Kate's Blog

Is This Good Enough For Me To Stay As I Am?

“I’m not sure if my drinking is bad enough for me to have to quit completely.’’

This is something I hear a lot and it’s a debate I had with myself for a long time. 
I wasn’t a rock bottom drinker, so did I really need to quit – or was I overreacting? 
It took me ages to realise that I was focusing on the wrong thing.
This week’s video is all about the question that every drinker should ask…

Key points:

Why we struggle with this

We’re conditioned to think that we should be able to exercise control over alcohol – a drug that makes us lose control. We’re told it’s just a small section of the population who can’t do this and there’s something wrong with them – it’s a personal failing, a weakness.
Consider for a moment how well that belief system serves the alcohol industry. They don’t want you to quit drinking. You don’t want to be labelled an alcoholic. So we tie ourselves up in knots trying to drink ‘normally’. (I talked more about ‘normal’ drinking here.)
 

A better question to ask

Rather than focusing on whether your drinking is bad enough ask this instead: Is my drinking good enough for me to stay as I am? When you weigh up the benefits against the negatives, is it worth it? Are you willing to keep putting up with the status quo?
 

Your ‘good enough’ standards

What do you consider ‘good enough’ in other areas of your life? If alcohol was a food stuff, a medicine or a relationship, would you be willing to put up with the downsides? Would the side effects be worth it, or do you expect better?
Remember: we deserve good things. We deserve a good quality of life. We deserve to take care of ourselves. None of us need to be anywhere near rock bottom before we decide to stop hurting ourselves and start making different choices. 
 

If you decide alcohol isn’t good enough…

Your next steps are more straightforward than you think. Take a break from drinking and give yourself time to test drive – and fully experience – a new way of living. Treat it like a project and go all in. 
 
If you’d like some help and support to quit drinking – and create an alcohol-free life you love – click here for details of my online course.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 

Comments

53 Responses

  1. Thanks Kate, this has helped me see things differently. I have very high standards in other areas of my life and I’m beginning to see that booze just isn’t good enough. It’s like some dodgy ex! I am planning on taking your class in October.

      1. I loved this video Kate. Alcohol free since I took your course in April this year and have never felt better. My relationship with wine certainly wasn’t good enough and so glad I kicked it into touch.

          1. Hi Kate,
            I wish I had listened to your videos earlier. I’m an alcoholic and tried to quit many many times but goes back to drinking. Today I m giving another try and planning not to drink this year.
            Thanks for your talks. May god bless you!

      2. My biggest issue is anxiety. IN the moment drinking helps my anxiety, but makes it worse and thinking about stopping make me anxious too. I feel caught in a circle.

    1. Thanks for this video, tonight is the first night I haven’t been to the shop for wine since lockdown in March. It’s a good feeling I just hope I stay strong.

      1. Well done Carol. If you’re looking for help and support to make sobriety stick and feel good about alcohol free living (so you’re not relying on sheer willpower alone!) definitely check out my online course. Sobriety doesn’t have to be hard 🙂
        Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

      1. Hi Julia. I know how you feel. I felt the same. I joined Kate’s July course and now everything has changed for me – alcohol free living is the best ! I believe Kate has another course beginning in October. Apply to join – you won’t regret it. Love and luck to you xx

  2. Again you talk so much sense especially about alcohol being a relationship. 6 months plus no drinking and today went to the pub with 3 friends so there was a large wine and a pint or cider and a pint of lager and then there was me a pint of blackcurrant and soda. They all begged me to have “A DRINK”, but I said if you are true friends you would support me and the apologised and said they were proud of me. I go back in my head to what you say and know I can do this.

    1. Good for you! This pandemic has let a lot of the old rules around drinking lapse, when we really should be more careful with our health all around. I haven’t ever fully bought into the AA model (for so many reasons) but I do believe in the old “one day at a time” “one situation at a time” adage. Right now I am on a sober September and taking it one day at a time.

    2. Well done for not drinking and for setting your friends straight! I’m glad they were able to shift how they thought about this when you pointed it out. True friends shouldn’t really care what’s in your glass 🙂

    3. Kate, your site has hit a ‘nerve’…
      Tonight I have consumed two bottles of wine and find your question especially relevant. I am not drunk (although would never drive at this level of intoxication) and am enjoying an evening of tv with my beloved dog Tilly. I enjoy drinking wine, but have to ask if this is really a better way to be my authentic self. I often think how two bottles of wine have affected my brain and body in general. I will wake up tomorrow and feel fine – but is fine even good enough?? Can I accomplish so much more living a sober life??
      I look forward to discovering what a sober life feels like!

      1. Being able to drink two bottles of wine and then wake up and feel ok is a warning sign – you shouldn’t feel ok after that amount. I’d also question whether you *really* feel fine… or whether you’ve just adapted to feeling slightly groggy and off. I’d love to see what the sober version of you is like… I think you might be surprised by just how much better you feel!

  3. Have struggled for months trying to cut down/ quit but all of a sudden I didn’t want a glass of wine or a beer and have just stopped. Sleeping better and looking better definitely the right way for me

    1. Well done Karen. Stopping completely or taking a break for a fixed period is actually easier than trying to moderate, so you’re doing the right thing. Keep going! 🙂

  4. Makes perfect sense! I’m certainly not the best of who I could be while drinking. I’ve gone from at least a bottle a night to one every week or so! Which isn’t good. But the last two times I didn’t even enjoy it. God has taken the desire away.

