Kate's Blog

Why Kids Of All Ages Benefit From Having A Sober Mum

Have you seen that meme? The one that says, “The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink!”

Motherhood can be tough, no matter what age your kids are. If you struggle to imagine parenthood without the reward of wine at the end of the day, you’re not alone.

Over the years I’ve helped hundreds of mums ditch their wine o’clock habit. The benefits of being a sober mum – for them and their kids – have been astounding.

I asked some of them if it would be OK to share their experiences with you – and they said yes.

Watch the video above to hear from these fabulous sober mums:

“My children were a big reason why I started to think I have to do something about this. I felt like I was a terrible role model. Now my kids and husband all say the same thing – I’m more patient. I actually listen to them… I don’t shout anymore.

“I am definitely more present for them. I’m helping my son revise for his GCSEs.  I wouldn’t be able to do that of an evening if I was drinking. I’m a lot more patient. My daughter does an awful lot of gymnastics, which she needs picking up from in the evening. And of course I can do that. Whereas previously, how could I have picked up a child at 7.30pm, 8pm, four times a week and still drink?

“My children said I was very disconnected when I was drinking. I was also more emotional – overly emotional – and I hadn’t realised they’d noticed that. I thought I kept my drinking quite well hidden. After a point in the evening, once tea was out the way, it was my time to just numb out, and there was the disconnection.”

“I know we talk about playing the movie forward, but for me it was playing my life forward. At some point, hopefully I’m gonna be a grandma. And in my head I was like, ‘There’s no way on earth he [my son] is gonna want me to look after his kids.’ Why would he? Unless I do something. And that is my why really.”

“My kids can call me in the middle of the night. They can come in and wake me up. I am there for them, whatever. I’ve been very honest with them about all the mistakes that I’ve made. And in turn they can be honest with me about their mistakes. They know that I’m there for them.”

“Both my sons are incredibly proud of me, which makes me proud as well, ’cause they’re lovely, lovely boys. I do have regrets about when I was drinking. I wasn’t around mentally quite as much as I should have been. But kids are very resilient and they’re very forgiving.”

Need some help to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 

Comments

17 responses

  1. Both my children are grown. They are beautiful, successful people who are amazing thriving individuals. I began social drinking during their pre-teens and teens. This evolved into the nightly cocktail hour in their late teens/20s. Motherhood never stops….I’m thankful I stopped drinking last October as the drinking had progressed once I was an empty nester. I let both of them know I’m living an alcohol free lifestyle now. Such support! Forgiveness and understanding! The beauty of this is that we are more connected. I’m not too emotional. I’m actually “in the moment” enjoying once again the full benefits of being their Mom and a Grandma.

  2. I am 8 months sober and 70yrs old but not old, I have drank all of my life always in the evenings.
    I recently decided that I no longer got the buzz from alcohol that I used to get. I was drinking drinking drinking. After reading books This Naked Mind by Annie Grace twice or three times I came to a place of quitting and that is what I have done. Quit no wine o clock anymore I did it and have begun to listen to other people on this journey. It is never too late for anyone, I am taking one day at a time and entering the sober life and letting it lead me to freedom finally xx

    1. Good for you Christine, it’s never too late to find freedom from the alcohol trap and look after your health. 🙂

  3. I can relate to all the mums in the video I watched and I could see me in each story but I hope to change my life with out drinking as I feel so ashamed with myself
    I am now going to a group that enjoy sobriety and I have good support from them
    thanks for your messages I appreciate them I enjoy as it helps keep me grounded

    Kind Regards Kathleen

  4. I started my daily wine drinking when my daughter was just a few years old. Motherhood was so challenging for me, and I had a little support. I am now 14 months alcohol free, and my daughter is almost 23 years old. I have let go of the guilt I have carried around for years, and I’ve been able to make amends for all of the years where I was short tempered and over emotional and definitely not the best mom I could’ve been. My daughter used to give me gifts with wine references as well, and deep down, I was embarrassed about those .I thank you women so much for continuing to inspire me to stay sober .

    1. Fourteen months is amazing Anne, congratulations! Children are very resilient and just want to be loved, which is what Mums do best. ❤️ If you’re looking for more inspiration, have a listen to some previous students of mine and hear more evidence of the far reaching ripple effects of sobriety: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/

  5. I have seriously cut down my drinking since December and the patience and time I spend with my daughter now is so much better. It is calm, organised and quality rich.

  6. This video has really hit home for me, I’m at the beginning of the journey and have been back and for on whether I want to go completely sober or just learn more self control. But deep down I know its a sober life I want, and even more so after listening to this video. I can relate to everything all these mothers said and its extremely motivational to know i am not alone, and feel more empowered to do this now.

    1. It’s extremely hard to exercise control over a drug that is designed to make you lose control. This is why I recommend taking a decent break from drinking, whilst educating yourself about what alcohol can and cannot do for you. Details of my course are here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/

  7. Hi Kate, I don’t have kids but the video’s still struck a chord with me, especially about not hearing people. My husband says that I now listen to him properly when he tells me about his day and this is true. I remember being in a sort of wine fog most of the time and now I’m wide awake and can concentrate more. Feeling very positive as I have now stopped for 3 months. YAY!! Bless you and many thanks for your constant support.
    Gill.P. xx

    1. That’s exactly what it feels like; a wine fog! Congratulations on achieving clarity and better concentration, I’m sure your husband appreciates the change in your attention. ❤️

  8. There have been a number of occasions when I have had to much wine and probably made my kids feel ashamed of me I look back with regret . I love being the strong mum incontol and always there to help them with any thing they need thank you Kate

    1. Hi Kath, it’s great to hear how much you love being always there for your children now.I’m sure they love it too.

  9. Thank you so much Kate for all your support and understanding I was out with my husband for his Birthday and I did find it hard as I don’t really go out to pubs anymore but I read your helpful comments and tgod it passed. Thank you so much again Kate and girls. I’m good again now your help is amazing.

  10. I feel so ashamed that I’ve had my head in a bottle for most of my 3 children’s lives. Alway evening drinking when I thought they wouldn’t notice or think it relevant. I’m surebthey did tho and I can’t undo it. They are 39, 37 and 33 and despite the drink I know they love me. I’ve never told any one this.

    1. While you can’t alter the past, you can change the way you engage with your family moving forward. Successfully raising three children to adulthood is an impressive accomplishment, indicating you’ve done most things correctly!

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