Have you heard of the term, “the mental load”?
You often hear it talked about in relation to motherhood or caregiving. It’s the invisible work that goes into planning, organising and anticipating everything.
It’s heavy stuff… and when the mental load meets wine o’clock? It’s so tempting to drink because it really seems as if that will help you feel better.
The problem is that trying to moderate actually adds a whole extra layer of stress and noise to your already-full brain.
If you’ve ever exhausted yourself debating when, where or how much to drink, I think this video will really resonate…
Key points
Moderation is its own part-time job
Trying to drink less (but not stop completely) means making dozens of decisions every day.
Should I drink tonight? Is this a ‘special enough’ occasion? What should I buy? How much? Will I stick to one glass? Should I cancel that gym class, just in case? The overthinking is relentless and exhausting – it adds a whole extra layer of stress to your already full plate.
One drink doesn’t equal freedom
We’re often sold the idea that having just one means we’re winning, because then we’re getting the best of both worlds and enjoying alcohol without consequences. What I want to show you is that actually, the mental load of trying to moderate is hard work. The constant planning, bargaining and rule-making add to the list of things that drain you.
If you’re drinking to cope with the mental load…
I know: when the mental load meets wine o’clock, it can be very tempting to drink. For a brief moment, it seems as if alcohol lightens things. But that brief moment really is short. And then – bam – an even heavier load lands on your shoulders, as you manage the consequences of your drinking.
Here’s what actually helps
Take alcohol completely off the table for a while. It doesn’t need to be forever (that’s a really overwhelming idea). Commit to taking a break from booze so you can put space between you and alcohol. This way, you can feel what it’s like to live without the mental gymnastics. You might be surprised at how much lighter life feels when alcohol isn’t adding to your mental load.
Looking for help and support to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to find out more about my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.
14 responses
Hi Kate – yep these internal conversations happen on a basis that is just too regular. I have even purposely drank what I know to be too much in order to stop myself from drinking again the day after. I’m not and never have been at a stage where I need alcohol to feel ‘better’ as a hangover can put me off for days but I still go back. I’ve said this so many times, I want to not want alcohol
I hear your desire to ‘not want alcohol’ loud and clear. Please join me for my next online coaching programme called Getting Unstuck that does exactly that. Gets you ‘unstuck’ from the trap that’s keeping you in an endless cycle of drink, regret, repeat. https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Thank you for this! I’ve been sober 5 1/2 years now and I vividly remember how freeing it was to not have to spend mental energy thinking about alcohol. Life is so much lighter and brighter without alcohol in it.
You’re absolutely right, lighter and brighter without alcohol – love that! ❤️
Hi, this so resonates with me me so much. Your example of the internal talk track sounds like it came right out of my head!
I’m currently drinking once or twice a week but I’m working on playing it forward to the next morning to decide if it’s really worth it, and finding a healthier rewarding something to do on nights I feel like drinking.
I’m so glad this struck a chord with you Rachel. 🙂 When you’re back and forth with the mental chatter, try plugging in your headphones and listening to my free pep talk – it’s 9 minutes of pausing that will help you decide if alcohol is worth it or not: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk
Spoke to my heart
❤️
This has really rung a huge bell with me. Iundrrstand completely.
Quite right it is an extra layer of stress and then comes regret!
I’m struggling to break the habit of drinking several times a week, so a really useful article.
Thank you
Alcohol adds stress to your life, glass by glass with a big dose of regret on top! Join my next online coaching programme in July to learn a better way to live your one and only precious life: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
This is so me ! I battle all the time. It’s been worse since I retired. I am a carer and I constantly worry ‘what if’
Someone told me I’m a people pleaser – to the detriment to myself. I’m a retired nurse and know what alcohol can to to a person- but does it stop me !! So pleased I joined this group ❤️
I’ve worked with thousands of women who are people pleasers and their own needs are always at the bottom of the priority list. Why not look after number one for a change? Listen to the inspiring stories of some of my past students. It’s never too late to take care of beautiful you. ❤️ https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
This is very true, I stop drinking after a bad hangover then a week later think ok I will just drink tonight because of whatever, then feel ok the next day so drink more before I know it binging till I get ill again. I do want to stop, but finding it soon hard every time I see an advert, session on a program someone drinking on a TV programme or walking past the shopping isle. It is exhausting
We live in a society that romanticises and normalises alcohol to the extent that you are expected to drink, but there are consequences. Next time the ‘alcohol noise’ gets too loud, have a listen to my free pep talk and in just 9 minutes, you’ll feel better about your decision to swerve the poison: https://thesoberschool.com/pep-talk