    1. It sounds like the next step for you will be to take a complete break and see how that feels. It really is such a massive lifestyle upgrade. I hope you love it! 🙂

  5. I have drank far to much over the years, basically a bottle of wine a night two each day at the weekend, always able to work despite sleeping very poorly. Gave myself a good talking to a wee while ago and am now week 10 with no alcohol,my prop is now 00 % beer mainly to have something in a glass at night. Sleeping so much better, have lost a stone in weight and saving £’s. My concern is does 00% beer count as alcohol free, am determined to continue on this route.

  6. This hits home! I have not been good to myself for a long time and settled for less than I derserve in my relationships. I always beatmyself up physically and mentally and alcohol allows me to feel different. And then the next day comes as well as the guilt and a repeat of my behaviors. I need to end this horibble pattern and my relationship with alcohol

      1. I can realy relate to this tonight.ive often thought why can’t I just have a few drinks and then stop I never drank when I was younger but I think I started drinking more when I had family problems with my mum and son. My husband always says its just a habit that can be broken.i drink on Thursday to Saturday 3 large gasses each night.im trying really hard to just have a drink now on social outings, 2 weeks down ! But its been hard which is making me question do I have a problem

  7. Hi Kate! Great post. I knew at age 30 that I should stop, but I kept going for another 15 years. I’ve been sober for more than 5 years now, and I know my life would’ve been infinitely better for those 15 years if I had stopped then. But there are so many pressures + messages to keep drinking – from family, friends, culture, boyfriends. Sobriety is everything I wanted from alcohol – calm and confidence. So worth it. : )

  8. The answer is, no, it is not good enough.
    For the first time I am hopeful about making this life style change without labeling myself or believing I am not normal.
    I have struggled with my alcohol consumption for decades. It is time for it to stop controlling me.

  9. No alcohol isn’t good enough for me. I do have high standards in what I eat and how I train so you’re right why would I compromise with alcohol. You’re blogs have really made me see my relationship with alcohol differently although I do like your phrase of ‘career’! I’m 14 days in and wow feeling so good. Can’t wait to start your course in October.

  10. Hi Kate,
    With your help I learned that life was far from “good enough” while drinking. Functioning is not living! I can’t even imagine trying to navigate Covid and homeschooling if I was still buying into the wine lie.
    Linda
    Proud July/17 graduate

    1. Lovely to hear from you Linda! I’m so pleased you’re doing well in your sobriety and that being AF is helping you navigate this crazy year ❤️

  11. Hi Kate, thank you for the insight, no alcohol is not good enough for me. During these past months I quite for 105 days but have now been drinking again. Each time I do, I contemplate for hours before taking the drink. Today I realized, I cannot drink wine, this will make me drunk, I cannot drink vodka, again, I will get drunk and not feel good and I am tired of waking the day after and not fully 100%. All that is left is beer and this is making me quite full lately. Maybe my brain needs to listen to my body so that I can go back to the wonderful days of sobriety.. Thanks for your wonderful insights and look forward to many more!

    1. I think your body is trying to send you a clear message: alcohol is not working for you. And you deserve so much better than this numbing drug. If you need some help to get back to sobriety (and work on your mindset so it really sticks this time) I’m happy to help. The best way for us to work together is via my course. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

  12. Thank you Kate.you made my day. You’ve just verbalized my guestions and what I feel. The answer is obivious but sometimes we need someone to help us realize what is good for us. I really apreciate it. It means a lit for me. You’re doing brilliant job.

  13. Thanks kate for the video. When you put it like that – it is a no brainer. The ‘benefits’ of alcohol are out weighed by the negatives and living my best life would be more possible without alcohol. I am 15 days AF. It is tough to break the 6pm wine o’clock pattern of behaviour but I am committed to a 90 day project and interested to see the (hopefully positive) consequences

  14. Well said, Kate! Took your July class and remain alcohol-free for 70 days! I remind myself that “I am good enough to NOT DRINK!” My life is so much better without the daily “beatings” regarding drinking wine! My friends are no longer surprised at my decision — and recognize that this is my healthy choice! Thanks, Kate!

  15. Kate, when I first found you, you helped me realize that I am worthy enough NOT to drink. Today marks 100 days AF. Also, I have lost 26 pounds! (How many stones would that be?). I am very thankful for this realization. Blessings to all!

  16. Oh gosh, if it was good enough I wouldn’t be here! So sick of the 2.30 am sweats and feeling so annoyed at my own weakness. BUT, have signed up for Sober October and already got lots of sponsors. I have a deadline and I am going to be all over this. Thank you for the video x

  17. Kate, this is the question I asked myself last September. You suggested asking “Is this good enough?’ when I had been asking myself “Is my drinking bad enough for me to consider quitting” Your suggestion to take a break rather than committing to quitting for good worked for me. I decided to take a 100 day vacation from alcohol and have not looked back. I felt so much better after a 100 day break and it was clear to me that drinking was not “good enough” September 15 marked my 1 year AF anniversary. Thank you!!

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