Sobriety seemed very restrictive to me before I quit drinking.
There was a tightness around it in my mind. All I could focus on was what I would lose.
It didn’t occur to me that quitting drinking might make my world bigger and better… but that’s exactly what happened!
In today’s video, I explain why alcohol-free living adds more to your life.
What most people get wrong
It’s natural to assume that sobriety will make your life smaller and sadder, because you’re taking something away. At least, that’s what I used to think!
But since I quit, I’ve had more fun, more free time, more joy and more amazing experiences… because I don’t drink. I can be out late and still get up the next day with a clear head, ready to take on the world.
Making your life bigger and better
Got a lot on this December? Imagine how much more space you’d have if you knew you could go out on Friday and Saturday night, have a great time and still be fresh the next morning. That is totally possible for you – you can have the best of both worlds.
I have many clients who’ve changed jobs, started new hobbies or gone back to things they used to love but had drifted away from. It’s shocking how tiny and constricted your world can become when your main focus is getting to wine o’clock.
Notice what you need to work on
If you’re thinking, “I just don’t believe I would have as good a time without alcohol – you can’t have the best of both worlds,” then that’s where your work is. That’s probably what you need some support with.
It would be a shame to carry on drinking because you have a thought error or a tangled belief about what alcohol does for you. We can unpack that – together – on my Getting Unstuck course, and help you create the bigger and better sober life you deserve.
Click here to find out more about my next Getting Unstuck course.
Hi Kate, what a refreshing blog/video! I’m at the point in my life right now where I’m ready to quit alcohol. I don’t want to say “I’m giving up alcohol” as that statement makes it seem that one is depriving one’s self of the ‘drink’.
My husband and I used to love the all inclusive resorts in Mexico so we could drink with abandon because it was ‘free’.
I was alcohol free for 11.5 years up to 2008, getting in our first 2 all inclusive trips to Mexico where I didn’t drink any alcohol, and your right…I was still able to have a great time.
While we haven’t been able to go back since 2020, hopefully in 2024 I’ll be able to have that refreshing vacation with mocktails. It is all about reframing your thoughts and looking at the bigger picture of living a full life.
Thank you Kate
You are so right Rose, it’s all about our thoughts and perception which we can control in order to live a full and exciting life without alcohol. The F word (forever) is quite overwhelming for many people and I wrote a blog on that specific topic that you might like to read also: https://thesoberschool.com/quit-drinking-forever/
Thank you Kate, I am sober two weeks and I agree with Rose, even knowing how hard it is. I now feel like it is time to live a better life.
I can’t remember her name (good thing I can’t because I might find myself tempted) but she was trying to convince people that you can moderate . I found myself wanting to listen, thank God I’m not that good at surfing the web lol. I enjoy listening to you Kate
Moderation is a myth and we all know it deep down. Have a listen to one of a few blogs that I’ve written on this topic: https://thesoberschool.com/control-drinking/
Excellent blog! I’ve been sober now for almost 4 months and been the best thing ever however this time of year is tricky and this blog has made me see clearly again and made me realise the benefits of not drinking. Thankyou!
Thank you Kate, I have been thinking quite a while am I drinking too much? Or too often? Am I arguing with people because I’m arguing or because I’m drinking? I want to be a good example for my teenagers. I really feel like I’m aging and I’m sure this is contributing. But the second I start to eat food and sometimes even during the day I’m thinking about having a glass of wine. I really appreciated your perspective in this video and will not forget it.
We often forget that alcohol is addictive, so when a cue like eating happens that you’d normally associate with alcohol, up pops a craving and the chatter in your head can get really loud! I can help you with this and investigate what beliefs are holding you back from your alcohol-free goals on my course called Getting Unstuck. Details of how to join are here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Not to mention, my liver no longer feels “puffy.” I am on day 13 of AF and my essential tremor has calmed down quite a bit also… I can type with both hands instead of having to peck. My anxiety has calmed to where I can have a conversation with someone without being distracted with thoughts of holding myself together. I have good and not so good days… happy and ambivalent days. I attribute it more to weed withdrawal which will take longer to process out. And I also attribute it to having to cultivate new interests to replace my old activity of drinking. Alcohol kept me lazy… I looked forward to wine-o-clock rather than having any real interests in doing anything. I have recently been taking old framed pictures I had bought at yard sales and got new prints that I really like, to replace the pictures, so I’m enjoying having the things that I truly love to decorate my walls. And I’m learning that I’m not the center of the universe… alcohol can make me b*tchy and impatient the next days and I am learning to think more about being kind and patient. You are right… alcohol is just a huge distractor from living life. And a health destructor. I used to often say that I was struggling to get through life… so now I’m learning to create what I want and be grateful. Praise the Lord.
It’s so great to hear that creativity is returning to enrich your life and home Carol 🙂 It’s true, drinking alcohol makes life harder, not easier!
