This week’s blog is about a sensitive subject: hiding your drinking.
It often starts as something so small you hardly think about it.
You pour some extra wine into your glass and gulp it down before anyone sees.
Perhaps you have a few glasses on your own first, because you want to make sure you get ‘enough’.
But when your other half comes home, it’s easier to pretend you haven’t opened a bottle yet.
Today’s video is about the things that just become ‘normal’… when they’re actually anything but:
Hiding your drinking
This stuff can be subtle at first, because obviously there’s no law against you drinking alone, or having a few glasses before everyone else arrives. You’re perfectly entitled to do that, of course.
Yet when you find yourself opening a new bottle as if it’s your first, hiding the empties or topping up your drink and hoping no one else notices… that’s stuff to pay attention to.
Things you ‘just have to do’
You should be able to enjoy a concert, meal, event or a few days away without drinking. When you feel horrified at the thought – and go to extreme lengths to ensure alcohol is available – that’s something to take note of.
Why this matters
Hiding your drinking, or lying about it, shows a disconnect between your behaviour and your values. It’s a red flag. I’m highlighting it here because over time, hiding your drinking can become something you don’t even register.
What to do next
I recommend taking a complete break from drinking for at least 6 weeks – but ideally longer. That way you get to test drive sobriety and see what it’s all about. You can always go back to drinking at the end of your break (but you might not want to!)
A break is better than stopping from Monday to Thursday each week (I explain why here) or trying to cut down (more on that here). Moderation rarely works out in the long term – it sets you up for failure.
For help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online course.
Yes I have been hiding my drinking. How do you deal with the urges to drink to try to stop for 6 weeks like you said in the video ?
Hi Jess, downloading my wine o’clock guide would be a great start. But if you want to make a long term change and really dig deep on what’s causing those urges, that takes a little more work. I’d be happy to guide you through it – the best way for us to work together is via my online course. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Sounds like you’ve been looking in my window!
Been hiding my drinking for years. Starting over again today
Totally relate to all of this. Tired of hiding, sneaking, forgetting the joyful moments of dinner parties and other social events. Totally wrestling with not drinking but I believe alcohol does nothing but numb me. I don’t drink moderately. Thank you for your work. On day 3. Evenings are hardest.
Keep going Kim! 🙂
I am so grateful that your survival guide popped up on my Facebook page. I downloaded it and read it over everyday. I thought you had written this just for me. I am 10 days alcohol free and feeling wonderful. Thank you for your common sense approach to a better life
This is so true. It’s sneaky and I hate that quality in others, yet here I am guzzling a can of wine before my husband arrives home. The cravings often overcome my self respect. When I drink like this, I feel a sense of urgency, as though I am in survival mode. Certainly a split from my normal set of values with other relationships and activities. Will try sober again today. Thank you for this program Kate
That’s an interesting way to describe it – “survival mode”. It would be good to journal on that and work out what it is you’re trying to survive. It’s tough to quit drinking alone Sophia – if you need any support to make this change happen, my next online course starts in October. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
This message came to me in the nick of time…I have been hiding my drinking after being a.f. for 67 days…this brought me back into the light…to pay attention and to get back on track. Thank you so much!
You can do it Jennifer. Keep going 🙂
I’m really struggling to stop, I did it for 2 weeks and fell back into it after a family bereavement. I hide it all the time
Hi Sal, if you’re looking for support to stop, I recommend you take a look at my online course. The next class starts in October: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
It’s so much easier when you’re not doing this alone!
Congratulations on your 10 days Nancy! Keep going 🙂
I call this ‘secret swigging‘ – anyone else here do this to numb anxiety? For example: Going into the kitchen, rather than responding and fuelling an argument at home, then having a sneaky swig of wine.
Know how you feel, it numbs the pain of life.
These comments are all so familiar to me, as I say them myself. I can feel little issues of happiness (want to have a drink and celebrate that feeling) or I feel the pangs of sadness or frustration with family members and I get sad and angry and (I think a glass or two of wine will make me feel better). It’s a never ending event. I’m 70 and want to stop, I’m not out of control but I want to stop. Husband and I retired, children gone. Any ideas how to control thoughts without drinking? Planning on Kate’s online pgm in October.
Yes. Sometimes I will also put it in a coffee cup especially if it’s to get rid of a hangover. I don’t want anyone to know there is wine in there or that I need a drink to feel better.
