Can I be terribly British for a moment and talk about the weather? Because it’s been lovely lately – so sunny, warm, and dry.
If you’re newly sober (or trying to be), you can’t fail to notice the tables and chairs that appear outside bars. Or the packed pub beer gardens. The clinking glasses, the laughter in the sunshine…
It can all be pretty triggering. In today’s video, I’ve got 3 tips to help you stay on track when you’re craving a drink on a hot day…
Key points
Remember: You’re seeing a very romanticised version of alcohol
Everything looks better in the sunshine. People are glowing, looking happy and like they don’t have a care in the world. It’s basically a living, breathing advert for alcohol! But it’s not reality. It’s really just a surface level snap shot.
What you don’t see are the 4am wakeups that some of those drinkers will experience later. Or the hangovers (which are far worse in the heat, by the way). You don’t see the regret, the broken promises, or the quiet shame that might show up tomorrow.
And don’t forget, you can’t actually tell what people are drinking. Fizzy water can look like a G&T. Alcohol-free beer looks like the regular stuff. Almost a third of pub visits in the UK are alcohol-free these days, so we can be certain that not everyone in the beer garden is drinking booze.
“Normal drinkers” might not be what they seem
It’s easy to look at someone sipping a glass of wine and think, “Why can’t I be like that?” But appearances can be deceiving. When I was really struggling with drinking, I could go out and have just one or two. I kept pace with others. I looked “normal.”
But I knew I’d drink more later (at home, alone). That was my preferred way to drink. And I’ve worked with so many women who’ve said exactly the same. Sometimes they’ll be the one who leaves early after a single drink… because they want to get to the shop before it shuts and make sure they’ve got enough to carry on at home.
So next time you see someone “being good” with their drink, remember: you are not seeing the full picture, you’re seeing a tiny glimpse of their world and that can be misleading.
If you’re craving a drink, ask what you really want instead
You’re not allowed to answer this question with “alcohol”. I know you might be thinking, “I just want wine, silly!” but I promise – in those moments, it’s often not about craving a drink of alcohol. It’s about something deeper.
Personally, I have no desire to drink alcohol (you couldn’t pay me enough to do that now) . But when I see people in the sun, I sometimes catch myself thinking, “Oh, I wish I had time to sit outside too.” Or, “I miss those spontaneous afternoons with friends.”
This has nothing to do with wine or beer. It’s about freedom. Connection. Rest. Once you identify what it is you really want, then you can meet that need in a different way. You don’t need to drink ethanol in order to rest, connect or enjoy the sunshine.
Looking for help and support to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to find out more about my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.
23 responses
Kate
That was so encouraging as you always are. This did resonate with me. And I will try to remember this when I have the urge when seeing people sitting outside bars and drinking. But also the same goes for home I’m so tempted to drink out side on my deck on warm sunny days. Or in the evenings under my lighted patio.
I do understand what you’re saying and you can apply the same questioning on those occasions Sherrie. “What is it that I’m looking for when I sit on the deck on sunny days, or evenings under my lighted patio”? It’s down time, relaxation, permission to rest and you can do that with any liquid in your glass. 🙂
I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your videos, you’ve kept me going on my alcohol free journey and I’m so grateful for all the wisdom you share. This one has been particularly helpful as I’ve noticed myself having some of these thoughts with all the outdoor drinking in the sun!
You’re very welcome Becky! Sunny days can be a trigger for many to drink, particularly when good weather can be a rare occurrence. 🙂
Yes – definitely resonates: desire to stop being an adult, valid unmet needs. Really good way of putting it, Kate. I didn’t know that one-third of all visits to pubs now are AF. Wow! Great statistic and really helpful. Thank you.
Exactly Georgy, we all need the ability to put down our responsibilities for a while, but drinking doesn’t help with that. In fact, it adds to the stress of ‘adulting’ glass by glass…
This definitely resonates with me. I’ve been cutting down for a couple of years now and always regret drinking when I do. There’s just something about a warm sunny day that makes me want a glass of wine! But I’ve been having Trip drinks instead or homemade mocktails. Thankyou for this, I will definitely keep this in mind when I get that urge to drink in the sunshine.
A warm, sunny day invites us to kick back and relax, but you can do that with any type of drink so well done for trying out alternatives. There are so many to choose from these days – something for everyone’s taste! The problem with cutting down rather than cutting out is that alcohol remains an essential part of your life and it really isn’t. I wrote a blog about this exact topic that I think you’ll enjoy: https://thesoberschool.com/being-good-monday-thursday/
Hey, very interesting and opened my eyes, everything you said so true, still struggling but I’m watching and trying to get the strength to do this journey (feel like it’s going to be a very long one, thanks for keeping everyone going
I can help you with making the journey empowering and even fun. Sobriety isn’t a struggle, it’s liberation! Join my next online coaching programme to find out more: https://thesoberschool.com/course/
Very helpful Kate, I’m definitely going to take your advice and try to think ahead to the early hours of the morning when I wake up full of regret and thirsty/ hungover! My Husband and I love sitting in our back garden looking at our hard work with all the lovely Perennials and flowers, but we always tend to associate it with having a cold beer or a glass of wine. I just now need to still try to enjoy the garden but with a Zero fizz in my glass or a lime and soda! It’s just a trigger and I want those triggers to stop once and for all.
I am the same with this trigger
You can totally enjoy sitting in the garden and appreciating your hard work with an alcohol-free drink. After all, the gratitude comes from your gardening efforts, not the ethanol in your glass. Listen to some of my previous students stories here, each one is so grateful to have left the regret behind: https://thesoberschool.com/success-stories/
Thank you Kate you changed my whole life. Xx
❤️
Thank s Kate for video helps so much
Doing great all through your help xx
You’re so welcome Joan, keep going! 🙂
Thank you yet again Kate. I’m almost eight months AF and this will be my first summer. I feel so much better than before but I’ve already been considering drinking just whilst away on holiday and have recently been tempted in the sun. I know that is not the way to go. Your videos seem to come at just the right time and boost my resolve. I honestly don’t think I could have come this far without your support.
Congratulations on 8 months Diana, that’s amazing! This summer would be a great opportunity to prove to yourself that alcohol adds nothing to your life, not even holidays.
Remember what holidays are all about, they are not about the alcohol. They are about getting away from normal life for a while, seeing new places, doing new things, enjoying the company of the people you are with and maybe a new culture. Relaxing and coming home recharged. Give yourself the opportunity to experience that and then compare it to previous holidays where you came back needing a rest to get over the drinking one!
I knew it couldn’t be my imagination, this is definitely a real thing! Im relieved to hear changes of the seasons can trigger our way thinking! Thank you so much for putting words to this phenomenon. It hasn’t been a craving thing for me and I have no desire to drink. Just a weird awareness of drinkers and drinking with the nice weather. Keep your posts coming Kate. You’re changing lives!! Ps. Glad your weather over there has been warm and sunny!
Hi Katie. I’m an ex student of yours – now 7 years alcohol free after your course in April 2018. Can you believe it? This one scenario you’ve described was a huge trigger for me at the time – hot days and condensation on a cold glass of wine. I remember covering this in one of the sessions but I learnt the tricks especially “playing the video to the end” and visualising the joy of waking up hangover free the next day and it soon passed. It’s now not even something i think about. I will always be so very grateful for your help Katie. Jenny xx
Hi Jenny, Finding freedom from those old triggers and thoughts is pretty special hey? Congratulations on your 7 years! So lovely to hear from you.
Kate, This is a very keen awareness that you have shared with everyone.