Kate's Blog

Sober Courage: Be A Rebel, Not A Sheep

For many of us, one of the toughest things about quitting drinking is the idea of being different to everyone else.

Let’s face it: most people do drink – and most of us like to fit in!
Choosing an alcohol-free lifestyle means going against the grain. You’re doing your own thing and stepping out from the crowd… and that can be really scary at first.
If this is something you’re struggling with right now, I hope today’s video will inspire you to get out there and be AF and proud!

Key points:

1) Remember that you’re far more independent and bloody-minded than you think!

Perhaps you have an unusual hobby, a unique taste in music, or you’re passionate about certain social or political issues. When it comes to those things, I bet you don’t care whether other people agree, approve, or join in with you.
You are a lot more independent than you give yourself credit for. When it comes to sobriety, try and channel that same bloody-mindedness; you are not going to stay stuck in a rut just because other people might raise an eyebrow!

2) It won’t feel this hard forever. 

It’s official – you are not the only sober person on the planet. New government figures show that in boozy old Britain, 1 in 5 adults are now teetotal. So why does it feel as if everyone drinks?
It comes down to perspective. We all have a confirmation bias, so when we believe that ‘everyone’ drinks, we keep on finding more evidence that supports this theory. But when you stop drinking, you will soon start to spot other non-drinkers, or people who drink a lot less than you thought they did.

3) Being in a minority will set you up for good things!

Choosing not to follow the masses is a quiet act of rebellion. Once you’ve gone against the grain once, it’ll boost your confidence – and who knows where you’ll stop? You’ll be able to take on anything 🙂

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 


43 responses

    1. Kate,
      I enjoyed your video. I have been sober for about 2 months now. I decided to be open with friends about the fact that I am not drinking now. Most usually ask why. My short answer is I am trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. I am 62 and really feel I should not hold onto to a habit that will potentially ruin my health and possibly shorten my life. I have much more living to do and I would like to do it with a clear mind. Thanks for the support!

    2. I adore Kate too! It’s because I listened to one of Kate’s interviews on a Podcast that I’ve been sober for 8 months now and once again Kate has given me more inspiration as have been feeling a little lonely in my sober world until today. Thanks Kate!

  1. Oh yes! I’ve always been a “rebel” and reveled in it. That is one reason it bugs me that I have been trying to “fit in.” Grrrr. I’ve thrown off the sheep’s skin and am dancing as an AF she-wolf!

    1. Ha ha, I can picture that! I’ve always thought of myself as being pretty independent too, but I certainly let this stuff hold me back for a while. So many of us do.

  2. Thank-you Kate! I have taken a few long vacations from alcohol (3 months, 5 months), and I have always gone back. I have now started another break. There was never a truly horrible episode when I went back, just the relentless creeping up of the intake over a period of months, and then some boozy evening when I got snarky and mean with my spouse (I never remember these), and the realizations a) that I don’t want to be that way, and b) that if I continue to drink, being that way is inevitable. I’ve started a writing course (always wanted to but never had the time – early morning free time used to be taken up by the morning-after haze.) I’ve now got something better to do! I appreciate your being there every Monday. Your blog is the first thing I looked for when I started my current vacation from booze. Your tips are excellent and inspiring!

    1. Thanks Patricia. It sounds as if you’ve learnt a lot from those slips – now you know that moderation definitely does not make you feel good or feel happy. Alcohol free living is where it’s at! Enjoy 🙂

  3. This message really resonates with me. #courage
    Sobriety is so much easier than moderation. Thank you!

  4. Oh I love this video and the scenery where you are. For ages I’ve been tryna give up the booze but kept failing cos I always felt like I was missing out. Turns out I’m never missing out on much a part from the vile taste and the hangover the next day. I’m currently on day number 6 of not drinking as I ‘re started and I feel good. Especially in this beautiful sunny weather id hate to be hungover. I think from past experience of trying to give up and failing, I think I might be successful this time. If others want to drink they can but I’m good without it, thank you very much

    1. That’s great Brodie, congratulations on your 6 days – it sounds as if your mindset is starting to shift. If you need anymore support to stop drinking (and feel good about it) my 6 week class could really help you. The next one is in July: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

  5. I have not “joined” you yet in your sober lifestyle, but I find watching your videos are time very well spent. You are gifted communicator with a caring and relatable demeanor. You are speaking truth and I know it. Therefore, I am trying to “join the club”. . . Sincerely.

