If you’re reading this, I suspect you’re in a serious, long-term relationship with alcohol.
Or perhaps you’ve recently separated? Or are on a break? Or maybe you eventually agreed to go your separate ways, only to keep hooking up at weekends?
As the song goes, breaking up is hard to do.
If you’re trying to end things with alcohol but are finding it difficult, the thoughts I share in this week’s video might help…
Key points
Like it or not, you have a relationship with alcohol
Maybe you and alcohol are in an unhappy marriage right now? Or perhaps you’re having some time apart? Whatever stage your relationship is at, just take a minute to tot up the amount of time you spend on drinking: thinking about it, worrying about it, recovering from it… Wondering if breaking up with booze is actually a possibility for you? And if it is, trying to figure out why you keep getting back together?
Is alcohol good enough for you?
If booze was a real-life person, would you want to be in a relationship with them? If you had a real-life partner who regularly made you feel bad, let you down and never followed through on their promises… how long would you put up with it for?
Breaking up with booze
Ending things with alcohol really can feel like splitting up with someone. However I suspect that, at some point, you’ve been in a relationship that you knew wasn’t working. Even though it wasn’t easy, you finished it and moved on, didn’t you?
Your current partner
Maybe you’re with your dream partner right now? Perhaps you’re in a committed relationship with someone you’d never have met if you’d stayed with that other guy or girl? It’s exactly the same with alcohol. Get through the break up and give sobriety a chance. Who knows what’s just around the corner!
Are you looking forward to breaking up with booze and creating a sober life you love? Click here to find out more about my Getting Unstuck course.
58 responses
Loved the comparison. Right now, I am separated and thinking about divorce.
Separation is a good start and exactly what I recommend in my six week Getting Unstuck course which is a decent amount of time to test drive sobriety. Join me in April for the chance to enjoy the break, rather than be sad about it: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you so much Kate. That has really helped today. Iv been booze free since 1st January and felt so much better about myself. But sadly on Friday night after over 6 weeks I totally ruined it! with the I’ll just have a couple of glasses excuse, with a meal with my husband. Oh dear, once the wine was gone, i started on the left over Bailey’s from Christmas. The night ended with me vomiting. and a loss of 2 days to get over it! Im now embarrassed and have spent a fortune on carpet cleaner! My husband says I was great fun and he was happy to have the old drinking buddy back! I much prefer sober me! Back to square 1, down the snake but climbing back up that ladder again! My alcohol relationship is definitely toxic, but im the grown up, I will win. Sxx (Thank you for your help and support)
Now is not the time to beat yourself up Sarah. You get to choose what you eat or drink, so get right back on it and remember this episode if you are tempted again. Get really curious about why you drank, what the thoughts were just before you decided to break your sober streak – the mind is very powerful, so examine your thoughts in detail. This is exactly the work I teach in my online course and I’d love to see you in the classroom where I can help you more: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Very good analogy. I have quit. But I never want to go back again which has happened before.
Hi Kate! So good to hear your voice and analogy on alcohol. It is true, that it is a relationship. I for one realize this relationship needs a huge break if not forever!, but I’m scared , so I determined to give it my all for the next 3 months.
You can do this Diane, you’re not alone! 🙂
I’m tired of alcohol, yet keep drinking. Mostly on weekends I’ll drink and once I start I can’t stop. Like now, I drank Saturday and still feel the out of sorts today..
Don’t forget alcohol is an addictive substance and the most glamourised drug on the planet too, so it draws you back in, even when you’ve decided to stop. I wrote a blog about being ‘good’ for a few days that I think might resonate with you: https://thesoberschool.com/being-good-monday-thursday/
I split up 22 days ago! The need to split up sort of crept up on me over the last few months during which I was questioning the relationship. After many shocking realisations, I think it’s the right thing for me to do. So far so good.
We are divorced. A little over 8 months now
I’m currently in a very long term relationship with alcohol and I can certainly say it’s not a good one! I really want us to split up but so scared of us not being together!
How about going on a break instead? You can always make up afterwards, but by educating yourself about the truth of alcohol and it’s sneaky ways, you can make a much more informed decision whether you want it in your life at all. Join me in April for my Getting Unstuck coaching programme, more details here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
He is not worth your time or energy.
A really good way of looking at this, thank you… My relationship is an everyday thing….its very difficult to the point I’m just not living anymore and wish I could kick this drink out
Alcohol steals happiness from tomorrow and I can help you kick it out. I have coached thousands of women who want to take a break from booze, but hate the idea of missing out or feeling deprived. Stopping drinking doesn’t have to be tough. I can show you how to quit without feeling miserable and create an alcohol-free life you’ll love. Have a listen to some of my previous students and their inspiring stories here: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I loved this analogy thank you
Thank you so much Kate for your inspiring analogy on alcohol. I’m just over 2 weeks into Sobriety and can’t even begin to tell you how it’s changed my life for the better. I definitely want a divorce, my first goal is a month. I have an addictive personality so don’t think I’ll ever be able to drink it moderation.