Yes I do often hide my drinking. I always have at least one before I am picked up for the evening out.
I really want to stop drinking or at least cut down to a normal amount but it scares the hell out of me to even start to do it. Fear of failure for myself is a big thing, I would not tell my friends I was stopping or cutting down becayse failure then would seem twice as bad !! I am trying to pluck up the courage to just go ahead and do it.
I’ve got a good blog about the fear of failure here Linda: https://thesoberschool.com/fear-of-failure-try-to-quit-but-cant/
I definitely hide my drinking, had a secret bottle in my bathroom at my daughters ….Her father in law has severe alcohol related health issues and she and her husband are over it, so I can’t share my struggle. I have stopped several times, been to counseling, IOP….but of course I knew better and decided to moderate it ! …..wrong, drinking even more! I’m very lonely and it’s become a habit…I can’t wIt to get home and start drinking ……if I go out I drink before I go, if I stay in I’ll drink all evening by myself! Not good ….I really need to quit
Hi Amanda, it certainly is difficult when you’re trying to do this alone. And if moderation worked… you wouldn’t be here. If you’re looking for help and support, my 6 week course would be a great fit for you. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I have been hiding my drinking for years- I even hide it from myself maybe- I am done. I want my life back. On day 3 and struggling. Would the online school be helpful for a first time “quitter”?
I hide my drink!!!
I’m scared drinks gives me the confidence to dance chat and have fun!
My friends the i’m Funny when drunk
I have always drunk heavily
Not spirts but plenty of wine
I had a brain hemorrhage about 6 weeks ago and nearly died
I didn’t realise just how much I’d been drinking especially over the lockdown
I was isolating with my mum and would hide how much I drank
Having to bottles on the go
One for me and one for me and her
I was rushed to hospital with a brain hemorrhage and started to have fit s whilst in intensive care due to alcohol withdrawal
That was two months ago
I haven’t touched a drop since
I ve been told it was a big
Factor in what has happened
I miss it but I can’t go back
Good luck to everyone with this fight on there hands
Keep on trying
We will get there
Wow, what a close call. I’m glad you’re doing ok now Julie.
Thank you…..I keep receiving signs I need to stop drinking and this email from you is just another one.
Day 1 alcohol free achieved…..day 2 to come.
Your ideas are great.
Well done DB. If you need any more help and support in future, definitely check out my online course here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Wishing you all the best with your alcohol free journey!
I have hidden my drinking. Once when I visited my daughter and her family I noticed there were open bottles of wine in the refrigerator. This daughter rarely drinks and has talked to me in the past about my drinking. She was in the shower, the kids were in bed and her husband was out of town for work. I took a small drink of wine out of one of the bottles while I was alone in the kitchen. I felt bad for doing it but then it has ended up being an ugly memory for me. Of course I didn’t drink much because she would have known.
There’s also been times when my husband was gone to run errands and I drank a glass of wine earlier in the day than I normally do. In my mind I justify it because for some reason or another “he’s just driving me crazy “. When I think about these incidents now I know that they are not normal behavior. There’s no justification for this behavior even though I always seem to excuse myself for some external reason. Thank you Kate for pointing out this type of behavior so I can see it for what it is.
No problem Jo – I know how easy it is to dismiss or rationalise this kind of stuff to the point where you don’t even think about it. Awareness is the first step towards changing 🙂
I’ve been having a break from alcohol for the past 18 weeks! I feel sooo much better for it, physically and mentally! I was binging a lot and drinking alone.(drinking my emotions) When in company , I’d have about one. Title of champagne before guests arrived and then open a bottle as if it were the first .Id be the great host who always topped everyones glasses up and sneak a bit when in the kitchen.Is hide empty bottles in the laundry and most times if I started one before they came ;I’d keep the opened one in the laundry cupboard and go in for top ups during the night! Once my partner came to visit and I hid my bottle and glass in the bathroom cupboard whilst getting ready and he saw it there and asked me what is this? I’d always sneak more when it was time to be intimate with him .I loved being intimate and felt that feeling “ euphoric” added some element to it.Geepers! Sometimes I couldn’t remember what we had done the next day!i felt safe and we had our boundaries and liked the same things .How sad to have no memory of some of our times together!Id also find empty champagne bottles in the washing machine, laundry cupboard, under the sink,kitchen cupboard etc,..I realise now that I was disconnecting from myself and my partner and had become numb. Looking back, I was escaping and numbing some underlying sadness.Sadness and frustration with his lack of availability for me and I see that I was making
Myself emotionally unavailable too! I can see more clearly now
And am more calm and confident.Waking up without dread and regret and a hangover is fabulous! I can deal with anything and even grief right now during these months of abstinence and am so glad that I haven’t turned to drinking to numb all.I love feeling alive and present .