    1. You’ll get there. Keep going and keep exploring – eventually you’ll be ready to make the leap into alcohol-free living. It’s nice over here! If you need any more support to make that shift, my online course could be right up your street: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

    2. I agree with that assessment! You are a wonderful communicator Kate! I only drink wine so didn’t think I had any reason to stop drinking.. and then heard you talking on a podcast about the manner in which women often drink to excess – through wine. And that was powerful enough to bring me here to see what this is all about… cool 🙂

  6. Thank you, Kate! I love your message and am privileged to be with you as a “sober rebel”. Your message is inspiring an I’m jealous of your background setting with the sheep! Thank you for all you do!
    Maureen M.

  7. Kate,
    This is EXACTLY what I needed this morning. This video was beyond helpful, thank you for everything you do. You inspire me to keep up this lifestyle, be confident and proud of it. I am excited to lead at least one small act of quiet rebellion today <3

  8. Really needed to see and hear this today! Feeling very isolated and like I’m not fitting in at the moment but you helped me remember that I’ve always kind of not fit in so why start now! . I’m 7 months AF but have been feeling down in the dumps lately. Thanks so much for the motivation and inspiration! It came right when I needed it! ☺️

  9. Hi Kate, I’m on Day 12, and what I’m finding is that I’m getting stronger, confident and more proud of my decision not to drink alcohol. I love your phrase “quiet act of rebellion”. That’s exactly how it feels. I’m quietly showing my strength and determination to create a better life for myself. Thank you for your words of wisdom!

  10. I am 18 months sober and I have been following you for the entire time . In the beginning you were a lifeline I need very much . All my help along the way has come from memoir books spiritual readings and you . Thank you so much I’m in a very good place and still enjoy and get a lot out of you post

  11. Thanks Kate, I needed a little pick me up after finishing your course and missing my daily lesson! Dad always told me not to be a sheep and think for myself, happy to be a sober rebel.

  12. Hi Kate!
    I took your course a while ago, but ALWAYS love your approach. It really speaks to me. I am a bit of a rebel and always have been, so this blog REALLY spoke to me. Why is it that I can make waves or make my life uncomfortable when I’m fighting for the underdog and saying what needs to be said (but, no one else won’t), but when it comes to alcohol, I’m afraid of rocking the boat or disappointing someone or people (when I say I’m not drinking)? Interesting point. I’ve always loved being a rebel and will be a SOBER REBEL!!! 🙂 XO

    1. It’s so strange how independent and fearless we can be in other areas of our lives! But you can shift that bravery and ‘I-don’t-care-what-you-think’ attitude over to sobriety too. You’ve got this Tammy!

  13. I love this message & I’m finding that I am choosing ME when I choose to not touch alcohol anymore. It can appear to be an awkward, feeling “other” for a short time, but if you think about it, the real awkwardness occurred when I drank (always too much). It’s fun learning who I really am & gratefully taking up space with my “ME-ness”. It’s not always roses & butterflies, but when life’s shitstorm blows your way, will being numb, drunk & hungover help the problem in any way? Bloody hell no. Thanks, Kate, your contribution & perspective is always spot on & much appreciated!

    1. You nailed it. When life is tough, being drunk and hungover actually makes things harder to deal with and sort out. Great post Lisa.

  14. Hi Kate. What a lovely video blog – thank you! I’ve decided to stop and last weekend was tricky. We had a big Royal Wedding street party and I spent the first hour dodging glasses of prosecco being handed out! However, once I armed myself with a glass of tonic, people stopped hassling me. The thing I found hardest was worrying about people’s reaction which is unlike me in every other aspect of my life – how weird is that?! Anyway, I soon realised that people don’t really care so here I am a week in and loving it! A week may not sound like much but getting through big social events like last weekend without buckling is a huge achievement- onwards and upwards!

    1. That street party sounds great! Well done for not drinking. Keeping a drink of something alcohol-free in your hand is a good way of stopping quite so many people offering you drinks. Keep going Lyn! 🙂

  15. Hi Kate. Brilliant analogy. I have prided myself in not fitting in for years and it’s been a great part of my identity. So you are right. There is no use being a sheep on the drinking front.
    I’m Day 46 having completed your excellent course! I’m not going back. Being a Rebel is much more fun

    1. Sober rebels are the best, right?! Congratulations on your 46 days Helen, I’m really pleased to hear you’re going to continue with this journey

  16. Very glad to have found this blog. Day 2 AF and very excited about new journey. I know it won’t be easy but this blog looks very encouraging and definitely the new way forward. Thank you

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