You want to stop drinking, but there’s something on the calendar that’s getting in your way.
Maybe it’s a holiday. A wedding. A weekend away with the girls. Whatever it is, you just can’t imagine doing it sober.
So it makes total sense to delay any attempts at taking a break from drinking, right? Why stop drinking with a big, boozy occasion right around the corner?
The problem is, though, there’s always something coming up. And every time you wait, alcohol stays in charge of your diary a little bit longer.
But what if these moments might be your biggest opportunity – not your biggest obstacle?
That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.
Key points
That empty space on your calendar isn’t coming
When was the last time you had a long chunk of time with no events coming up, or anything that felt like a reason to drink? The only time most of us came close to that was during lockdown (and that led people to drink more, not less!) The truth is, there will always be a birthday, a holiday or an event… always something that feels like a reason to postpone.
Every time you wait, alcohol wins
If you allow yourself to drink at every party, every wedding, every big occasion, then you never find out what you’re actually capable of. The fear just stays, and those events become proof that you can’t do it, rather than proof that you can. Over time, it will seem less and less possible to change – and alcohol will stay in charge.
Big challenges = big breakthroughs
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Once you get through one challenging experience, everything shifts. You get real, lived evidence that you were wrong. (Yes, wrong!) That actually, you could do it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you feared. Once you have that knowledge, you start wondering what else you might have been wrong about…
Get the right help and support
Your brain loves to do the same thing over and over, so it will naturally resist doing anything different, such as not drinking on holiday. In fact, if you leave your brain unsupervised, it will focus on negative, unhelpful stuff, so it can say: “See! I told you this wouldn’t be as good sober!” This is where having the right support from someone like me can make all the difference (just check out what Jacky had to say about that in my video).
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
19 responses
Funny how things work out & how on target you are! Yesterday a friend and I went to the ballet here (we both sponsor dancers so we’re always there) and it just so happens neither of us drinks alcohol. A third friend joined us and when she saw we had water/tea said, “I’m so glad I don’t have to order wine and listen to people blabbling through the music, etc.” Note: drinkers usually do blab through the performance. It never occured to us that we were not drinking since we were not interested in any wine.
Hi Kate, I just recently got back from my vacation to Hawaii and I did not drink one drop of alcohol. I had some non-alcoholic beers and I’m feeling very proud of myself. I’m on day 22. ❤️ first time ever I went on vacation and not drink
Congratulations Evelyn and what an upgraded vacation you gave yourself. You should be very proud and ‘sober smug’. 🙂
I’ve found this so helpful I’ve loved feeling at the end of the evening I haven’t gone out and had a bottle and I’ve been through my finances a bottle of wine is as much as blouse from primary!
The financial cost is a no brainer when you calculate how much you spend in a week on alcohol! Not to mention the health benefits too. Here’s another blog I wrote on this topic that I think you might like: https://thesoberschool.com/the-most-overlooked-life-hack-stop-drinking-alcohol/
Hi Kate
I totally agree with this. It seems so so scary and weird to not drink at big occasions. But, I’ve just done my first sober holiday with a group of girl friends to Mallorca. I’m so proud of myself for not drinking! I didn’t actually miss it and had some lovely non alcoholic drinks and felt fresh on the Sunday when others were hanging. Even though I’ve done that I still have FOMO at the thought of not drinking at a destination wedding I have coming up. Any tips?
I totally get this Sarah, we are conditioned from an early age to accept that booze is essential to celebrations or socialising. But I can tell you from personal experience that an alcohol-free lifestyle has much more sparkle and fun!
You have some great evidence that a sober holiday is doable and you didn’t miss drinking, so try the same experiment at the wedding. You’ll be totally present for the most important reason of the day which is to celebrate the love of two people joining in matrimony and that’s beautiful. ❤️ No blurry memories spoiled by a toxic substance that takes away from the genuine purpose of the event.
Thank you!
Super stressful day Thursday. Despite 18 months AF just really wanted to open the prosecco.
Listened to your ‘pep talk’ I’d saved. Helped me calm and think. Didn’t feel great but got past moment.
Better now. Keeping going.
Thank you.
Well done you for handling a stressful day differently. The more times you do that, the association with opening a bottle reduces in your brain. It’s just a long practised habit and can be unlearned. I love this quote when times feel hard “This too shall pass”. Keep going D, you’re doing great! 🙂
You nailed it. I didn’t think I could cook dinner on my grill without alcohol. I didn’t know I could eat crabs with my friends without alcohol. I did and it was good. However, I still think of events and every day with alcohol at the forefront. I don’t think I have ever done six weeks sober unless I was in hospital. Thanks for the video. There are always excuses to drink, but the reasons not to are bigger.
Thank you! 🙂 I love the reframe “the reasons not to drink are bigger”. A good one to remember.
What I forgot … your blog of 10/28/2024 relates the issue of anxiety. This is what I do not miss! My point on Monday’s comment was that when I formerly attended events, wine managed to accompany me. I was anxious about wine I had had before the event, was there any available at the event and what about afterwards… This same anxious pattern not only messed up my skin & sleep patterns, but would have REALLY been an issue when I had radiation treatments for 10 days! Due to the supportive spirit of The Sober School and your skill I do not fear the unwanted guest as there is no way I’d trade AF to go back.
Thanks for your feedback Cynthia, and anxiety is often exacerbated by drinking so removing it is a huge step in the right direction to managing life successfully. Alcohol has no place in the human body and is harmful, so no reason to go back, period.
Hi Kate. I’m in the middle of moving house. A big downsize so lots of sorting and packing going on. I’m exhausted at the end of the day & just don’t feel I can do it without my crutch! Any thoughts?
My best tip would be to ensure you take care of your basic human needs during the day so you don’t feel exhausted and ready to reach for the wine as a reward. Make sure you take regular breaks, eat and drink properly so you don’t get hungry or thirsty which are big triggers that we often answer with alcohol when really, what your body needs is some water and energy replenishment.
Of course, you can always put your name on the list to join my next group coaching programme called Getting unstuck to get you ‘unstuck’ from the reliance on a crutch like alcohol. Here are the details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you for this interesting talk and Jacky’s story was inspirational. I nearly joined your course in January but decided to do it myself and stayed sober for 6 weeks. But then drank again and stopped and repeated! Then I nearly joined in April but did it myself again and lasted 8 days! So I definitely decided to join the next one in July, but I’m going on holiday in July and have a wedding on August 1st. So not a good time again! Or is it? Having listened to you I’m now thinking that this is exactly the right time. Sober holiday and sober wedding now seems interesting. And will be memorable.
Hi Gwyneth, I think it will be the perfect time to take the course. You’ll have myself and my team there to support you throughout both events. Experiencing holiday and weddings alcohol free takes the experience to another level, 100% more memorable for all the right reasons.
Thank you very much for your lovely reply.