That’s great to hear Alexandra, congratulations on your two weeks and a month is a great first goal. What’s next? Six weeks, 100 days, six months – keep it going! 🙂
Same here a binge drinker at weekends
Alcohol-free since Jan 1st.
Feeling great and grateful for every new day. Wish I’d given up alcohol years ago .
Looking forward to my Alcohol-free birthday in a few days.
Great analagy, so true. You’d never put up with the heartache, anxiety etc in any other relationship. So good to cut the ties .
I am always inspired by you Kate.
My life and perspective forever changed.
I completed what I thought would just be a “break” in January. But after Dry January, I’ve realized alcohol is just not for me. I’ve had to draw a line in the sand and say, “No More.” While the older we get, change does seem a bit harder, it’s worth it. I simply could not stay in a relationship with alcohol that was sucking the very life out of me. Onwards and Upwards as Day 43 of Sobriety is charted!
I agree with your analogy, Kate. I have been in a relationship where I finally said “that’s it, I am out of here” and that’s how I feel about alcohol.
Good for you Kit, there’s a bigger, better world out there and many more relationships that will serve you well ❤️
Hi Kate…had a bad relationship with alcohol in my 20s and 30s…was so er for 20 yrs then hit an incredibly stressful time (hit from all sides) and started drinking again 5 yrs ago. Increased to daily all day use (but i was still incredibly functional amazingly. For last year has interfered with relationships with husband and adult children. Am now on my 11th day alcohol free and doing pretty well except for GUILT!!! Nothing to cloud it with, but have started exercising again and trying to focus on positive. Thinking of doing your online course…glad i found this site!!!
A positive focus will help and exercise is great for the natural highs such as dopamine. I discuss dealing with past guilt on my course so I’d be honoured to help you unpick that and move forward to a joyful alcohol-free life: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Like the analogy there. I’m really trying. Struggling. Everyday I say this is the day, then I drink again. I know I need to stop for my health. Then something else happens and I need a drink.
When alcohol is the only coping mechanism we have for a difficult day, it becomes the default option, but that can change. Have a listen to my free pep talk when the next challenge arises: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
Hi Kate. I’m coming up to almost 6 months now sober and feel so grateful of your blogs, useful guides that keep me going month after month as the benefits are endless. I just wanted some advice on alcohol free beverages. Did u try any and find you were using these a lot as alternatives? I currently am and as much as I feel I am proud I also still feel guilty if that makes sense? Any advice please? Xx
Congratulations on your six months sobriety and I’m so pleased to hear my blogs are helping too 🙂 Alcohol-free alternatives are fine if they work for you. Some women I’ve worked with love to keep the ‘ritual’ of a nice drink in a fancy glass or giving the illusion of joining in drinking around friends in a social gathering. There are plenty on the market these days so have fun experimenting to find ones you like. Other women tell me, AF drinks are a little too near the real thing and they’d rather break the habit of having a drink in a certain situation and that’s cool too. Personal choice is my answer I guess – I’m partial to a sparkling tea myself!
Just call me a newly ‘divorcée’- 8 months. Alcohol and me…it had become an abusive relationship. Alcohol took control of my thoughts, my actions and my time. Not any more. I’m a free woman thanks to Kate’s course!
Congratulations Jane, you made the right decision for yourself and won’t regret it ❤️
This was great listening to you. I do want a break from alcohol, but I still would like a being socially active at gatherings without over indulging. I go 2 weeks with no alcohol, then big game comes on, and before I know it I’m loosing it.i hate myself the next day. Then my husband tells me all I did and I don’t remember. I just want to have a good tome and stop after 1 drink.
Alcohol has had many chances and makes you hate yourself and forget what you did – that’s not a good relationship. How about test driving sobriety for a defined period with the option to return to drinking if you don’t like it? I wrote a blog about this exact topic that I think you might find interesting: https://thesoberschool.com/sobriety-makes-me-feel-deprived/
I broke up only two days ago with alcohol. I feel so much better emotionally and physically, but I’m afraid I won’t maintain this separation as events and chance meetings bring us back together. I am trying to have a “one day at a time attitude” but still feel a lot of anxiety. Thank you, Kate, for this video.
The early days of sobriety are the hardest, so concentrate on the positives for now. Alcohol doesn’t really fix our anxiety – in fact it adds to it as I explain in my video here: https://thesoberschool.com/wine-fix-your-anxiety/
Thanks for this kate. I have examined my relationship with alcohol since before the new year 2023 and I am shooting for 100 days to continue on with my breakup with this unhealthy relationship I have had with alcohol for too long now. I recently said to myself why would I stay in a relationship that is maybe 20% good and 80% bad for me. That is how I described my relationship with alcohol and it gave me perspective. You have validated my thoughts and that is much appreciated.
I love that way of thinking Anne “20% good and 80% bad” – why would you stay in that kind of relationship??
