When I first quit drinking, I kept thinking about everything I’d lost.
I used to wonder – will I ever get used to this? Will it always feel like something is missing?
I was so caught up in these thoughts I nearly missed what was happening right in front of my eyes.
Alcohol-free living had (quietly) started to give me more choices than I had before.
It gave me freedom. Options.
Sobriety isn’t about what you’re losing – it’s about what you’re gaining.
I explain all in this video:
Key points:
Where is your focus?
When we think about sobriety, we naturally tend to zoom in on the thing that’s gone away – the alcohol. Right from the get-go, we’re in a deprivation mindset. We can be so focused on what’s gone and what we’ve lost, we miss the freedom that’s come into our lives in its place.
Practical choices and freedoms
When you’re not drinking, you can spend your money just how you want to, because you don’t have to keep fuelling your habit. You get the option of starting your day right and waking up exactly when you plan to (not at 4am!)
You can jump in the car at any time of night and call friends without worrying if they can tell you’re drinking. When you’re with others, you have the freedom to be totally focused on the present moment, rather than wondering where your next drink is coming from.
A free mind
When you’re sober, you are free from the decision hell that comes with using a drug like alcohol and trying to control your intake of it. This extra brain space gives you so many choices and options to do more and be the person you want to be.
Lockdown freedom
Now more than ever, we need to be making lifestyle choices that give us maximum freedom. Alcohol puts you in a little prison – a mini lockdown of its own making, where it takes options away from you. None of us need that.
If you’d love some help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online course.
68 Responses
Kate – this is brilliant! I’ve been AF (because of your course) for a little over four years. My dad went to the emergency room in the middle of the night this past week and I had to drive 2 1/2 hours to get there. In past years, I would’ve had a bottle of wine in me and either not able to drive, or I would have made the awful choice to drive drunk. Either way, I would not have been able to help. This life is so much better! Yes, I still feel things, but being able to be a functioning, helpful daughter is everything. Thank you.
Wow – that is a very powerful example of being able to show up for the people you care about, when it matters. I hope your Dad is doing ok, Lisa. And congratulations on your 4 years! It’s always good to hear from you! 🙂
Hi Kate as of June 1st I will be 100 days AF. I am so grateful for your website and blogs they have given me so much insight and encouragement. I dont miss the hangovers and waking up at 4am feeling like hell. Now I sleep through the night and wake up feeling energized and good about myself. Thank you AF is here to stay.
That is wonderful Shelia. Congratulations on your upcoming 100 days! 🙂
Its day 1…thanks for the inspiration
No problem Kathy. If you need some help and support on your alcohol free journey, definitely check out my stop drinking course – it’s online so you can do it from the privacy of your home. Here are some details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Keep going! 🙂
I’m day 15, but every day when I wake up and realise I’ve managed another AF day I’m so incredibly happy instead of ashamed because I’ve drunk to excess again. With your emails etc I’m feeling so positive and the future looks brighter. Thank you
Excellent! Keep going Georgina 🙂
Day 12 for me
Ok so it’s day 13 I feel like it’s the honeymoon phase I’m so afraid the wine witch is going to come veer her ugly head tonight. First night I’ll be alone, as my boyfriend is out of town tonight. I’m kind of worried.
Keep going Cynthia! Have you downloaded my pep talk yet? I think it will help you: https://thesoberschool.lpages.co/pep-talk-opt-in/
I did download it, I worked out again today then had acupuncture to help with my anxiety and stress, feeling better tonight! Looking forward to a good nights sleep! I will be watching my precious grandkids tomorrow and I’m glad I won’t have a hangover!
Day 45, most interesting thing so far is how uncomfortable others are with my choices. Tea is fine for me, it seems to make others very twitchy. Last week, one family member offered me 4 different alcohol options after I’d clearly said that all I wanted was a cup of tea. Sleep isn’t going so well, I suspect my caffeine consumption has increased as I’ve been drinking more tea and is affecting sleep.
I love this perspective. I have so many choices now I’m not a slave to that wine witch!! I feel like I’m back in charge of my life, not alcohol.
