In our boozy world, alcohol and celebration tend to go hand in hand. So how do you stay sober at a wedding or summer party AND still have fun with everyone else?
For some, the idea of not drinking at these events feels so daunting, they put their alcohol-free goals on hold until temptation has passed…
But months can slip by as you wait for all the weddings, BBQs and summer parties to come and go. There’s always something on the horizon, right?
I hope today’s blog inspires you to take action and stick with sobriety, no matter how busy your social calendar is!
Key points:
Decide you’re not going to drink before you go
Don’t “wait and see” how you feel when you get there, or tell yourself that you’re going to “try” to be good. When you do that, all that happens is you go back and forth over whether or not to drink (which is tiring for your brain), before you eventually give in. A “maybe” is nearly always a yes. None of these other tips will really help you, unless you start with a firm decision that you’re not going to drink.
Spend some time thinking about your bad experiences!
Because we’re conditioned to see alcohol as fun in a bottle, we tend to keep playing pro-booze tapes in our head. We relive the good times over and over, whilst conveniently overlooking all the other evidence we have about how alcohol often backfires on us. Think about those times when you’ve been drinking and still felt bored. Or awkward. Or something terrible happened. Remember – drinking at a boring wedding just means you’re drunk at a boring wedding.
Plan how you’ll turn down booze
Chances are you’ll be offered it at some point. So what will you say? You could drive – that’s always a great reason. Or say that you’re not drinking at the moment. You could tell people you’re taking a break from alcohol because it’s ruining your sleep or giving you migraines. You’ll be amazed how many people just accept that because that makes sense to them. Remember – if someone does give you a hard time about this, it says more about them than you.
Watch out for your brain telling you stories!
Your brain likes patterns and routines. It likes to do the same thing over and over again because that’s easy and familiar, so watch out for thoughts like, “Everyone else is drinking, you’re the only one who’s not!” Unless you’ve carried out a comprehensive survey of all the wedding guests, you don’t know what everyone else is drinking. That could be champagne in their glass or it could be fizzy elderflower or an alcohol-free prosecco: they all look the same.
Collect your data
You wouldn’t trust a scientist who carries out one test on one person and then draws a conclusion from that, right? In the same way, you can’t go to one wedding and then come back and say, “Sober weddings are terrible!” You need to collect your data. You might not be going to that many weddings this summer, but when you add in other events, parties and BBQs, you probably are going to have enough data to draw some conclusions – if you stay sober and give alcohol-free living a proper chance!
23 responses
I got married in 2022 and decided not to drink on my wedding day. I’m still very proud of this decision as I can remember it all perfectly. I also wanted to look my best in the photos which I like to think I achieved!
What a wonderful wedding gift to give to yourself Emma! Beautiful memories of a beautiful day. ❤️
Very helpful and this is now week 13 since being summer sober. Been to my first Summer BBQ with free drinks and honestly didn’t tempt me all evening, stuck to 2 diet cokes. Also had my first house BBQ recently and did buy wine for guests and didn’t touch it… Kate your videos, blogs etc are extremely well received. Jacqui
Well done, Jacqui, enjoying a summer without alcohol is truly delightful. It’s wonderful to know that my videos and blogs have contributed to your enjoyment and happiness this year. 🙂
Kate you really are inspiring.
I am almost 5 months alcohol free, its not been easy , lots has happened during the last 5 months that would have normally driven to turn to the wine.
I attended my first summer bbq today, I took my own alcohol free drinks , which was a help, because I knew I liked them ,so no excuse to fall off the wagon because I hadn’t got a drink to hand that I liked!
I really enjoyed the company and it was really refreshing to be the sober one for a change!
I had a great time, your advice and guidance on how to handle these accasions, is brilliant, getting into the right frame of mind os so important, because it is inevitable you will meet at least one person who remembers how much you enjoyed a few glasses in the past, and will try to encourage you to join them having a glass of wine.
I cant wait to join the course in September, infact the start date falls on the first day of my holiday to an all inclusive hotel, so it couldn’t come at a better time.
This isn’t easy at times , but anything worth achieving never came easy . Bring it on !
Stay strong sisters!
Mindset and a little planning are key to navigating this boozy world we live in, so well done you for making an excellent start. I look forward to showing you more about the technicolour benefits of alcohol-free living. 🙂
I love hearing your messages, but sadly, so far I only seem to last a couple of days. Come Wednesdays, well it’s the weekend . I’m trying again to last a lot longer and to give my body/brain a proper break to see how it feels xx
Drinking every few days just reinforces to your brain that alcohol is necessary in your life. Don’t forget alcohol is addictive too, so the cravings can be strong. When you only stop drinking for a few days here and there, you never get to the ‘good bit’ of alcohol-free living. I explain more in an older blog of mine here: https://thesoberschool.com/being-good-monday-thursday/
Bless you Joyce,
You are doing really well in managing a few days at a time, dont despair, keep at it, keep listening and reading Kates messages, they have been an enormous help to me, because you can feel really alone in this battle.
