How do you know when it’s time to quit drinking or take a break from booze?
I used to google this topic endlessly.
Because I wasn’t a rock bottom drinker, I was never sure if I was overreacting or not.
But there are always clues that it’s time to stop.
Here are 6 surprising signs you probably haven’t considered yet…
Key points
1. You’ve always got one eye on the booze
You know exactly how much is left in the bottle. You keep an eye on what everyone else is drinking and wonder if there’s enough left; you often feel anxious about getting to the shops in time so you can buy more.
2. You’re touchy about your drinking
Perhaps a friend makes an offhand, jokey comment about your love of wine and you replay the remark over and over in your head. What did they really mean by it? You worry about what other people think.
3. You’re relieved when you can drink
You worry that you won’t be able to drink in the way you want, so it’s a relief when you can. You feel delighted when someone else volunteers to drive, or you get home early so you can have a few drinks alone.
4. You create a lot of rules around your drinking
Perhaps you make yourself wait until a certain time of day. Maybe you have rules about what you can drink or where. These rules can appear to work initially, but you’re soon back to square one.
5. There’s a lingering feeling of fear and unease
You have this sense that something bad is about to happen, you’re just not sure what. Perhaps you’ve already had a few close calls or put yourself in situations that could’ve ended with you hurting yourself or someone else.
6. You’re here
If you’re asking yourself whether you need to quit drinking, then there’s a very good chance you do. If alcohol is making you unhappy, you have nothing to lose by experimenting with sobriety and taking a proper break from booze.
How long have you been worrying about your drinking?
Can you remember the first time you thought, “Ok, perhaps I should do something about this?”
It might be further back than you think.
This kind of information is really important, but we’re very good at misremembering it.
In fact, I recently discovered I’d been getting this wrong too…
Key points:
Why we get this wrong
When it comes to alcohol, our brain wants to tell us that our drinking isn’t really that big of a deal. We want to believe that it’s not bad enough for us to stop; that it’s not the right time yet. That way, we don’t need to change or take any action.
Why this matters
If you’ve been quietly worrying about your drinking for months – or years – you will have lost hours thinking about it. You’ll have spent days beating yourself up and wondering if you should change. That matters. The cumulative effect of that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Getting the date right
Look for evidence – when was the first time you took a small step to tackling your drinking? Perhaps you bought a book about alcohol free living. Can you work out when and where? If you follow my blog, how long have you been receiving my emails for? Is it longer than you think?
Ready to take a break from drinking and create an alcohol free life you love? Click here for details of my online course.
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“I want to quit drinking, but my partner won’t stop.”
“I don’t think I can do it alone.”
I know it can feel hard when you’re thinking about going alcohol-free, but your other half has no plans to change.
So how do you navigate this? There’s one big thing you need to remember, as I explain in this video:
Key points:
Having a partner who drinks doesn’t need to be a problem
If you’re adamant that you can’t quit unless your partner does, here’s what you need to know: about half the women I work with have husbands and wives who don’t want to stop. It’s not a big deal, provided you’re getting support elsewhere.
Remember this too: I work with plenty of women who are single, or who have the most supportive partners you could imagine – and yet those women have still found sobriety hard. Having zero temptation at home isn’t the secret to success.
Stop making your circumstances your problem
Here’s the hard truth: when you blame your life or your circumstances for your drinking, you’re always going to find a reason why this can’t happen for you. We’ve got to stop waiting to feel supported by others and start supporting ourselves first.
The good news? When you take ownership of the fact that you’re 100% responsible for your drinking, it’s also very liberating, because it means that you don’t have to change anyone else in order to change you. Changing yourself is much easier than trying to change others!
Remember: you are your own person
Take a moment to think about all the ways in which you are already different from your partner. There will be many areas of life in which their behaviour does not influence your beliefs, choices or habits.
Letting go of alcohol can be just another one of those things where they make one choice and you make another. Your relationship is about so much more than the liquid you pour into your glass.