What a difference in your life now compared to before! Well done on your 18 weeks Jade. I bet it feels good to be fully present and living in the moment 🙂
I hide vodka (mostly) and take shots. Many. I start off as fun and bouncy then it’s anyone’s guess-mostly mine. I have a 9 yo. My kid needs mommy sober. I drink because I’m unhappy with my husband. I hate the feelings that trigger me to drink and the way I feel the next day. I’ve actually asked my husband to separate while buzzed but that is good. I think I can get control of my life and let go of alcohol with this change. Thank you
I do. I hide booze in the garage. My mom hid booze too so this behavior is somewhat learned from her. I have the desire to at least reduce my drinking overall but mostly confront the secrecy/hiding.
I’d definitely recommend taking a complete break for 6 weeks – ideally 12 if you can. You can always go back to drinking afterwards, but first you need a complete break to put some distance between you and the drug for a while. I you need any help with that, my next course starts in October: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I remember the hiding days well. The pretending it’s the first bottle when your partner gets home. I’d forgotten about that stress. Alcohol free since April 2019. So grateful for your posts!
Congratulations on your sobriety Candace! It feels good not to be hiding anything now, right? 🙂
I have hidden empty bottles of wine in my wardrobe, back in the wine fridge where no one will see it but me, and my partner found an empty bottle in the cupboard under the stairs once (I couldn’t even remember how it got there). Day 1 again for me today, I’ve had more day 1s than I care to remember and I fear failure so much. But I guess I can’t succeed without trying again.
Hi MM, well done for trying again. I have blog post about fear of failure here: https://thesoberschool.com/fear-of-failure-try-to-quit-but-cant/
I used to buy boxed wine, take the wine bladder out of the box, hide the box in the recycle bin and the wine bladder in my closet. That way I could sneak drinks whenever I had the chance and the wine bladder was so much easier to throw away because no tinkling of bottles in the trash. Next month I’ll have 2 years sober. I’m honest now.
Wow – you have reminded me what lengths we go to sometimes. It’s such hard work. Congratulations on your 2 years Beth!
I do this !!! Scary to read it from someone else. Not sure how I’ll stop but I’m worried about my health and the consequences.
Yes, I live alone so don’t need to hide my wine but I know I drink too much and that it is harming my health but feel at a loss as to how to stop. I even try to convince myself that I’m only going to the local store to buy essentials but know it is the wine that drives me there. I need help and am seriously considering your course in October Kate. I need to stop kidding myself that I can do this alone. Your weekly posts are so intuitive and helpful.
It can be hard to stick at this journey when you’re doing it alone. I hope to see you on the course in October Valerie – we always have a great community inside each group. For now, keep thinking and journalling about this – it sounds to me as if you’re building up to making quite a significant change in your life!
Today marks 11 wks AF for me. I had completely forgotten about the having to hide my wine. I am free of that now, and such a relief! Planning when and where to drink, having enough on hand, and disposing of the empty boxes caused so much stress in my life that I no longer have. I have to say that last week was very stressful for me–not quite sure why–but I kept thinking that I would really enjoy a glass. Rather than pouring that glass, I had a bowl of ice cream for 3 nights last week. I’m trying to eat well, and I’m losing weight, so the ice cream didn’t help that aspect. But, I’m glad that it was ice cream and NOT chardonnay! I always feel encouraged and validated reading the blogs. Blessings to us who struggle.
Well done on your 11 weeks Kay! A bit of ice cream is a great choice – so much better than wine, any day. Keep going!
Hi. I too hide my wine bottles. I start drinking when I am cooking and hide the bottle in back of my counter TV. My husband does not see me refill cups and the next thing I know, I have downed 1 bottle. I also try to buy wine that has a screw top. I am frustrated with this behavior as it is holding me back from advancing my fitness and drop the 10 lbs. I have been striving for. Each day I ruin my hard work in the gym just by drinking.
