You’re at a family gathering and notice that your cousin leaves without finishing their glass.
Then you go to your work Christmas party and spot a colleague happily nursing the same drink all evening.
Meanwhile, you’re on your third glass and counting down until you can go home and drink properly.
When it comes to alcohol, why can other people take it or leave it… but you can’t? Let’s talk about it.
Key points
You’re not broken or lacking willpower
First things first: other people aren’t take-it-or-leave-it drinkers because they’re better humans than you. They’re not more disciplined, more controlled or more evolved. You don’t have a disease and you’re not broken or weird. You just have a coping mechanism that’s not working for you anymore. That’s it.
You might be wrong about other people
Are you SURE these other people are take-it-or-leave-it drinkers? I ask because I bet there are people in your life who have no idea how much you drink at home! They’ve seen you drinking quite moderately in public and never thought anymore about it. Unless you’re with someone all day, it’s hard to know exactly how much other people drink.
Alcohol might not be their thing
A lot of take-it-or-leave-it drinkers don’t get excited about alcohol because they have a different crutch. Maybe it’s food and they struggle with their weight. Maybe it’s gambling, overspending, overworking. I bet there’s something you know other people struggle with that you don’t, because that thing isn’t your thing.
Take-it-or-leave-it drinkers often dislike being drunk
What if the thing you thought was so great about drinking is the thing they hate? Some people don’t like the weird, dizzy sensation. They don’t like losing control. This means that the very thing you’re looking for at the bottom of a bottle is the thing they’re trying to avoid at all costs. Not wanting to be drunk is, obviously, a strong deterrent to drinking more!
They might be comfortable feeling their feelings
Consider for a moment how often you drink because you’re trying to escape something – e.g. stress, sadness, loneliness, frustration or resentment. What if you’d learned how to be okay with those big feelings and didn’t need something outside yourself to manage them? That would really reduce your desire to drink… right? Most of us haven’t been taught how to manage our feelings, but some take-it-or-leave-it drinkers do know how to do this.
Stop comparing and focus on you
I hope this post has provided some answers, but to be honest – there comes a point in all this when you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people and focus on what’s right for you. What if it’s okay that other people drink and do their thing, because that’s the right choice for them? And what if the right choice for you is taking a break from drinking? You might not be thrilled about the idea, but I promise – it could be the best thing you ever do.
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
14 responses
Yes! Most certainly other folks have their own, individual crutches. It took my hospital “adventure” I mentioned earlier for me to learn to focus on myself, and “to heck” with whatever whoever else is doing. I was really tired of the hospital bed & IV after 9 days – getting out and back to health was such a concern that drinking withered in comparison. Your video assures us that we all have a special something we do well, control well. So in my case, it is not alcohol, but other things like being generous with my animal charities, etc. As always, your school is an invaluable tool telling us the truth about the Wine Fantasy.
So pleased you found the blog helpful this week Cynthia. I’ll always tell you the truth about alcohol!
I finally decided to quit alcohol now and not wait until 1/1/2026. The social pressures are so difficult, especially now during the busy holiday season. I am looking for ways to reduce my get-togethers and have a quiet season this year so I can maintain my sobriety. I appreciate your encouraging emails so much! Thank you Bee!!
Good for you Annette! Another month of drinking is not worth the headaches and regret. Have a look at a previous blog I wrote on this exact topic: https://thesoberschool.com/too-hard-to-be-sober-at-this-time-of-year/
Excellent and helpful as always! Thank you.
Very helpful and eye opening. Thank you
This was very helpful. I have tried to ditch alcohol for a long time, attending many online sessions, without success. I am 70 years old now and do NOT need major health issues. That alone should keep me from alcohol. But I really need to dig deeper to determine the WHY. Part of it is triggered by going to the grocery store. I’m at the store, I can get wine. I don’t even drink GOOD wine. But at this point I’m stopping to consider, “how does it taste? do you really love it?” (I don’t). And what about how overheated it makes you? How does that feel? (awful). Imprinting those thoughts on my brain have helped a lot. I recall them as needed to remind me: this is poison. Thank you for all you do. Although I cannot afford your program, I do follow your videos, which are compassionate yet compelling.
Having a clear reason why is a good idea that is important to you. In reality, alcohol is a toxic, mind numbing drug that slows down your thinking, your resolve and has health consequences. Have a listen to my blog about this that I think you’ll find helpful: https://thesoberschool.com/good-enough/
Excellent insights, Kate. I think, too, that we need to refrain from thinking in terms of “normies”. Once we know the reality about alcohol, we realize there’s no such thing as drinking “normally” ~ or drinking “responsibly”, as you’ve addressed in other posts/blogs. Sure, some people drink in a more controlled fashion, but it doesn’t change the reality that alcohol is a toxic substance.
Hi Colleen, Indeed, once we accept that alcohol is, as designed, a mind altering toxic drug why would we ever want to drink it.
This was just what I needed to hear. Day one again. Thank you for all you do, Kate.
Hi Jen, Take good care of yourself. You don’t have to do this alone. If you would like some support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you for this post! It got me thinking about people that I know that seem to be take or leave it drinkers and I thought if three friends of mine. One doesn’t drink much because they prefer CBD. Another friend will have one fancy drink out at a restaurant because she loves to eat and more than drink. The third person I’m thinking of has always been athletic and into protein shakes and drinks and they told me once they just hate feeling dehydrated. So huh…I can’t judge myself based on other people’s relationship with alcohol.
So true Kim. We all have our own thoughts and beliefs about alcohol and therefore our own relationship with it.