For help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online class
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September’s nearly here and that back-to-school feeling is in the air.
If you’ve been drinking more than you planned to over the past few months, now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and get back on track.
In today’s video I’m talking about how to avoid 3 common mindset mistakes (that can make sobriety much harder than it needs to be.)
Key points:
Mindset mistake 1: Turning “I don’t want to” into a big deal
In other areas of life, we don’t let “but I don’t want to” put us off. We get up early when we want to lie in. We tidy up. We go to work. We don’t wait until we feel motivated – sometimes things just have to get done, no matter what.
It’s normal to feel resistant to things at times. It only becomes a problem when we talk ourselves into thinking that we should wait until we feel more inspired before we can take action.
Mindset mistake 2: Slashing your car tyres
Getting a flat tyre is annoying. It’s a temporary setback – but that’s all it is. What you don’t do is get so mad that you slash your other three tyres so you’re well and truly screwed. So don’t do this with sobriety either.
One bad day doesn’t need to lead to four bad days. Don’t abandon your sober car in a ditch because it’s got one flat tyre or the windscreen wipers have stopped working. The quicker you get back on the road, the quicker you’ll get to where you want to go.
Mindset mistake 3: Asking pointless questions
Pointless questions include, “Why is everything so hard for me?” “Why can’t I get anything right?” “Why can’t I quit drinking?” These are terrible, pointless questions because you can’t possibly answer them in a way that helps you move forward.
Don’t waste time and energy answering pointless questions – just ask better questions instead. For example – “I’ve noticed I’m finding this hard right now. What help could I get to make this easier?” Or, “What’s one thing I’m willing to do differently next time?”
If you’d like help and support to create an alcohol-free life you love, click here for details of my online course.
Stay sober tonight - listen to my free pep talk!
As well as the audio, we'll also send you helpful and inspiring weekly emails with free resources, tips & advice, plus details of our awesome products and services. We’ll take care of your data in accordance with our privacy policy and you can unsubscribe at any time.
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When will this get easier? Am I always going to miss alcohol?
These questions used to bounce around my head on repeat.
When you first quit – or you’re thinking about stopping drinking – everything feels so uncertain and overwhelming.
If you’re wondering if alcohol free living can ever just feel normal and lovely, this video will help:
Key points:
The choice to be in permanent recovery (or not!)
If you quit drinking with AA, you will largely be relying on willpower to stay sober. You will be told that you need to take things one day at a time, for the rest of your life. You will remain defined by the thing you no longer do any more.
If that doesn’t sound fun to you, then here’s the good news: there is another way. You can quit drinking and then move on with your life. Personally, if I wasn’t working in this field, I don’t think I’d even think about alcohol anymore. You couldn’t pay me enough to drink it now!
The hard work is in the early days
It takes effort and focus to change a pattern of behaviour to begin with. You’ve got to unpick the social conditioning we have around alcohol. It’s a very romanticised drug and we’re conditioned to project qualities onto it that it doesn’t have.
If you started a big new job, you’d give yourself 3 months to settle in. It’s the same with sobriety – there’s a steep learning curve to begin with. Your first year of sobriety is full of sober firsts and challenges, but after the first 90 days things do tend to settle down and feel easier.
If you’re still find finding things hard…
If you’ve been sober for a long time but it’s still tough, then you need to look at your thoughts. What beliefs do you have about alcohol? What work are you doing to question the stories about booze that swirl around your brain?
This is exactly the kind of work we cover on my Getting Unstuck course. The class is designed for women who are at the very beginning of their alcohol free journey, but if you’re further along and struggling with your mindset, it would be worth you checking it out here.
Download your free Wine O'Clock Survival Guide!
(It’ll help keep you on track tonight)
As well as the guide, we’ll also send you helpful and inspiring weekly emails with free resources, tips & advice, plus details of our awesome products and services. We’ll take care of your data in accordance with our privacy policy and you can unsubscribe at any time.
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