Hi Elizabeth – it sounds like you’re ready to take a break from drinking. Go for it.. you won’t regret it. If you need any help to stick to your goals, my online course will walk you through 6 weeks of sobriety, step by step. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I follow a personal philosophy that if you feel like you need to hide something, you shouldn’t be doing it. When I realize that I’m hiding something, there are two possible courses of action. 1, work on self acceptance around the thing or 2, stop doing the thing.
The fact that I kept my wine in the back of the bedroom closet and not in the kitchen like a normal person was one of the biggest flags for me that I needed to rethink it. Since I live alone and don’t have guests often, I was hiding it from myself. Now I have no alcohol in my apartment, and I feel so much better without an embarrassing stash of bottles hidden away.
*For an example where self acceptance is the appropriate response, I hide my spirituality from all my colleagues and most of my friends because it’s such a prevalent belief that new age woowoo makes you an idiot. It doesn’t make any logical sense for me to believe that my astrology and tarot cards are a source of shame when the average American believes that resurrection is real and there’s a magical man in the sky who grants wishes.
Love what you put here about hiding it from yourself – often I think that’s what we’re really doing, deep down.
Kate I’ve been AF since your course last year! It is such a relief not to be hiding my wine anymore or wondering what I’ve left where. Alcohol free living really has given me freedom, in more ways than one!
Congratulations Linda – I’m so pleased to hear this! Well done 🙂
Thought it was just me smuggling the empties out the house. Two bottles on the go,one for show and one in he cupboard. The deceit of this behaviour ate me up sooo much that I knew the time had come to stop. I’ve been planning sobriety for a couple of years, testing the waters, educating myself while rangling with my demons on my own. Only my partner knows my decision and is not fully aware of the personal journey I’ve been on, he’d be shocked if he knew the extent of hiding ‘hooch’ and how many times I’ve stealthy replaced his ‘hooch’ I’ve nabbed.
Day 12 today.
Congratulations on your 12 days JK! 🙂
This was definitely me!!!! I would always have a few drinks while cooking or get some in before we had guests arrive. The worst was when my husband was on night shift – I would buy a couple of bottles of wine on my way home from work, drink one and hide the empty bottle in a bag at the bottom of our outside garbage bin then drink a couple of glasses out of the second bottle and told him I only had a couple. Not that he would ever really notice how much I had, it became a huge red flag for me and one day he actually asked me if I was worried about how much I was drinking weekly. A few other issues happened due to my drinking and two days before my 55th birthday this year I decided enough was enough – I signed up for Kates course and have recently graduated – I am now just over 8 weeks alcohol free and feel amazing! I thought it would be a huge struggle taking a break but with the support from you Kate and the course content I got through it easier than I thought possible. I have now set my next goal for 100 days and can’t see myself ever going back!
I’m so pleased for you Julie – huge congratulations on your 8 weeks! Bring on 100 days! 🙂
I last drank last Sunday 6 days ago I have absolutely no recollection none whatsoever normally bits come back, I m so genuinely scared to even get dressed and go out in case I want to buy more. I m not craving but the fright that my parents could tell me I went over to their house with a knife and threatened all sorts. I do not remember 1 single bit of this. I think it has to be a first total black out. I hate what its doing to me…Michelle
I am approaching 9 months AF, and looking back at times I was hoping no one noticed my refills or top-offs, I realize I likely wasn’t fooling anyone. My husband rarely drinks and when he does it’s usually one, but I notice. He’s not hiding it, but I can detect it hours afterwards. It’s a lot of anxiety and work to try to fool others, but I would guess we seldom do. I keep reminding myself it is easier for me to say “no” than to say “no more”. Once I started it just ran away with me. Feeling much better now.
Congratulations on your 9 months Catherine!
I have been a drinker for 50 years now. I feel blessed that I have survived all those years. Now I want to feel blessed to have a life of sobriety.
I have done everything in the book to hide my drinking and at my age I feel totally ashamed of my behaviour!!
I’ve watched and listened to your video with hope that this is my time to make the change!!
Sounds like a good time to turn over a new leaf and choose a different path for yourself. If you need any help with that Edith, my 6 week course will guide you through it: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I’m drinking once a week. Often sneeking drinking a bit alone first. I often get too drunk and fall asleep. I feel a urge to drink sometimes. Do I have a problem. I mean am I an alcoholic?