A real inspiration really enjoyed listening I listen over and over to your videos I feel so good with your help Kate and the videos. Xxx
I went to a house party this weekend that I wasn’t really looking forward to – because we always drink far too much at this particular house, have a REALLY late night and regret it the next day. I decided about a week ago that I wouldn’t drink alcohol and bought my drinks in advance, but I was dreading it, convinced I’d be bored and want to leave.
I also told everyone I would be having an AF night so that I was accountable, no one questioned why, which helped me to stick to my guns.
We ended up staying late anyway and I enjoyed the party much more than the others in the past! Waking up the next morning hangover free was an amazing feeling!
I’m looking forward to more AF nights out this month confident that I WILL have a good time, now that I’ve proved to myself it can be done
Glad you had a great time Kate.
Looked like so much fun. I’m giving sobriety a new shot.
Hi Kate! Your video made me get tears in my eyes because I know it’s true! The few days I’m not hung over, I feel more confident, happy and like to spend time with my 4 year old. I use the alcohol as an escape at night from my husband and toddler, but I don’t know when to stop. It’s like self-sabotage at times. I also fear friend/party outings not drinking. I suppose it’s the loosening up aspect and being more talkative since I already struggle with social insecurities…what do they think of me? Do I look bad? Fat? What should I say? I’m bored. There’s too many people here, etc. etc. I drink until I don’t worry anymore about those things. My husband doesn’t like it. He drinks a little, but would be happy with Dr. Pepper. The struggle is real. Another reason I drink a ton more than before is because I went from working full-time for 20 years to marriage, a baby at 41 and staying home with her, trying to do freelance work and still have some purpose and pride. I apologize for rambling, but your video really meant a lot to me! Thank you! Happy Holidays!
Thanks for sharing what’s going on for you, there’s a lot to reflect on. But what I’m hearing is that alcohol is not making any of your anxieties better, so why not take a decent break from booze via my next Getting Unstuck course and make a commitment to take care of you for a while? Here are the details you need: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
This was such a truthful account I felt I needed to acknowledge it. Staying at home, I believe, can be the beginning of a dependency. I waa many year’s ago a single parent and worked full time would find that it was easy to drink at home once my son was in bed and I felt I deserved it. What wasted years really those evenings turned into decades
Thankyou so much for these videos. They have really helped me over the past few months. Whilst I’m not quite there yet I am in a much better place than I was this time last year. Although struggling a little with the festive season right now. Once again thanks again for the tips tools and videos Rachel x
You’re welcome Rachel, glad my blogs are helping. Wishing you a truly, joyous festive season 🙂
Hi Kate! I commented here a few weeks ago about how exhausted I was from drinking. The hang overs, the weight gain, the laziness, spending money we didn’t have, etc. I’m happy to say that I’ve been AF for 7 days! In this short period of time I have accomplished more than I have in six months. No morning head fog or headache (even though I’m experiencing broken sleep which I know can be normal for a short time), I’ve actually lost 3 pounds (have made some diet changes also), the puffiness in my face is noticeably less and the dark circles under my eyes are fading. I can remember the movie that I watched the night before and what I said to my husband. Incredibly I have not had any alcohol cravings or withdrawal symptoms after having been a daily drinker for a long time. I know that this is very early in the game, but I’m amazed at how good I feel so quickly. So can only imagine what down the road will be like living AF for a longer time. I was just so fed up with myself, depressed, self loathing, etc. And decided that statistically I really only have about 15 more years to either live it out with a never ending hangover, or appreciation and joy. Seriously, I never thought I could do it even for this short period of time, and I just want to send out encouragement and love to anyone who can use it. And that in itself will encourage me to continue.
Thank you for all that you do. I really don’t think that I would have embarked on this new page in my life if not for you and your wise and educated inspiration.
That is so lovely to hear and thank you for sharing to encourage others. Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised and so much more. Stick with it, the best is still to come!
Thanks for the video Kate. I am just starting this journey and am choosing to focus on how much I will gain from bringing AF. I’m feeling really positive about the supportive message for the holiday period ahead and will be checking in on what advice you have for me as I work
To make good decisions over the next several holiday weeks.
So much more to gain, sobriety is the difference between thriving and surviving. There’s plenty more to come to inspire and guide you Jennifer, watch this space…
I just need a replacement – something to get fired up about. I used to like to ride horses and that made me really happy so maybe a week’s worth of wine will pay for a riding lesson or hack! I need to get out! I sit in my little bubble of wine every night and go through the motions. I now don’t want to go out and get anxious when I have a function to attend. I cook, I clean, I brush my teeth before bed, get up go to work, get home drink and do it all again! I need a goal. That’s what stops me stopping. I need to find what I want from my life at 56! The Queen rode at 90 + so maybe I can.