Have you thought about perhaps joining her course?
Obviously I don’t know your circumstances, but I just wanted to reach out to you and say you are not alone, I wish you all the very best , and good on you for being brave and reaching out.
Keep at it. Xx Lorraine x
I have found making the decision not to drink is crucial. I don’t see anyone drinking and wish I was them. In fact I feel sorry for them that they are descending into that foggy state of mind. Also I have found that if I give it 5 minutes I often feel relief and gratitude. I will remember everything about the event. Not sure someone drinking can say the same but the most important person I am taking care of is me. And lastly I don’t feel i have to explain my choice..I just order my cranberry juice and club soda with a piece of lime…should someone question my choice I say that’s the drink I enjoy..no need to to explain being AF. But if someone persists I say. ” I wanted to see what life was like being AF and I discovered I Love it!”. And that is the truth.
Thank You Kate – Your so inspiring! I have been following you for a while now. I really do appreciate the approach you have in sober living. And you have helped me look at it in a different (good) way.
After doing Kates course in 2021 – I had the skills and tools to look forward to my daughters wedding that summer alcohol free. I can honestly say I had the best day ever as Mother of the Bride alcohol free – I danced all night, remembered every moment and went home very happy, proud and no hangover the next day was brilliant.
I planned with the venue that there was alcohol free options – AF wine on table, AF fizz for toasts and AF options at the bar – there were many who were driving/chose not to drink and didnt have to feel left out with poor AF choices.
I was so anxious before doing the course as I couldnt imagine being MOB without alcohol – 3 years on and still loving the AF life – it was the best decision ever to turn away from a alcohol fuelled life to one where Im free to live life to the full! Thanks Kate still love getting your messages x
I appreciate your comments and suggestions on how to host an inclusive wedding. It’s wonderful to hear that you enjoyed the day immensely as the mother of the bride at your daughter’s wedding – it must have been a magical experience. ❤️
Thanks, Claire for your invaluable comment which really hit the mark for me. I am going on 3 years alcohol-free myself and don’t crave it at all anymore … but my niece is getting married in October (a destination beach wedding in a very boozy city) and I am already a bit anxious. This will be my first large celebratory event since I stopped drinking. I will be the only non-drinker in my immediate family and won’t know many people there. In my previous life I would have immediately sucked down the bubbles to ease nerves and loosen up. Your testimony makes me feel confident that I can do this! Providing AF options is an excellent plan that I will suggest to my sister and niece. Thanks again, dear Claire, for sharing your wonderful MOB experience! And thanks, dear Kate for posting this important and timely video and giving me the sober tools I need to enjoy my niece’s wedding.
You’ve got this Annie – have a fantastic time at your destination wedding you won’t regret your positive decision to continue your AF life embracing new experiences
I’ve got a wedding guest day coming up and I’ve made decision to drive so I can have a memorable experience of a day full of love and also be there in the best version of myself, alcohol free and happy as, to ensure my mum is ok and I don’t make a plonker of myself or my mum, cause that stuff stays with you too long
It’s a wise strategy. By abstaining from alcohol, you eliminate the risk of embarrassment. 🙂
I am a graduate of the Getting Unstuck course, and want to chime in on this subject. My daughter got married two weeks ago and I had the best time at her wedding sober. I was aware that the bar at the venue had limited AF options. As Mother of the Bride, I questioned it, and they welcomed us to supply whatever AF beverage we wanted. I brought a case of AF wine, half case of AF bubbly. I enjoyed having something festive in my glass, but more than that, enjoyed being present throughout and clear-eyed at the end of the night while wrapping up loose ends. 8 years ago I did all that at my son’s wedding weekend while pretty drunk, and the hangovers from the rehearsal evening and wedding were brutal. NQTD ladies- Never Question The Decision! I had decided to enjoy this wedding sober, the thought didn’t cross my mind to break my resolve. This is doable!
Thank you for chiming in, sober weddings are the best! Making that decision not to drink ahead of time simplifies the event and ensures that you can fully immerse yourself in the joyous occasion, attentively interacting with family and guests. Many congratulations on hosting a memorable day for your daughter. ❤️
I am going away this weekend for a family camping event, which always involves bbqs wine and beer. I’ve decided I’m not drinking I have bought non alcohol beer and nozeco
Great strategy! Deciding in advance and coming prepared with your own drinks ensures you can enjoy the fun without suffering a hangover later!
I did it had a fantastic weekend camping no alcohol , enjoyed myself just as much if not more. Played with the grandchildren. Spent evenings chatting with family around the fire being totally in the space without falling asleep and forgetting half the conversations the next morning. It is now 7am and I’ve been for a walk with my dog and enjoyed the wildlife no headache !!! It’s got to be the way forward. Thank you Kate. Long may this continue
Indeed, that does sound like a fantastic weekend Tracey! What’s not to love about enjoying special time with family, remembering it all and feeling refreshed and energised the day after. ❤️