Hi Diddej – here’s a better question to ask: https://thesoberschool.com/good-enough/
This is the first time I have posted although I have really found all your messages and videos to date very inspirational and encouraging. Yes, I have been guilty of hiding my drinking although I live alone. I had a friend visit some weeks back who brought in a bottle of wine to celebrate my belated birthday and although he was driving and had only one small glass, I ended up succumbing to “just the one glass” or so I thought… with dinner but during the cooking of our meal knowing that he wouldn’t want any more, I secretly polished off the whole bottle in the kitchen. I was very disappointed in myself, to say the least as I had been 2 weeks AF at this point for the first time but stupidly this one glass made me crave more and I was back to where I started next day. I am again on day one AF today and this time I have promised myself and must get to the 6 weeks AF and hopefully beyond. I am determined not to live my life like this any longer. Thank you and keep sending your inspirational videos as this really helps me along. Fingers crossed this time.x
Hi Debby, I’m pleased to hear you’re back on track. I know how hard it can be to do this alone. If you’re looking for help and support, the best thing would be to join my online course. We have a wonderful community there and it’s the best way for me to be able to coach you directly. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Kate your blogs are so on target. I do hide my drinking from my husband and grandkids. But they always seem to know. It’s what happens when I cook dinner. And last week you talked about being super health conscious during the day, cooking from scratch and such but end up having too much by the time you are done. I am trying to moderate, with some success but then a day comes that I lose it.
Hi Marie – moderation rarely works out in the long term and it’s really not very fun. Alcohol free living is so much easier and more enjoyable. I’d strongly recommend you read this: https://thesoberschool.com/trying-to-moderate-10-things-youll-need-to-be-ok-with-first/
I’ve known for a while now that I’ve been drinking too much, if I’m honest I’ve been drinking too much for the past 20 years. A few weeks ago I finally realised that I am one of those people who can never just have a few drinks…a few bottles maybe, I’m fed up of how alcohol has been making me feel.I’ve tried half heartedly to give up/moderate over the years, but something has finally changed and maybe at 44 years old I’ve finally grown up, I’m ashamed to say that my 5 year old daughter pretended that her apple juice was wine “I want to be like mummy” – the most sobering comment I’ve ever heard and I finally listened- I’m only on my second week of sobriety but something in my head has changed, I don’t want to drink anymore, I’m inspired by My children, my husband who’s put up with me and by all the blogs I read…I’m actually excited about the freedom I feel already….thank you xx
This totally resonates with me. I hide it all the time. I’m starting with an attempt of September free but planned lots this week to get my fix it’s ridiculous. Really need the October course I feel stuck in a trap.
I am SO guilty of this!
I Actually feel somewhat ‘relieved’ it is a normal thing and many others do this !
For years, the hidden empty bottles of Wine, vodka or gin deep in my clothes drawers or at the back of my children’s wardrobe. The shame of it now makes me feel such disgust. My partner found them on couple of occasions, the embarrassment still didn’t stop me.. I just vowed I would be smarter ! How foolish that seems now!
I can also relate to the ‘survival mode’… the adrenaline to get the alcohol gulped down before anyone noticed. Sneaky sessions whenever , wherever.
I am currently on my 10th day AF! I am strong.
I don’t miss the alcohol! This is huge!
I definitely don’t miss the battle in my head, the extra work needed to fuel the demon inside.
I feel less guilt around my children which is SO important for me.
I can make them proud, be a role model I am proud of… not an emotional, erratic and stressed mummy.
The future seems brighter and I feel I can have the energy for it.
I still have the fear that I have selfishly caused myself irreparable damage to my health after 2 decades of heavy drinking.
I will continue to drink my camomile tea/lemon and ginger tea, gulp down my water and eat healthier, whilst waiting for the next course to start in Oct.
Though, some evenings my cravings have been and will be suppressed by ice cream, choc or biscuits, we do what we need to do.
I WANT to be able to remember each day and not have my life in a confusing haze!
My 20’s are a blur and half of my 30’s. life passes so quickly anyway I don’t want to waste any more !
I’ve got this. I deserve this!
