When I was drinking, I would often manage to “be good” during the week.
Staying sober from Monday to Thursday was pretty doable (most of the time). But not drinking at the weekend? That seemed impossible.
The thought of being sober on a Friday and Saturday night felt so hard.
If your sobriety comes unstuck every weekend, this video is for you.
Key points
Notice your thoughts
Our thoughts influence how we feel and then how we feel determines what we do (our actions). But it all starts with our thoughts. Notice how repeating the thought, “not drinking at the weekend is so hard” makes you feel. It’s not a great mantra!
Your brain’s filter
When you think the weekends are hard, your brain will subconsciously look for evidence that backs up your thinking and will filter out evidence that contradicts this. This is all thanks to a part of the brain called the reticular activating system.
Focus on a different thought
Here are some more helpful thoughts: “Weekends can be hard AND there are things that can be easy about them.” “Even during the toughest weekends there are easy moments.” “Hangover-free weekends are a lifestyle upgrade.” “Not drinking at the weekend is so simple.”
Prepare now
When you focus on more positive thoughts, your brain can start showing you a different side of the story. Start a list now of all the ways in which not drinking at the weekend is going to make life easier and better. Start talking sobriety up for once!
Do you want to stop drinking and actually feel good about it? Create an alcohol-free life you love with my Getting Unstuck course – you can find more details here.
43 responses
What made weekends easier for me was to plan a treat for myself on a Friday night, fresh bedding, new PJ’s, experimenting with mocktails, chocolate, a film or a good book. My reward was waking up on a Saturday morning after a proper good nights sleep feeling refreshed and energised for a great day. I’ve seen so many sunrises since I became sober and I still get excited every time. #1682 days, this course was the best gift I have given myself and my family. Thank you Kate.
That’s wonderful Sharon – what a way to start the weekend 🙂 It’s lovely to hear from you! ❤️
I will be able to go to the health club without being hung over! I can check out the stores! I can walk to the park.
Fantastic Sharon . 1682 days . I did the course in January 2022. Like you, I see it as a gift to myself . I’m 70 this year , so it’s never to late . I feel I’m living in the moment . I’m learning to prioritise and care for myself . I feel I’ve found myself . I feel kinder , less judgemental, grateful for little things that life has to offer. I better able to cope with the ‘stuff ‘ that life throws at us all at time . i can honestly say life is soooo much better sober . Thank you Kate , her team and all in the class of January 2022. We gave each other so much support . I still look back on the course when I’m having a ‘wobble ‘
Mary ,
Good for you ! Here in retired land there is much drinking and times for drinking . At 71 , here i struggle with “ if one is good then 4 is better “ drinking style .
If you can share how you got started that would be helpful. I have been following the blogs for many years with limited success. They have motivated me to reset for varying times . But , i would like to be done with drinking . Only so many days left
Hi Tina, without question it was the 6 week course .Like you I had dipped into Kate’s blog and tried to do it alone . The course , the wide issues covered , the realisation that ‘ just the one ‘ was never going to work for me . The group , the encouragement along the way . It was everything. I told no one close to me . Now I don’t make a big thing of it . I just don’t drink alcohol . I sleep better, I’m more energised , I’m ‘ present ‘ . I can’t recommend Kate’s course strongly enough . You owe it to yourself
Thank You Mary , sounds like you have a comfortable approach. Hopefully I will join you
Great video….thank you! Iam only 10 days in and worry about w/e’s. Its that feeling of sitting in the sunshine with a glass wine. This BH I really busied myself out with walking the dogs and riding my horse. Thoughts in your head can get magnified out of proportion. The actual doing is sometimes better than you imagined!
Kate you speak with so much insight. Some of the things you say is like a mirror image of myself.
this really made me think i like the fact you talk to people not lecture us
Thanks Karen 🙂
Thank you for the video about the weekends & not drinking. I need to find a way to cut down during the week. I don’t want to stop but just want to cut back & be in control of my drinking.
Hi Ann, how many times have you tried that already? My guess is, quite a few. I strongly encourage you to watch this: https://thesoberschool.com/control-drinking/
This video really resonates with me today as I’ve been sitting here thinking how hard next weekend will be as we’re going away for it. After listening to you I’m reframing my thoughts to how great it will be to get up each morning feeling well and being able to play with my granddaughter each day and go swimming with her. If I was drinking it would be hard to do. Im 35 days sober now and want to keep being sober. Thank you for your video.
Congratulations on your 35 days Carol! The time you’re going to spend with your granddaughter will be really special – you definitely don’t want alcohol getting in the way of that 🙂
Thank you
I love when you check in. I’m still sober since I said I’d stop wine, a couple months back.. A flavored after dinner tea helps when I sense a craving. What I’m not sure of though, is beer. I have not been out for a couple years to see a good country or rock bank, but I always like a couple light Buds when I do. That may still happen, but first I’ve got to get a social life! Ha! Seriously, sober weekends are so much lighter (I’m paraphrasing your words from your video) and you are right about using positive phrases. I like to think too, about how much money I free up to buy art supplies, or music, or a good book. And I treat myself to those interests as my reward to staying alcohol free.
Heineken Zero is a great NA alternative as is Sam Adams Nothing but the Haze
The idea of not ever drinking again fills me with total doubt that I will ever stop. I hate myself for the way it makes me feel.
I completely have the same problem. I wish I could self-moderate. A lifetime without booze feels like misery.
