It’s so sneaky, the way it happens.
You start thinking about opening a bottle of wine (or perhaps you’re already staring into an empty glass, wondering whether to have another…)
You’re distracted… so you don’t notice that a robbery is taking place.
Alcohol is quietly stealing genuine joy from you… but you might not even realise you’ve been robbed until much later on, because initially everything seems fine.
But alcohol is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, as I explain in this video.
Key points
How the robbery works
When you become convinced that alcohol brings with it genuine joy, you develop tunnel vision. You become less interested in other activities, because your primary focus is your next glass and whether you’ll be able to have as much as you want to. Without even realising it, you push aside other opportunities for happiness.
The next day, you feel hungover and remorseful. When you’re beating yourself up and feeling ill, the chances of experiencing spontaneous, organic joy are severely diminished. Plus, regular heavy drinking can disrupt the brain’s reward system, so the other things in life that should naturally bring you joy may not register in quite the same way. Suddenly, alcohol seems like the only bright light in the day.
You deserve genuine happiness
Can you see the trap here? When you turn to alcohol to feel good, you end up overlooking many of the other things in life that bring you genuine joy. Over time, repeated drinking can alter dopamine signalling and dull the brain’s response to everyday rewards, so those things won’t feel as satisfying as they once did.
Life needs to be about more than the liquid that is or isn’t in your glass. That cannot be the one thing you look forward to all day or the thing that your world revolves around. Because the more you do that, the smaller life gets.
When life is tough
I know there’ll be someone reading this who thinks: “But there genuinely is no joy in my life right now! If you had my life you’d want to drink through it too!” I understand that line of thinking, but the harsh reality is that drinking is keeping you stuck.
While you’re drinking, the thoughts you’re having about your challenging situation will be very hard to change. You probably won’t feel like taking any positive action or trying to figure out how to handle your life in another way… and so the cycle continues.
Fed up with alcohol stealing joy from your life? For help and support to break out of the alcohol trap, click here to find out more about Getting Unstuck, my online coaching programme.
16 responses
What you have written resonates. This week I’m determined to feel better… gym, healthy, tasty food without alcohol.
I’m really glad to hear how committed you are to feeling better and finding genuine joy again. Taking care of yourself is such an important first step, but it can feel lonely when you’re trying to navigate it all on your own. If you’d like a bit more support along the way, my online coaching programme could be a really good fit for you. Here are the details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you. I agree with absolutely everything you said. And from years of personal experience, I have caused myself to not be truly present for so much joy. I’m doing my best to change that. Life is so precious. Thank you for all you are doing for people like me.
You’re right – life is incredibly precious and the fact that you’re doing your best to be present for it says so much about your resilience.
I’m really glad my words resonated with you and I want you to know you don’t have to navigate this shift alone. I’m here to support you as you keep moving toward the joy and presence you deserve. My online course called Getting Unstuck would be the perfect next step for you. https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you for this post. It reminded me of a moment when it clicked in my head what alcohol was doing to my life. I had been out to a very nice restaurant with a group of people and the food was fabulous. I became so focused on trying different drinks that drinking became my focus. I took a few bites if my food and took the rest home. The next day feeling a bit hungover, I went to heat up my leftovers for lunch and just thought. “Wow. This is sad. I could have really enjoyed this last night when it was fresh and I had good company to enjoy the dinner with.”
Thanks for sharing this Kim; what a stark reminder of alcohol being the joy thief. 🙁
Thank you, Kate, Thanks to you, I can truthfully say that I used to feel this way; I used to do this all the time. Your sage videos showed me another way. Thank you for the gift of living alcohol-free.
You are most welcome Letitia; AF living is indeed the gift that keeps on giving. ❤️
Hi Kate, so resonates, i’m becoming reclusive, i’m nearly 70, which is scary in itself, but i’ve been on the wine trail for the last 10 years, but i don’t want to quit drinking for good, i just want to cut down. I know it is my own willpower that has to do this, but it ain’t easy, thanks for your video and your help , regards Linda x
The sneakiness of alcohol is that it always gives you more of what you don’t want. Instead of connection, it makes you reclusive. Relying on willpower is exhausting, which is why my approach works. Changing your mindset about alcohol is the key to unlocking the door and opening up a bright new perspective in your 70’s and beyond. 🙂 Have a listen to this blog that I think might really help you decide what to do next: https://thesoberschool.com/quit-drinking-forever/
I feel the same way I get all like it is so unfair everything is happening to everyone else not for me why am I stuck everyone leaving London I deserve a glass my phone used to have messages and calls and now it’s just nothing
When drinking feels like the only way to soothe difficult emotions, it’s completely understandable that the familiar pull of a glass of wine becomes hard to resist. That’s the cycle we slip into — using alcohol as the reward for simply getting through the hard moments and it keeps us feeling stuck. I wrote a blog about this specific topic, so I hope you find it helpful: https://thesoberschool.com/i-deserve-a-glass-of-wine-tonight/
If British citizens in your oeuvre could be nominated for the Pulitzer Prize this video should get it.
Ah thank you, that’s so kind. ❤️
Hello, still across the pond as we canceled our trip – projects at both homes, all good stuff esp. as wine is not the contractor! The section of the video about “going home to be able to drink as I wanted, unsupervised …” really brought back clear memories for me from over 25 years ago! Talk about dangerous! I used to avoid the company dinner together with/without drinks * after rehearsals/performance so I could sit at home with my own bottle(s) of red wine, esp. if my husband was on a business trip & I was alone. I would not only miss the comradeship, but a decent meal as I never bothered with takeaway – interfered with the wine. I see now after being sober 3 yrs.+ that I was allowing the “wolf” in. Blessings to you for recognizing, helping people get unstuck and keeping the rest of us happily on track.
*many professional dancers do not drink, for obvious reasons.
Thank you so much for sharing this — what a powerful reflection. I really appreciate your kind words. It’s inspiring to hear how clearly you can see those old patterns now, and how fully you’ve embraced your sober life. 🙂