Love your analogy Kate, such a good way of looking at it and really helped me today. I have been separated since the 1st January, but on Sunday I really struggled to get the thoughts out of my head that I had so much fun when we were together and that I missed it even if it is only a small drink. I didn’t though, and this video made me think that you wouldn’t open the old wounds after a real relationship break up so why would you do it in this situation? Stick to my guns and have the trial separation for the 90 days and then see how I feel.
Thank you for this, Kate. It is SO SO SO relatable!! My relationship with alcohol is so unhealthy! I’ll call him “Drew” for this comparison. I wake up in the morning and think “Gosh, Drew is such a f***ing ASSHOLE! He always does this to me”. He’ll call me up and say he’s sorry, he’s different now, we can do all of this fun stuff, it will be ROMANTIC just like the good old days….etc. I fall for it and it’s not fun. It’s not romantic and it’s nothing like the old days. I usually end up crying alone in bed and then I wake up at 3am and ask myself why in the heck I continue to answer the phone! What a jerk. He’s not different. It’s his nature. UGH! I need to just end it for good because I certainly don’t want to go on this way. What kind of life is that?! Nah, I’ll try to talk to this new guy and it will be scary at first, but also great. Thanks Kate ♥️ Happy Valentines Day!!
Ha ha, brilliant! This analogy really brings it home – it’s just the nature of alcohol but we are so forgiving for so long, unlike with a real person. Have fun building a relationship with sobriety – it never lets you down I promise. ❤️
Interesting view of things. Thank you for sharing and it all makes sense.
Me and alcohol have separated since January 1, but I am not sure about the full divorce yet. Still figuring out things regarding this relationship. Right now I don’t want to go back.
I needed to hear this today. I am angry right now at my relationship and wanting to break it off. My partner is hammering at me that I am drinking too much too often. What starts out as one drink of wine usually ends on the bottle being empty. I typically have at least three glasses a day. Lately, that has been creeping up there. You are right, the amount of time you think about how to stop, how to be different, how to break it off…it is a lot of time that could be spent in a much happier relationship.
Hi Kate, thank you for this. I tell myself every morning that I’m not going to drink today but at the end of the day (every day) I drink. It’s an awful habit that I can’t seem to break. I feel so out of control with alcohol and I don’t know how to kick the habit. It haunts me every day. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
This is so great, and brilliant. Exactly what I needed to hear❤️
Hi Kate, im new to your videos this is the second and I need you… Im at that point where I really want to stop drinking and im finding it so so hard .. im hoping with your help I can do it. Thank you.
It can be hard doing this on your own which is why the community support on my course is a key factor to helping women break free from the alcohol trap – because that’s exactly what it is, a trap. I wrote a blog about this exact topic that you might resonate with: https://thesoberschool.com/the-alcohol-trap/
I read your first message about three weeks ago. It would be good to say “and I’ve never looked back”, but it wouldn’t be true. But the last 10 days have been alcohol-free. I was worrying about St Valentine’s Day, but I decided I’d try a 0% bottle of sparkly, and we both thought it was ok.
Thank you for your spot-on messages and your sense of fun.
I’m so pleased to hear you and your significant other enjoyed an alcohol-free alternative on Valentine’s Day – what a win! The range of zero or low alcohol drinks has expanded massively in recent years, so it shows that there is a market for them. I hope you had a wonderful evening and enjoyed the added bonus of feeling great the morning after too ❤️
I love the way you explained this. That I will feel better eventually. My relationship is on and off again, when I am an on I like the way it makes me feel!! So that when I am off I think about it constantly and can flip my status into ‘on’ without even thinking about it!
Thank you for your help.
I have read all of the messages from your students and I’m looking forward to starting the course on 3rd April. I was kidding myself that I didn’t need support with this horrible relationship but now that I’ve made the decision to join, I’m relieved that I’ve taken the steps to take control. In the meantime, I will listen to your blogs and students experiences.
It can be hard struggling alone, so I look forward to guiding you to an alcohol-free life you’ll love Amanda. Humans crave connection and working with others on the same path of enlightenment is very empowering 🙂
Loved this analogy, really needed to hear this today!
I’ve been separated for just over 6 weeks now, but I’m ticking off the days until we can be together again (trying to get to 100 days). I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but Im telling myself that I will be strong enough by then, to be friends again and not lovers…..
Maybe count up your sober days rather than ticking them off? You may feel very different after 100 days and not want to break that sober streak!
Completely enmeshed and toxic relationship with wine. I want to break away from this relationship with which is doing so much damage and stealing so much away from me and my life. Thank you. I look forward to breaking away and starting anew!
If you need support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thanks Kate – great comparison. I have only just found your site. I am 61 days AF today – and for me this is a really big deal. I’ve not been AF this long since probably that late 1970s!! (I’m 64). I’ve been able to find a number of resources which have helped me get this far – but I am always on the lookout for more… The more support the better eh?
Thanks again and kind regards Leone (from NZ)