I used to try really hard to ‘be good’ and stay sober from Monday to Thursday.
(I could get my head around staying alcohol free during the working week. But a sober Friday, Saturday and Sunday? That didn’t seem possible).
Because I wasn’t ready to quit completely, being good during the week seemed like the next best thing.
What I didn’t realise is that there’s a huge problem with Monday to Thursday sobriety.
I explain more in this week’s video.
Key points
You’re repeating the hardest bit again and again
When you stop for just a few days at a time, you barely get alcohol out of your system, never mind giving yourself enough time to get into a rhythm or have a breakthrough. Without realising it, you’re repeating the toughest bit of sobriety over and over, so it’s no wonder that you think sobriety is unsustainable.
You’re treating sobriety like a diet
If you’re only ever sober during the working week, you teach your brain that alcohol-free living is only ever possible when you’re at work, in a routine and not doing anything fun. Long-term, successful sobriety happens when you realise that you can live a full and happy life without alcohol, no matter what day of the week it is.
You never get time for the deeper work
When you’re only ever stopping for a few days, you never have time to get clear on why you’ve been drinking, tackle some of the root causes, find new, healthy coping mechanisms, work on your mindset, tackle your limiting beliefs or educate yourself about alcohol and how it affects your mind and body.
Here’s a better idea
You don’t need to declare that you’re going to quit forever – that’s way too intimidating. But you do want to be able to experience sobriety properly and see what it’s really like. And that means taking a break from drinking for at least six weeks. Or a couple of months. That’s when you start to see what sobriety is really all about.
29 responses
That is what I do and this does make sense
Thank you Kate! This was a perfect message as I start a new week. I truly have never given long term sobriety a chance. Now I am committed for 12 weeks.
Almost 4 months. I like waking up without a smashing headache. I enjoy talking with my son and his girlfriend without being afraid I’m going to get upset or mean
Glad this resonated with you Martha 🙂
Kate – I was stuck in that cycle of only drinking on the weekends. I have taken several extended alcohol free breaks (30, 60 and up to 100 days). Afterwards, I review and decide that I can “moderate” going forward. Sadly, that never works for me. I’m really trying to figure out how to go a long period of time and then make it stick.
Moderation rarely works as you’ve discovered Cyndi. There is a very good reason my online course is called “Getting Unstuck” because it finally releases you from the alcohol trap and my final class of 2022 is about to start in early October, so find out more here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thanks for the thoughtful post here! I’m trying to work out if I have an issue with alcohol. I think I am a moderate drinker but I do drink regularly. 1 beer each evening while I’m cooking my dinner. I’ve been reflecting on it though and wondering why I do it – habit, taking the edge off my anxiety. Something like that. I don’t think I want to quit it entirely. I do enjoy a drink socially, but do think I ought to cut back overall consumption. In your view is no amount of drinking okay? Or just not for those who have had a harmful addiction with it. I don’t think I’d put myself in that camp, but it has become a habit. My mum drinks too much, and seeing her do it really puts me off drinking when I’m with her.
Hi Ed, there is no safe amount of alcohol that does not affect health, according to The World Health Organization, January 2023. I guess you would have to ask if you are happy with your level of drinking. I think you might find this blog of mine helpful https://thesoberschool.com/control-drinking/
You are so right. I tried the booze free weekdays a ton of times. I usually gave in my Wednesday. I’m 37 days booze free now and the first couple of weekends were tough. Still a long way to go.
A great start Nicola, congratulations on your 37 days! Have a listen to some of my previous students’ experiences; I think you’ll find them inspiring: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
Moderation doesn’t work for a lot of us. I’m jealous of people that can “take it or leave it”. I’m not one of them.
80 days sober after joining Kates course back in July.
I too envied people who could be disciplined to stop and start drinking but I’m not one of those people.
I just love waking everyday with a clear head. Life is so less stressful. And I’m proud of myself! Couldn’t have done it without the help Kate and her team gave me in the first 6 weeks.