Well done on your 10 days Nikki – keep going! 🙂
Yes, your video hit the nail on the head, or more appropritately the cork on the bottle. Im half way through reading the sober diaries and just came online to see what else is out there. I am so happy to have found your website. Your videos are inspirational and you are so nice. I’m 7 days into stopping drinking. Yes ive hidden bottles of wine, yes i go through weeks of having some type of drink every day and yes i wake up at 3.00 in the morning with a self loathng feeling and asking myself why cant i get through a day without drinking. I gave up smoking 17 years ago and know that if I ever just have one cigarette I’ll start smoking again. I’m feeling very postive about stopping drinking. I did do dry january and felt so proud of myself. I can remember my first drink in february a very cold glass of champagne AND the first sip was not how I imagined but of course I drank the whole glass, now here i am 6 months later and have swam through alot of booze to get here. I’m glad i found your website – thank you. ps. this is my first time ever writing on a blog – a bit long I know
Congratulations on your 7 days Tracy. Keep going!
I have been drinking on/off from when I was 15 years old, however my issue isn’t that I can’t stop I get depressed have a bad day and drink until I can’t stand. Only 2 weeks ago I didn’t drink for 7 weeks but then went away with a family member and drank every day having blackouts and putting myself in danger! I want to be a social drinker but no my limits and not drink just to get drunk. As I don’t drink every day my last drink was Saturday… and I won’t be having another until the course starts, I also won’t find this hard to do. However my question is will the course work for me….? I’m worried it won’t or isn’t the right course?
Thanks for reading
I took the course in July this year. I felt the same way as well, wondering if it would work for me or if I was just wasting my money. Well I have to say I highly recommend it! There was so much information and concepts that I never even thought of. The community of women and the support were huge there as well. Hearing so many stories that were similar to mine just blew my mind away. There are so many people in the same situation in regarding alcohol abuse, it helped me tremendously. I hope you get to see my reply…I say you WILL not regret joining!
Thankfully I didn’t resort to hiding my drinking as I thought that I didn’t have a problem. But after reading some stories I noticed that I really have a drinking problem. I didn’t realize this because I was surrounded by people with even bigger problems that I had. When I found out that my friend is hiding his drinking habits I almost forcefully decided that both of us try to get sober. For me, it is working well right now (36 days sober!) but my friend just can’t do it and I don’t know how to help her…
I am on day 14 living alcohol free. I used to hide the bottles as well. I would hide them from my husband so there was more for me. I would by 2 bottles, drink one before he came home from work, then open the second, pour it into a glass right when he was walking in, so he would think I just started. I used to keep them in a boot in my closet. I am doing a 30 day challenge (thealcoholexperment.com)and it is really helpful and I love your videos too. They are so motivational. It is amazing to read so many of us have so much in common regarding the monster that is alcohol.
Dear Kate, this might sound strange, but for me, hiding my drinking is empowering. Having that secret stash of wine represents freedom in a life that often seems constrained by financial, professional, and social obligations. I don’t think it’s an accident that I keep my “stash” of wine bottles in an overnight bag — that bag represents travel, escape, and independence. I feel that my personal life is full of secrets; the hidden drinking gives me secrets of my own, and that feels like a perverse form of power. I also store wine bottles in my car, which is my personal symbol of autonomy and freedom. My husband has secrets of his own, most of which I’ve learned to ignore in our 15 years together. I wonder how many other women and men who read your blog use their secret drinking to cope with feelings of helplessness or lack of power?
Thank you for your work — I appreciate your compassionate and intelligent approach to sobriety.
Thinking this blog is talking right to me. I’ve got a great life on the outside but hide my drinking and its just getting worse and worse. So ready for a change but have failed so many times what seems like for decades. Thank you for your frank, open discussions and for understanding me when you have never even met me. It is nice to know I’m not the only one out there and I’m too happy to have stumbled on to your site/blog. I’m feeling like i have hope to really do this.
I am a secret drinker. When my partner chooses not to drink during the week and I am preparing dinner, I will reach for a liqueur in the cabinet and repeat pour until I am satisfied. Then I pretend that I am sober (ha ha) and they either choose to ignore or really don’t know that I am totally sloshed. The same thing happens over a bottle of wine. I’ll start with a few hits of hidden booze in any form first before the wine comes out.
Now I am a secret seeker of sobriety – not successful yet. They don’t know, even though they have accused me of being an alcoholic, and they go out and buy $1000 worth of wine to fill the wine fridge that I never touch without permission. I have told them I have a problem and want to work on it but they don’t understand. I don’t want to share my desire to stop because it is the only thing that I can keep out of their control. I am going to stop. I plan to do your course Kate and in the meantime I’m trying your strategies for having AF nights.