your values. Let me show you how some of my successful students have made the switch from ‘functioning alcoholic’ to sober superstars! https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I am totally stuck between a few days off, telling myself I like the taste of Alcohol free wine. To the next time I go out I can’t remember going to bed. I feel disappointed within myself. The hiding of bottles I can also relate to.
Thanks for the hope Kate ♥️
Hi MJ, My Getting Unstuck programme would be a great fit for you. It will help you take a six week break from alcohol so you can truly experience alcohol-free living. Check out the experiences of some of my previous students here: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I already feel.uplifted and want to do this. I’ve attempted to stop by trying different courses and methods but failed. I feel I need to want to.stop, really WANT to stop. Everything you said in your video was as if you were talking about me. It’s my guilty secret. I’m 64 years of age and I need to.make changes. There are no benefits to drinking alcohol so why do I do it? It’s a habit. I dislike myself so much right now. Thank you Kate.
I look forward to helping you build on this positivity Jani. Alcohol offers a happy hour, sobriety offers a happy life. ❤️
Oh so true! I can relate to everything you say here. I’ve even driven to a supermarket to put empties in the bin and tried to do it as quietly as possible. Not done for a while now as 30 days sober!
Done that too! But well done on 30 days Diana, keep going!! 🙂
What’s always so AMAZING to me is to hear that alcohol’s hold on our brains, and brain patterns, is almost 100% the SAME for each of us. So glad to be rid of all of that and having clear mental energy of a kid again.
You’re so right. It still astounds me that even though each of us is an individual with distinct fingerprints that can’t be matched, we all go through the same mental gymnastics when alcohol is in our bodies…
I have been watching your videos and these women are amazing. So much pride for the courage you all have. I mustered courage for 6 weeks then fell…no, I made a choice, to slip back. I just told myself I’m a loser and terrible Mum but I just realised, watching your success stories, that I’m lost, not a loser. Thank you for what you do.
Hi JK, It can be lonely trying to do this on your own. You are definitely not a loser. The fact that you are here and still trying shows strength and determination. If you need any more support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi. Goodness, so true. I’ve been hiding numerous bottles and depositing them in bins on the way to the local supermarket/corner shop. I’m a binge drinker with spirits and I make myself so unwell. The binge can last for several days and the after effects are absolutely awful, also for several days. I so want to stop this destruction
Hi SB, I can help you do just that. My online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. I can see my team are emailing with you and look forward to welcoming you onto the next course. Rest assured you are in the right place.
Hi I’ve now admitted I do have a problem
I have been hiding my drinking for years….hiding it in juice bottles I’ve been good for a few weeks but yet again when I’ve stopped for 3 days I start bodily twitching also I haven’t slept for 3days,which is infuriating …….I’ve even before called doctors they gave me 1wk of sleeping pills but they never worked….I then do the absolutely stupid thing I have a drink…and I got caught…I feel bad but my none sleeping is better than drinking. so I’m back off it,..I am going to have to accept how I’m reacting when I’m off drink…health issues and financial …. im getting more paranoid about my look…how ugly . I feel ..I could right a book…im definitely this time off ….
Recognising that you need to change your relationship with alcohol is a tremendous step forward Julie, so be proud of yourself for that. Alcohol is a known ‘wrecking ball’ where sleep is concerned and normal patterns can take some time to settle after years of disruption. My online coaching programme Getting Unstuck will help you navigate all the other emotions that bubble up once you stop using a numbing agent, so let me guide you through the process in a way that feels manageable and easy. My next class starts in September and you can put your name on the interest list here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Your videos and emails are SO accurate that it’s SCARY! I found them because I’d realised that I had an ‘issue’ and Googled it. At first I thought “oh this must be some sort of scam” bit it’s not! YOU get it! Importantly for me, you get that alcohol issues can be different for women and not necessarily show in the same way for men. I can’t believe that I’ve even written this because I NEVER write reviews for thing (even good restaurants!) but your words cut through to my soul and I can’t ignore that. Thank you
I’m delighted to know this struck a chord with you. 🙂 On my website, you can find many inspiring stories from women about their journey to alcohol freedom: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
My drinking has crept up on me slowly during my 30’s as an encouraged by older work friend Whine&Wine Wednesday to a Thirsty Thursday, to a Frisky Friday to a Sozzled Saturday. Mortal Monday. Tipsy Tuesday. It got me over the stresses and anxieties I had running a business with my ex at the time along with losing my dog and rescuing another with issues that sent me right back to the bottle to cope with. I don’t have children. I’m in my mid-40’s. I’m now finding myself living back home with my lovely mother/Victor Mildrew father but unable to afford to move out due to circumstances. I feel trapped. I pick up cans of wine or cocktails every night on the way home from work. I swear it will be only a couple but by the way I get home I’m ready to ransack my dad’s reserve of wine or whiskey. I drink fully conscious at the time..I wake up in the morning with like little recollection and a really bad headache swearing I can’t do this again… I have responsibilities. By 4pm I’m back down town on the cans of wine) cocktails again hiding them in a napkin…I’m swelling up from the alcohol. It’s a vicious cycle. Being alone in your own head is hard so dulling the noise with alcohol helping you to sleep has been the only way through.
I hear your frustration with the routine your life has become. There is another way of doing things; we only get one life so don’t let something like alcohol hold you back. Join my upcoming class in September to make taking a break from drinking simple, straightforward and fun! https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I took your course last year, loved it, then a few months later my husband said surely you can have one. Back where I started and feeling like a failure.
You are not a failure Debora; you’ve had a perfectly normal response to drinking an addictive substance. Alcohol is the drink of more and always draws you back in eventually, but it’s not a personal weakness. I wrote a blog on the danger of having ‘just one drink’ because of what it can lead to: https://thesoberschool.com/the-real-problem-with-just-one-drink/