Well done on beating the wine witch Leanne! 🙂
I am still drinking…..my current life situation is unfortunately holding me back….but this will be changing soon…and I hope iwill be able to move forward and obtain sobriety…am very much looking forward to your course…my other alternative is rehab…
Keep going Jennifer. I look forward to working with you in July – hang on in there 🙂
Thank you it’s been 9 days and I feel and look better then I have in awhile! It’s really not been that bad, I’ve set my mind too it and know I’ve made right decision! Love your weekly inspirations!
Fantastic – congratulations on your 9 days Tasha!
I now have time and energy back, life is so much easier and calmwe. Taking your course was one of the best things I have ever done, day 975. Thank you Kate
Wow… so close to 1000 days Sharon! That is crazy. It’s great to hear from and know that life is good. I’m so pleased about that ❤️
Great post, Kate. I relate so much to what you say here. Thank you.
No problem Karen. Wishing you a happy, hangover-free week! 🙂
There are so many decisions to make right now—and, really, always!—so it’s so nice not to worry about all those decisions concerning when and what to drink anymore. It truly makes life easier. The best part is knowing I’ll be ready in case of any emergency. My little ones are so active—my youngest got stitches at age 2, and we blow through bandages like we’re a hospital—and there have been several health scares with my parents when I was so grateful to be sober in order to help out in any way possible.
It’s such a relief to be AF and know you can make those decisions and deal with whatever life throws at you. It certainly sounds like your family are keeping you busy Nat! 🙂
Day 1 today. Everything you say makes total sense to me. Its almost as if it’s directed right at me, there ideas thinking I was the only one. Thankyou looking forward to July but must start now.
I’m gad this resonated with you Nicole. Wishing you all the best on your alcohol free journey – it’s so worth it!
I’ve tried but can’t. I don’t know what to do. I’ve watched vlog, read blog and I get to day 6 and fail. It seems like every day tasks will be impossible without a drink. My partner hates me for drinking. I honestly don’t know what to do x
Hi Kate, it sounds like you could do with some support and a bit more help – some daily advice and someone to speak to? If you’re looking for this kind of help to get you past day 6 (and far beyond!) I’d be happy to help. The best way for us to work together will be via my course. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
And check out these videos for inspiration! https://thesoberschool.com/reviews/
I know that with the right strategy and support system, you can absolutely do this too.
Almost 6 months AF thanks to Kate’s blogs and everyone’s posts. As time goes on, I think about alcohol less and less, and realise how much more I’m achieving. Being AF is honestly the most liberating choice I’ve made.
That’s fantastic Vicki – many congratulations to you! It really is a liberating choice. Feels good, right? 🙂
The things I am loving about being sober include: feeling like I am actually in control and I am not a slave to alcohol, waking up not feeling anxious, guilty and regretful, realising that I can have a good time with friends whilst they are drinking and not have major FOMO, having flexibility, feeling stronger mentally and psychically, not thinking about what, when and how I am going to drink in the evening. I have been a long time drinker and this year, largely due to Sober School inspiration, I took a 2 month break from booze Jan/Feb and now I am in the middle of another 2 month break and plan on another later in the year or perhaps even just stay sober! I have my moments no doubt, and particularly in these existentially challenging times, but I work through those thoughts and they do pass.
What a great post – there’s so much to love about this! Congratulations Mary! 🙂
Thanks Kate and I meant feeling physically better not psychically ha ha but maybe that too?
Kate, I just finished your course and am now in your Sober School Club. I have had a couple of slips since the April 6th start date but your class teaches me more about my options and freedoms every day.
I feel like I have barely scratched the surface on how much this is going to change and improve my life. Thank you so much.
Keep going Pamela – keep moving forward. You can do this 🙂
Thanks Kate! Alcohol is a prison. It literally keeps you from feeling and doing your best. It completely zaps your mental and physical energy. I am so grateful to have found The Sober School. AF is the way to go!
It is… AF living is the best! Hope you’re well Melissa 🙂
I am getting my life back! I’m just 52 days AF thanks to your course, Kate, but I feel better than I have in a long time. Last night we had a social distance firepit with our neighbors and I didn’t drink, didn’t feel I needed or wanted to, and the results are tremendous. I went to bed alert and aware, slept well, woke refreshed, hiked with family, and just finished a run. NEVER would have been able to do those things if I’d been drinking last night. It would have hijacked my evening and all day today until I started drinking again to ease the discomfort.
