I used to try really hard to ‘be good’ and stay sober from Monday to Thursday.
(I could get my head around staying alcohol free during the working week. But a sober Friday, Saturday and Sunday? That didn’t seem possible.)
Because I wasn’t ready to quit completely, being good during the week seemed like the next best thing.
But what I didn’t realise is that there’s a huge problem with Monday to Thursday sobriety – and that’s what I’m talking about in this video.
Key points
You’re repeating the hardest part over and over
The early days of not drinking are some of the toughest. When you only stop for four days at a time, you force yourself to experience them again and again and again. In a four-day window of sobriety, you barely get alcohol out of your system. And because it’s such a short window, you don’t get enough time to form new habits or have any breakthroughs.
Without realising it, you only ever experience the difficult bit and never reach the good days, because you don’t stick with it long enough. When I look back on my own struggle with alcohol, I can see what an unhelpful pattern I was in. No wonder sobriety felt miserable and unsustainable!
You’re teaching your brain that sobriety only works on “boring” days
If you’re only ever sober during the working week, you subconsciously teach yourself that alcohol-free living is only possible when you’re in a routine, at work and not doing anything fun. You’re treating sobriety like a strict diet – i.e. deprive yourself for a few days, then have a blowout at the weekend.
Long-term, successful sobriety happens when you realise you can live a full and happy life without alcohol, no matter what day it is. But in order for that breakthrough to happen, you do have to be willing to practise being alcohol-free at the weekend too.
You don’t get time to do the real work
When I was repeatedly stopping for a few days at a time, I never had time to work on my sobriety. All I could really do is cross my fingers and hope for the best! It was sheer willpower and a sense of “I really should do this” that got me through wine o’clock without drinking.
When you’re in this pattern, you don’t have time to get clear on why you’ve been drinking in the first place. You can’t tackle root causes, find new healthy coping mechanisms, work on your mindset or educate yourself about how alcohol affects your mind and body. There simply isn’t time.
So – is this pattern actually working for you?
When you’re in the thick of it, you don’t always get a moment to step back and ask yourself this question. I invite you to do this today. If you’re genuinely happy “being good” during the week and then drinking through every weekend, no problem. But if you’re not happy, it might be time to change things up by taking a longer break from drinking.
If that’s intimidating right now, it’s ok. But consider this: what if you weren’t doing this alone? What if you had support to handle things sober? This is what I help women with at The Sober School. What if you could actually feel so good on your not-drinking days that you genuinely wanted more of them? I promise this is possible for you – if it wasn’t, no one would choose to stay alcohol free!
Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.
8 responses
You are truly authentic and so brave in sharing your own experiences. I feel inspired after watching your video Kate. I am unhappy with my drinking and I have been so for a long time now. I hate change but it’s not working for me anymore. I also fear failure and I am very hard on myself if I trip up. I use drink to relax and to escape my busy mind, and drink more frequently since taking early retirement.
I discovered you and the sober school this a.m. whilst in bed nursing a hangover after a typical Sunday evening. It was the familiar pattern of “right!….I feel like shite so let’s do something about it”. So, I went on-line (again) looking for help etc., and I came across your work. I’m so glad I found out about you today, and for receiving this email. The 3 points you talked about make perfect sense. I’m going to watch it again so it sinks in! I feel a bit more hopeful. Thank you for the work you do Kate.
My approach is designed to empower you by learning what it is alcohol can and cannot do for you, whilst also challenging some of the socialised conditioning we’ve grown up believing. That way, you get to choose whether you want alcohol in your life if it’s not providing a benefit or service any longer. It’s not about quitting forever, but taking a decent break with support and guidance. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi Kate, I’m definitely in that routine of forcing myself not to drink week days and then breathing a sigh of relief when Friday comes around. That in itself worries and frustrates me. I have told you before that I was completely and happily sober for 100 days last year and then ‘fancied’ a glass of red wine on Christmas night, so I had it. It was a slow process getting back to my old drinking habits – but here I am. My reluctance in joining the course is investing that money in myself when I know I can so easily fall back into old habits, thereby wasting that money on a lost cause. I know you say to manage expectations and not say that I’ll stop forever but that is what I need to achieve and aim for that from the outset. Hope you enjoy your well deserved break. Thank you for your ongoing advice and kindness. Joanne x
You do deserve an investment in yourself and your future alcohol-free life is waiting for you. I promise you that ‘happily sober’ feeling is yours to enjoy with my help. Don’t take my word for it, listen to some previous students of mine who tell of their freedom from the alcohol trap here: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
Listen to her guys!!
She’s like your best friend
Love you
Bloody hard but do it 1 1/2 years!
Thanks Athene and well done on 1 1/2 years – awesome! 🙂
Just an idea as it happened to me: pay attention to your digestion; tannins in wine can cause problems. Two years or so ago, I was hospitalized with Ischemic colitis for 9 days. Alcohol did not cause the issue, but certainly exacerbated it, for sure, along with my low weight. While I was in the hospital I had an odd occurance one rainy afternoon of feeling something was being “wooshed out of me.” Anyway, I no longer wanted wine, or anything else. My stomach problem completely disappeared as if nothing had happened; clear colonoscopy. Weird right, or Divine intervention. Whichever one believes, tannins cause stomach aches, nausea, constipation, etc. I feel your school/blogs are valuable tools as other illnesses can surface if one starts up again with alcohol. Nine days was no picnic and certainly not worth even chancing another “tour of St. Vincent’s.”
Thanks for sharing your experience Cynthia. A stark reminder that alcohol is a toxin and the human body works hard to expel it because it causes inflammation, digestion problems and 7 types of cancer.