We all know the obvious downsides of drinking. The hangovers, the things you can’t remember, the cost, the shame, the health risks and impact on your appearance.
But have you ever thought about the small, hidden ways that alcohol makes your life harder without you even noticing?
I’m talking about the tedious, soul-sucking, subtle problems that alcohol creates for you – quietly and persistently – without you even realising.
I explain more in today’s video:
Key points:
Alcohol forces you to become an actress
Drinking makes you take on a whole new acting job: pretending you’re fine when you’re anything but. You have to act bright and breezy at work, even though you feel rough and guilt is eating you up inside. You’re putting on a performance just to get through the day… and that is exhausting.
Drinking adds a hidden extra mental load
If life isn’t busy enough, drinking comes with a whole extra set of responsibilities. You’re managing supplies, stashing bottles, disposing of them, making sure you have just enough alcohol but not so much that it’s noticeable. When I look back on my drinking days, managing alcohol was like having a second job. It’s no wonder I felt overwhelmed and exhausted so often!
Alcohol makes you paranoid
Have you ever worried that someone else has noticed how much you drink? That the shop assistant has clocked your frequent wine purchases? Or that a friend’s casual joke about drinking was actually aimed at you? Alcohol fuels paranoia. It always made me second-guess myself and worry what others think. It’s a hidden extra emotional weight that no one needs.
Drinking disconnects you from the people that matter
You might not even realise it, but alcohol is quietly creating distance between you and your loved ones. Maybe you avoid answering the phone because you don’t want someone to hear you slurring. Maybe you’re like I was and you’ll choose an evening with your bottles over an evening of trying to moderate with company. Alcohol makes you think it’s helping you relax and connect—when really, it’s shutting people out.
Alcohol keeps you feeling behind, all the time
Drinking means constantly trying to catch up. You wake up in “go slow” mode, tired and foggy. Tasks pile up. You fall into a cycle of drinking to escape the stress, but the drinking is what’s creating the stress in the first place. If you feel like you’re never on top of things, alcohol might be the quiet culprit making everything harder.
What would you add to this list?
These are just five ways alcohol makes life harder, but I could go on for days. What are the hidden, soul-sucking ways that drinking makes your life more difficult? Let me know in the comments. Let’s bring full awareness to this, because if you’re going to keep drinking, you want to know exactly what the costs are. Personally, for me, the side effects of drinking were just too painful. There were too many hidden downsides – and I’m so glad to be a non drinker now.
36 responses
This is all soo true and actually hits home more than the obvious stuff
I’m doing well thanks Kate but good to be reminded.
I love this post so much that I made an Instagram post you did on this the screen saver on my phone!
❤️ ❤️
As per usual Kate everything you say is absolutely true
Val
Thanks Kate we all know everything you say is so true about alcohol and it’s control.
Val B
It’s the conversation that was constantly playing in my head about whether/when I should have a drink that ended up boring me stupid and taking up so much time. Now I am free to daydream happily or to have an internal conversation about much more interesting and consequential things.
Exactly Georgy, the mental freedom is just as amazing as the physical benefits. 🙂
So true those points on the video, my brother is drinking when I meet up once a fortnight for a meal so I have 3 non alcoholic drinks and go home to put the kettle on. No fear of missing out.
You’re having the better experience Christine and true connection with your family. ❤️
What about turning down invitations because you’re not sure if there will be enough to drink or, heaven forbid, no bar/alcohol? Done that often I’m sorry to say.
Me too! How small that makes our world by missing out on meeting new people or nurturing existing friendships. 🙁
For me, I spend a lot of time struggling with the question, will i have a drink tonight, what do I want to drink (a bottle of wine is dangerous because it’s easy to drink too much, a can a beer is small so less problematic, but not really what I want and cocktail would be great, but buying a whole bottle of liquor is expensive and I’d be tempted drink days in a row until I finish it). What kind of wine, what kind of beer, where to buy it because I’m tired of the usual brands and don’t always want to go to the place where they know me. All these questions swirl in my head in the afternoon and deep down I know that I should just not drink at all, but the thoughts of drinking keep bubbling up. It’s a tug of war in my brain for hours at a time. If I get into my home without buying alcohol, I’m almost safe. If I get through dinner, then the urge to drink pretty much passes. Lately I find it’s easier to abstain though I haven’t given up drinking completely (yet!).
It’s exhausting isn’t it and a tug of war is a good analogy. I wrote another blog about cravings to drink that I think you’ll find really helpful. The trick is to get curious about what they are trying to tell you: https://thesoberschool.com/giving-in-to-alcohol-cravings/
Thank you for sharing this, exactly what I needed to hear!!!!!
I have great intentions in the mornings. In the afternoon I argue with myself all day till I leave work about exactly what Anya said.
I get a bit better once home keeping busy then thinking, at about 8.00pm, only 2.5 hours till bed then you’ve done it. Feel great the next morning, then afternoon starts again. It is exhausting.