Well done Christina! I love all the things you gained from staying alcohol free. And many congratulations on your 52 days. I’m so pleased for you ❤️
Thanks you The Sober School I am 70 day AF. My desire for alcohol is almost nonexistent. Things I’m now enjoying are sleep filled nights, morning of clarity and there certainly seems to be more hours in the day. I’ve got a challenge coming up next week. We’ve got 4 days on a houseboat floating in the St Johns River. A few of our group drink but a few have some sober time under their belt. So I’m gonna try to hang with them during the witching hour. I’m pretty confident I’ll be ok. And I’m taking my Sober School journal along for back up.
It’s great to know there will be some other non drinkers there. I hope you have a brilliant time, Nancy – I think you’re ready for this! ❤️
I’m approaching 2 years AF thanks to Kate’s fantastic course (after being a slave to the wine witch for over 40 years) and can truly recommend that alcohol free living is the best! The freedom feels amazing, and to be in charge of my health and well-being, physically, mentally and spiritually, is so empowering. Forever grateful!
Nearly 2 years already, wow! Always so good to hear from you Cindy. You sound in a very good place! ❤️
Waking up with a clear head….and being far more creative and productive
Not worrying what I sad last night, or who I called!
Oh dear, the list could go on!
Thanks Kate, am from your pandemic class….still going strong, and hopefully have kicked the shitty poison to touch…
I’m so proud of my pandemic group – and I’m delighted to hear you’re still going strong Donna! Going back to drinking now would mean giving up so much, right? 🙂
I am 141 days free of alcohol (ethanol!) thanks to The Sober School! I honestly do not even think about alcohol anymore (despite it always being readily available in my household for my husband). My life is authentic now and I am able to treasure every special moment with my gorgeous young daughter that I would otherwise have lived to regret.
Alcohol stole so much from me for many years. Previous attempts to quit without support were unsuccessful. The decision to join the Sober School course was the best decision I have made for a long time! I invested in myself and it has paid off! I am liberated from alcohol and am now able to make many more positive decisions to further improve my life. One life, live it …. don’t drown in it!
Wonderful – what a happy and inspiring post from you Melissa. Many congratulations on your 141 days. You are free!! ❤️
Truly motivating and inspiring video, Kate. You made me happy not to drink today. You really have great delivery of your message. And also thought the video itself was beautifully shot. Well done! And many thanks! From Canada.
Thanks Leslie – it was a beautiful day to be filming! I’m glad this inspired you not to drink today. Keep going 🙂
I feel better not drinking, but have random splurges. I am trying to see if my home life is the problem or if I’m using it as an excuse. I have had 8 back surgeries “only 51” I died after the 7 th one the day I was going home my kids had to be called from college etc. story goes on…. I have been so active teaching spin , tough mudders, etc. I’m so frustrated I feel guilty for what I put my family through, it’s Hard not to drink to get through it. But, I’m on it!
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot Renata. But I guess this always comes back to this: is alcohol really helping you? I have another video about drinking to cope here: https://thesoberschool.com/drinking-through-a-crisis/
Hope that helps.
Wrapping up day 50 and feeling especially wonderful because this day marks the first holiday in over thirty years that wasn’t centered around booze. Hubs and I were able to safely travel to visit his sister and her husband over the long weekend. It was a very restful and quiet time. Everyone else had drinks in the evening and I was surprised to find how easy it was for me to abstain. Certainly, I felt a couple twangs here and there, but all I had to do was play the movie forward, honestly realize where I would end up, and the choice not to drink came very easily. So far, what I’m enjoying the most is being able to trust myself. No more morning lies sessions with myself in the shower. No more trying to remember the events of the night before. I am loving this sober life and couldn’t have done it without you, Kate! Attending The Sober School is by far the best decision and investment I have made for myself in years. Trucking onto day 100!
PS – I was also very pleased to crack a couple good jokes and not slur or stumble!