That’s exactly what I mean in this blog Julia, alcohol limits and restricts our lives to the point that we don’t want to do anything else – and that’s sad. You can do anything you want, find what brings you joy and start making small changes to achieve it…
Thanks Kate, This all rings very true especially the idea of being reluctant to quit (or not drink at certain occasions) because you feel you wont enjoy yourself as much. Not only (to my surprise) can I enjoy myself as much socially if I have opted not to drink but I am also a lot happier and more productive the following day for obvious reasons. I am 6 months in to a huge reaction in my alcohol intake after having not had an AFD for about 15 years. So I haven’t completely quit (although this isn’t out of the question) but have set some boundaries around my drinking which I’m doing a pretty good job (about 90% success rate) of sticking too. I feel soooo much better for it. Nothing has been taken away from me but a lot has been gained.
Sometimes it is the fear of ‘missing out’ that holds women back from giving sobriety a try. But I invite every woman to at least give sobriety a test drive for six weeks, because I can guess that alcohol has been given many, many chances before and not delivered the promised joy? Find out more about how I can support you for six weeks – you’ll be surprised how much can change in that short time: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Really enjoy your Blogs/videos- you have a great down to earth & honest way of sharing information. I had been enjoying sobriety for 4 1/2 years until this year ( still unsure what triggered my return to drinking this year)
Not drinking heavily like previously but enough to make me reevaluate and decide i preferred not drinking So thankyou for your words of wisdom that are helping me get back to my best life x
Good to hear you are getting back to your ‘best life’ – sobriety really is a lifestyle upgrade. My mission is to spread this message to as many women as possible and help them find the freedom and opportunities that sober life has given me, because it’s amazing ❤️
I know you’re right, I just can’t get started. My urges are so strong around 5, and I’m so irritable if I am trying to not drink. I’ve heard you say this before: Failing every day is such an awful feeling, so I’m barely trying.
The urges are strong because drinking around 5 o’clock has become a habit and our brains love to repeat habits, whether they be good or bad. Alcohol is also addictive, so when it’s hard to ignore the chatter in your head, I invite you to listen to my free pep talk instead: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk-audio/
This video is on point as usual. I am on Day 6 AF and I really do not see myself going back. When I had a thought about alcohol (my husband was having a beer) instead of thinking about how I would feel good if I indulged, I thought, “is that drink (or more likely the whole bottle of wine) worth another day 1?” I have had more day 1’s than I care to think about. I am so happy that I will begin the new year with an entire month of sobriety (and hopefully some weight loss) already under my belt. Thank you, Kate, for all you do for people. You are truly an earth angel.
Thanks for your kind words Jen, I really appreciate that 🙂 Keep going, it gets better and better I promise!
I’m so excited for my first alcohol free Christmas and New Year. I’ve spent the last month experimenting with nonalcoholic drinks, my whole family got involved too which was fab so I’m already stocked up for the season ahead. We have a ‘big’ night out with friends this weekend and I can’t wait because the reality is we always have a fantastic time because we are altogether. It’s got nothing to do with the wine! Normally after a night out I would write off the whole of the next day too but not this time and I can’t wait to fill my Sunday with even more things that make me happy and healthy. If anything I’m now struggling to fill my time I’ve got so much life back x
Aah, that’s lovely to hear “I’ve got so much life back”. What a wonderful gift to yourself Sarah ❤️
Thank you Kate for another inspiring video. I really like the sound of “expanding your life”. I am 47 days wine free at this time and really relate to this. I always thought I have a full life, but nothing compares to the depth of feeling and aliveness of all 5 of my senses when I am living an elevated AF life.
My day 9 AF. I had my last drinking day 11/26. I decided to toast my last drink (per Allen Carr advice) with the most vile tequila I could find on 11/27. Mail came today with free classes from my community college. I will be joining painting classes. I did these when I first moved to Southern California 26 years ago, long before an increasingly growing problem with alcohol. I am so looking forward to getting back the good life I have neglected for too long. I am so thankful to Kate and this community of support!
It’s so rewarding to go back to something you used to enjoy that alcohol had ‘stolen’. Congratulations on your 9 days; onwards and upwards!
Hi Kate, your videos have been super helpful this year and have managed to cut down significantly. Managing afew weeks without alcohol. Unfortunately i seemed to be more stressed then usual. stress is something very difficult to manage and alcohol seems to help me take that edge of. Is there anything that can help with the intense stress amd emotion, I’d love to be alcohol free from now until next year atleast……..my kids are not getting any younger and I want to make the most of them before they don’t need their stress head, no motivation moaning mum.
Sorry about that 🙁
Thanks Clare, so glad to hear you have found my videos helpful. As many studies have shown, alcohol often adds to our stress rather than be a stress reliever that we have been told (or often sold). I wrote a blog some time ago about the ‘facts versus fiction’ of the stress myth that still holds very true today: https://thesoberschool.com/helping-me-cope-with-stress/
Love the blog!
I really want to go AF but finding it so difficult with peer pressure from friends to drink! My best friend’s brother doesn’t drink and she’s always saying it’s such a shame and that he’s missing out! I do think my life would be better AF though when I think about it deep down