I sometimes get a 0 alcohol drink to help psychologically. That’s quite good. I read a lot of sober school stuff that reminds me of the benefits.
Onwards and upwards.
Hi Liz, It can be so exhausting negotiating with yourself every day. That’s why I recommend taking a break for six weeks during my course. The decision is made and you get to experience what alcohol-free living can be like for you. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Everything here resonates. I’m 25 days sober. I don’t want to go back to the anxiety and just want everyone to be proud of me
You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be a problem drinker, there are an awful lot of women out there who feel the same
Well done Gill, 25 days is an excellent start. 🙂 Most women fall into the middle ‘grey area’ of drinking that is causing pain and misery. Through education, coaching and connection, I help women break free from the alcohol trap in a way that feels positive, sustainable and freeing and can help you too. Here’s all the information you need to get help that works: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
The perspective gained by the distance from alcohol use is undeniable.
I had no idea that the anxiety about driving on the highway was tied to my alcohol use. I spent years anticipating how awful I would feel even as a passenger in a vehicle on the highway. The 20 minute commute to work became an hour because I could not get on the highway.
Thanks for helping me find freedom, Kate.
Jan ‘23 GU Success Story
Oh my gosh! I have never heard it said before…..the anxiety about driving on the highway. I can’t believe that booze even caused that!!
You’re most welcome Peg, freedom from anxiety is a massive win and you made that happen! ❤️
Pretending you feel fine when you feel awful definitely resonates with me. I spent a lot of time trying to hide the number of empty wine bottles in my recycling bin from my neighbours, because I was embarrassed! Not now … I’ve been drinking free for 9 weeks now and never been happier! Thanks Kate for your support and encouragement.
Nine weeks is fabulous, well done Frances. 🙂 We spend so much time ‘managing’ our drinking, from the thinking about it, purchasing it, then hiding the consequences of it – no wonder it feels like freedom when all that tension is gone. Keep going!
Kate you are a godsend ! I stopped drinking on 17th November last year after a lot of deliberating and you really have been a huge help with your calm positivity and encouragement . Everything you say just resonates completely and I can’t thank you enough for being such an inspiration .
Ah thanks Mandy, how kind. Congratulations on making that one decision that has improved so much in your life. ❤️
Everything you say totally resonates with my own hidden behaviour around alcohol, specifically wine. I’m going to try again to be alcohol free, but not strong enough at this point to be alcohol free at weekends…. Yes, I know, I should and maybe I’ll get there
Hi Sue, It can be a lonely journey when you’re doing this on your own. If you need any more support, my online coaching programme would be a great fit for you. Here are some more details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Alcohol made going out so complicated. I’m meeting up with friends for a retirement party this weekend. Part of the discussion was how will we get home from the venue? Leave the car and take a taxi? Then go back to get the car in the morning, hungover and miserable? A little poorer after two taxi rides? No worries, I can drive! I’m so glad I’m an adult now, thanks to Sober School and not a 50 or 60 something at a party getting so drunk I can’t drive home. I finally graduated to the true adult beverage—an alcohol free one.
Love that Lynette, a true adult alcohol-free drink that you can enjoy without any of the drama and misery.
The way the buzz of alcohol’s artificial high ruined me for the joys I used to find in life, turning a normal sober day into a dull agony back .when I was still boozing After i started , it became so much harder to find any joy or satisfaction in the things that used to be fun as those things just didn’t cut it anymore once I’d got hooked on the hyper- reality style high of alcohol. Asides from this, boozing led me to lose my high tolerance for boredom too and the stamina to stick to a task – any task – to see it all the way through. I’m still grappling with this part of things in recovery even though many months sober. The sense of entitlement to instant gratification I developed thanks to booze’s on- demand high and the lowering of my previously prodigious ability to tolerate discomfort – a superpower of sorts – has definitely made life harder
Hi Rose, Yes, the huge dopamine hit that alcohol provides means the brain starts to down regulate and produces less dopamine so it doesn’t get overloaded. This creates what you describe here, when you start to get less enjoyment out of life in general. Alcohol drains the colour from your life so to speak, so that everyday pleasures aren’t that exciting anymore. My Getting Unstuck course helps my students find those simple life pleasure again and create a more joyous life for themselves. If you are interested to find out more here are the details: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
I can’t believe how liberated I feel – tonight for example – my husbands birthday – we can go to any pub or restaurant we want (we live in the country so no public transport) and I will happily drive. Not drinking has opened up lots more options for us.
Also – no weight gain! I’ve managed to maintain my weight for the first time in years!!
True alcohol freedom – it’s wonderful isn’t it? 🙂
Thanks all going great still alcohol free since jan1at
Feeling great love listening to you keeps me going
Hi Joan, Congratulations! Nearly 3 months already, well done.