Kate's Blog

Frazzled? Here’s Why You’re Reaching For Wine

You know those days when you’re flat out from morning to night? Running around, trying to keep on top of things…

And yet the to-do list never quite gets done. By the evening, you still haven’t had a single moment to yourself.

That’s when the thought creeps in: I need a glass of wine. I deserve one.

Sound familiar? If a drink is the only reward you’re going to get today, this video might be just what you need to hear right now. 

Key points

When you’re craving wine after a manic day, most of the time you’re not really craving alcohol. You’re actually craving something much deeper: maybe joy, pleasure, fun or happiness. That glass of wine feels like your reward and your prize for getting through a tough day. It might be the only moment of joy you get (which makes giving it up feel extra tough).

Obviously, you totally deserve joy and pleasure. But when we use alcohol to supply this, there are two big problems. First, there are the obvious downsides – the hangovers, the regret, the way drinking affects your physical and mental health the next day. None of that is particularly joyful. But here’s the second problem: when you keep turning to alcohol for pleasure, it’s as if you start wearing blinkers. Nothing else seems as good as that glass of wine. 

When you have your blinkers on, you stop noticing the other enjoyable moments in your day because you’re so focused on that evening reward. It’s as if you’re on a track where joy only comes from drinking. Nothing else seems as important as that glass. You dismiss other opportunities for fun because you’ve got your head down, pushing through, trying to get to that glass of wine at the end of the day. 

When you’re in the middle of a crazy day, it seems as if things would be so much better if only you could get through everything. But more often than not, your to-do list is too long for you to get everything done, so that peace never comes! And on the rare occasions you do get through it all, you’re so wound up afterwards, you end up reaching for wine to help you decompress from it all.

I invite you to experiment with adding tiny moments of joy and happiness throughout your day, rather than saving all your rewards for wine o’clock. Take a moment to pause and enjoy your coffee in the garden. Notice the feeling of the sun on your face at lunchtime. (What else could you do to slow down more during the day and add in more joy?) Think: simple pleasures. When you’re not so drained and frazzled by the evening, you’ll be less reliant on wine to help you unwind. Give it a try and let me know how you get on.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 

Comments

12 responses

  1. I did this yesterday! I am 6wks AF and have worked very hard to get here. (I use your “Movie tactic” also asking myself what I really need.)And simply can’t go back.Whats happened now is my 92 mom fell 3x in the last 3 wks, I’m the only carer.My days are stressful&I know the danger I’m in to be tempted to drink at the end of day.I find mindfulness & planning ahead are absolutely key. Don’t wait. When I get in the car I sit & think “what would be a good treat for myself later?” A fizzy drink, tea, going to a store to just browse, chat up cashiers, change of scenery, a puzzle or just sitting. I hate to use food as a reward but ANYTHING is better than alcohol. Just stopping to look up at the sky and listening to birdsong is awesome help, as is cuddling my cats. Even watching them groom is soothing! Yes. Simple things, and extreme gratefulness for every one of them! Thanks Kate!

    1. This is fantastic Jeannie, well done for creating those moments of reward in your day for yourself. Simple but very effective.

  2. This post really resonated with me, Kate. I want to try to relax more during the day instead of feeling I must be doing something. I am retired and can choose how I plan my day, but find it hard to relax until evening, when I usually feel like a glass of wine with my evening meal, which is a well established habit of many years. I recently had three months alcohol free but then had a glass to celebrate somebody’s birthday and then started drinking again. I don’t drink excessively, but just don’t like the pull of alcohol. I have found AF white wine quite acceptable and this really helps. So my plan is to relax more during the day, listen to the birds etc. and then if I’m more relaxed during the day I am less likely to want wine. I have noticed that the more stressed I feel the more I am likely to want a drink. Thank you for your posts.

    1. Hi Mary, I’m so pleased this blog has resonated with you. Finding those calm, quiet moments during the day really helps keep life a little more balanced.

  3. Been sober since 6 May 2024. Thanks to Sober School and Kate Bee and the Team that support the group. Couldn’t have done it on my own. Loving my Sober life and enjoying it 100%. No going back

  4. All I can say is thank you . Only just started long journey ahead . Your videos and emails really help

  5. This hits the nail on the head. I’m fine and can say no to alcohol until life gets busy and overwhelming and my brain forgets to look at the forest for the trees. June is particularly hard, with end-of-school events and ramped up kids’ activities. Kind of like December, with all the additional commitments and work involved in making the holiday happen. So exhausting and depleting. This is such a good reminder to slow down and care for me throughout it all, and I just might just start to love June. The flowers, the birds, the sun… Thank you. x

    1. Hi Andrea, Giving yourself permission to slow down and look after yourself at some point in the day means you’re less likely to reach that frazzled point you describe.

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