The ‘morning lies sessions’ is a great description. All those promises made early on, the broken later in the day – I did that many times myself. I’m so pleased to hear you’re in a better place Katie and on 50 days AF! This sounds like a weekend to be proud of!
Day 80 for me. so pleased. but need to keep going and not slip up. anxiety is much less. fingers crossed i can keep going.
Congratulations on your 80 days Lucy. That’s fantastic, well done 🙂
First Memorial Day AF. Sober for 37 days. It was one of my greatest fears when I was thinking of giving up alcohol, how to handle holidays and everyone else drinking. When asked if I wanted a glass of wine, it wasn’t hard or awkward to say, “just water thanks”. Very grateful to wake up fresh this morning, full of energy and life.
You did it! Well done – you overcame a real challenge there. Congratulations on your 37 days 🙂
I came across you site last week and I have struggled with alcohol for years. With the lockdown it gave me far greater opportunity to drink. I could see other people doing all these great things with their extra spare time like yoga and learning new things and
I was just getting drunk and the psychological turmoil was really starting to drive me insane . So I listened to everything that you had made available. To my surprise a week later and I haven’t had a drink!
I’m getting up early to walk the dog, getting through the day clearing a room, gardening etc and at 5pm getting out the door again with the dog for an extra long walk.
Loving not being past out on the sofa by 7pm
Looking forward to starting a course with you when it becomes available next xx
Well done Louise – congratulations on your alcohol free week! That is brilliant 🙂
Not sure if I am replying to the comment or to Katie just starting this venture today. But have read this last comment it’s exactly me drinking getting more out of control during the pandemic…. And found Katie’s website on Facebook and already was one day alcohol-free yesterday and I’m excited to participate in October I wish it were sooner but hopefully your blogs and other things will help sustain me until October… I am actually excited and motivated more than I’ve ever been after listening to Katie and everyone’s comments on how it’s been working for them
Day 1 Kate. So could really use the support. Feeling awful again and so depressed.
I’m going to do this.
Thank you.
Go for it Ashling! If you’re looking for more help and support beyond what I share in these mini videos, definitely check out my online course here: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I’ve really enjoyed your blogs especially your point about making the days better. I was the busy busy busy wine o’clock mum you described. I’ve signed up for your course and not had a drink for over two weeks now. This is a long time for me. I feel so much more energy and patience as a mum.Not drinking is making the days better. Thankyou Kate your understanding , enlightenment and contact has made this change happen for me Thankyou
Congratulations on your 2 weeks Zoe! Well done 🙂
I am literally on day 4 of attempting no alcohol, initially just over the school holidays, but hopefully beyond(although I don’t want to think too far ahead just yet)
After wasting an entire weekend due to a work’s night out on Friday due to a terrible hangover ( worst one for a long time) I have decided to give this a go….
Congratulations on your 4 days Rachel. Wishing you all the best on your alcohol free journey! 🙂
This is such a great topic, and I really liked how you presented this. For the past 10 years I have worked as a coach in the area of weight loss and I often encouraged members to focus on what they should and can eat, what nourishes them, rather than what they shouldn’t eat. So this talk resonated with me. Today it is 8 months AF for me, and I have been thinking of all the things I have been really enjoying. It’s hot, so I have been enjoying soaking in the tub after getting sweaty outdoors; I have been making hibiscus tea and enjoying it iced, I’ve been reading and listening to mellow music. The pandemic has actually not been too bad a thing in my life because I am not dining out, my weak zone with drinking. BTW, I realize that I am very lucky to be able to say that, I know so many people worldwide have had very difficult times due to this pandemic I was glad that I had a few months AF under my belt before we began isolating. Initially, I thought I missed wine to take the edge off my anxiety about it, but I think the time out from socializing reduced my desire to fall back into it. I am still learning, but feeling better the further along I get. I am grateful for every night’s sleep, and for every morning that I feel good waking up, and for every day that I haven’t felt like I have had to drag myself through feeling sluggish and beaten up. I truly feel that a prolonged break was absolutely necessary for me to get the perspective that it is easier for me to not start than to stop after I started. “No” is easier than “No more” for me. Thank you for the encouragement!