Congratulations, the benefits keep on coming. Sounds like sobriety suits you Ruth!
This is me all over. Monday to Thursday I keep myself busy and hit the gym.. Fridays can spiral out of control pretty quick after work even when I know we have an early start or plans the following day/ evening.. I do it all again Saturday., only to spend Sunday hardly moving off the sofa . Weekend has gone in a boozy blur and sketchy Sunday. BUT.. 3 day weekend sober this weekend. It has already made a difference to my belief in myself..
Self belief is very powerful and your ‘experiment’ of a sober weekend will help to reinforce that belief – fantastic!
I do that . Get à bottle Friday and Saturday, sometimes Sunday. Your making me think about what you said. I’ll try this weekend, keep me in prayer
Reframing our thoughts is the first step to making a change, so I’m glad the blog made you think. Have a listen to my free pap talk if you need some extra motivation: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk-audio/
Hi ! I am often in that treadmill of “school nights” off-then drinking Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Problem is-I don’t find those days off “tough”. I actually enjoy them, and enjoy the break from Alcohol. Trouble is-by Friday I am craving and looking forward to my glass (bottle!) of wine.
I participated in “Dry January” for the last couple years. I really don’t feel much different than when I dunk-and am looking forward to the end of my “sobriety” at the end of the month…
Think I’m hopeless!!
First of all, no-one is hopeless and you’ve proved to yourself that alcohol-free days are enjoyable. The key to making it stick longer than a few days is giving sobriety a proper chance, whilst working on our mindset and educating ourselves about what alcohol can and cannot do for us; that’s where the magic happens! Have a listen to some of the success stories of my students for the truth around getting off the merry-go-round: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
I rarely do Sunday but have rarely had Friday to Saturday off. Those 2 days set me back big time, particularly with weight loss. Struggle is real !
This all totally makes complete sense. I’m committed now, just abit concerned going on Holidays in 4 weeks. I’ll be stronger then and looking forward to the challenge now I’m gaining more tools throught Kate’s Classes. Thank You
You’re welcome Patsy, glad the blogs are helping. You deserve the best break ever, so have a listen to this first: https://thesoberschool.com/alcohol-free-holiday-this-year/
I used to drink most days of the week and to begin with found not drinking Mon to Thurs a real challenge. Now I find it easy, but I’d say I drink even more on Friday than I used to! I look forward to that first drink so much but then often, no matter how much I say I won’t, I end up having far too much and then hate myself for wasting the following day. It’s madness isn’t it to enjoy how good the sober days feel (better sleep, more energy etc) and then spoil it all in one evening over and over again.
It’s easy to forget that alcohol is addictive, so it’s not the user that’s the problem – it’s the substance! We don’t tell smokers that they should be able to cut down or control themselves better, but we do with alcohol – weird right?
Oh, if I could even get to that point, I’d be happy.
I would love to hear more about this and why people do this- and why they also justify their actions on the weekends, because they do stay sober from Sunday-Thursday. This is my first time seeing someone talk about this subject. I need a DEEP DIVE! Lol. But, seriously.
I cover this and many other ‘myths’ that we fall for in my Getting Unstuck course that runs a few times each year. Find out more here and put your name on the waitlist for the next one: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Hi Kate just found you whilst googling ‘want to stop drinking’ … so I used to go back n forth with drinking stay off for 4 weeks then back on but just lately and going through the menopause I found I have been craving wine a lot more, my biggest problem is my husband drinks every night and there is always lots of wine spirits in the house and it’s like our way of letting out hair down as we both have stressful jobs. I have wanted to stop for a while now but never really achieved anything. So although I am willing to try I think my husband will do all he can to get me back on it cos he will lose his drinking buddy ?
I work with a lot of women whose partners or spouse don’t support their decision to stop drinking or try to tempt them to have just one? I’ve written a blog about this exact subject that I think you’ll find enlightening: https://thesoberschool.com/i-want-to-quit-but-my-partner-still-drinks/