Hi Alicia,
I haven’t gone a whole week without drinking in yrs and yrs. I feel a slave to the booze , I’m getting desperate to get it out of my life, but I only feel that way the morning after, I always feel so anxious and depressed the nxt day, it doesn’t stop me from drinking dho
Hi Elsie, it sounds as if you could do with some support? This is a lot to figure out on your own. My Getting Unstuck course is the best way to work with me directly – then we can really dive into this together and look at the cycle you’re currently trapped in. I know we can unpick it for you. The Getting Unstuck coaching programme only runs a few times a year, but the next one is coming up in July. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi Alicia, it sounds like there might be a lot of romanticisation coming up for you around alcohol? That can really affect your mindset and make it hard to quit. It’s totally understandable that you think sobriety would be miserable in that case! If you’d like some help to take a break from drinking (note the focus on taking a break… it’s less overwhelming for the fearful part of your brain) I can totally help with that. Let me show you how to quit in a way that feels easy and empowering. The best way for us to work together is via my Getting Unstuck coaching programme. I’ve got some more details about that here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Iam on day 11 and I have to say reading and listening to you are a major help. Iam taking the approach that I it’s not I can’t drink but that I don’t want to. Iam finally getting a full night sleep after years of waking up at 3 am headache and angry with myself. Thankyou so much
Thank you Kate, for the pep talk, and yes, I’m still struggling with non drinking weekends. I haven’t given up it’s just taking a bit more challenging than I thought. I refer back to all of your videos for inspiration.
Keep going Jean!
This weekend will be my first alcohol free. It means not having that huge black cloud hanging over me physically and emotionally.
Having taken the decision to cut out alcohol I feel a weight lifted. I know there are going to be tough days I’m hoping by starting a journal I will finally be able to start living for me.
Congratulations Julie – it’s so good to see you getting started! Hangover free weekends are simply the best 🙂
Have you downloaded my pep talk to listen to? It might help in a tough moment. Here’s the link: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
I love the fact that if I don’t drink at the weekends I can do so much more and can drive anywhere instead of having to use /plan public transport around my drinking
Absolutely! Being able to jump in your car and drive home is just the best 🙂
Waking up hangover free on Saturday and Sunday morning is pure bliss!!! Any bit of envy I might have had the night before for people having a “few drinks “ is replaced with pure joy that I’m not hungover and sick as I know a lot of the so called casual drinkers will be.
Love this. No one ever wakes up wishing they had a hangover, that’s for sure!
Im on holiday this week so its a bit like a whole week of weekend, in the past holidays and weekends would be very booze focused which in retrospect just seems so limited, i love my alcohol free life, (18 months af now). I would never have believed that I would be enjoying life so much without booze but it is actually so much better, plans actually come together rather than just being drunken ideas you talk about doing , losing the depression that came after a heavy drinking weekend is still a real bonus, regaining all those lost Sundays where the hangover meant I couldn’t get off the sofa are one of the greatest gifts, I always wanted more time to do things in my life and being AF has definitely done that for me, I’ve gained so many extra days .
I’ve learned lots of great ideas and tips from your website and comments, thank you .
Congratulations on your 18 months Lesley! Enjoy your alcohol-free holiday – they are the best! Such an upgrade on the boozy, hungover alternative. Have fun 🙂
Thank you Kate. I’ve made a list.
1. Early Mornings
2. Park Run with my daughter
3. Yummy breakfasts
4. Beach Walks
5. Being able to drive everywhere without anxiety (I hate driving with a hangover!)
6. Remembering all the conversations I have with family and friends without having to stress about all the shitty things I might have blurted out.
That’s a great list Lisa. You deserve this kind of weekend – don’t alcohol take that from you 🙂
Thank you for this it’s like you knew it’s my 50th birthday this weekend and as I had been 3 months alcohol free have a spa hotel night away planned with my sisters who mostly don’t drink and delighted but I had a tough run with my dad’s dementia and covid and wine seemed the very thing at the end of tough days….obviously it was not and I am 5 days AF and after your video genuinely excited for a fresh weekend of sober fun. I have signed up for your course in July and plan to stay AF until then too, thank you again.
Wishing you a very happy birthday Tracy! Being alcohol-free for it will be a wonderful gift to yourself 🙂
Thanks to your sober school class, I am a non-drinker. Weekends are so much better! My plans are easier to make because everything doesn’t have to revolve around figuring out when to drink. This weekend we’re going out of town with family and after watching your video, I’m imagining what my thought process would have been cramming the drinking into the trip. No thanks, I’m free from that
I’m so happy to hear that Marcia! Have a fabulous weekend with your family, alcohol-free! ❤️
Hi Kate, As I have drank every night for years, it was like a full weekend for me. So I felt anxious, guilty , ashamed all of the time. Your car analogy is great, that’s exactly what happened when I bought my new car. This is my 3rd day without alcohol and I don’t just drink a few glasses. I still feel a bit tired when I wake up but for 2 mornings I have been disgusted with myself for not moderating, I have know for at least 10 months that I cannot do that. I still feel anxious but not as much and I feel a little bit proud of myself. The testing time for me is when I go to the supermarket or pass local shop, the witch will say, go on get a mini bottle or a few, no one will know. The comments from the other women really help. I so admire and aspire to be able to say I haven’t drank for the amount of days they have, so well done ladies. I am on your waiting list for July, hurry up July!
I look forward to working with you in July Jackie and helping this all feel a bit easier for you. Keep going! 🙂
You are so right love your voice really listen to you do well ,then I turn into a emu and totally disregard all that you have said and taught us and don’t know why? And get so upset hopefully on course in July want to be better x
I have just come across this, I have tried many time to quit, I want total sobriety. I found AA didn’t work for me, I don’t want to be labelled a recovering alcoholic for the rest of my life I want I want my family to be proud of me.