How To Drink Less: 10 Common Tips That Don’t Work

How To Drink Less: 10 Common Tips That Don’t Work

At the height of my drinking career, I must have googled “how to drink less” every other day. 

If you’ve done this too, you’ll know that google brings up millions of results… but most of the advice is exactly the same. 

In fact, when it comes to figuring out how to drink less, there are really just a small handful of tips you’ll hear over and over again. 

Here are 10 of the most common… and why they don’t work. 

 

1. Make a plan

“Before you start drinking, set a limit on how much you’re going to drink.” This is the very first tip on the NHS website. Not exactly helpful, right? If it was that easy to stick to a limit, you probably wouldn’t be reading this!

 

2. Set a budget

Here’s another gem from the NHS website: only take a fixed amount of money with you. Given that most of us rely on contactless – and can pay for things using our smartphones – this is hardly realistic. 

 

3. Alternate alcoholic drinks with water

I see this tip everywhere and it sounds great. But seriously… who can really be bothered to do that? When I drank, it was because I wanted to get drunk. I wasn’t interested in drinking water!

 

4. Limit time spent in bars

This tip (from The Healthy) kind of makes sense, but here’s what I know from coaching hundreds of women to quit drinking: the most harmful drinking can happen at home.

 

5. Dinner only drinking

Drinkaware says this helps because food slows down the rate that alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream. That’s true… and that is exactly why most people won’t do it! If you crave the buzz you get from booze, why would you lessen that by eating?

 

6. Drink from smaller glasses

Some research has shown this can have an impact in a restaurant or social setting. But if you’re drinking at home – and you want to get buzzed – then a smaller glass isn’t going to hold you back. It’s just going to mean more refills. 

 

7. Pick lower strength drinks

Again, this sounds logical. However, if you’re using alcohol to numb out, you will need a certain amount in order to feel the effects. With lower strength drinks, all that happens is you end up needing to drink more of them to get the feeling you want.

 

8. Don’t drink past your “off” switch. 

Ummm, what? According to Huffpost, this means you should “stop drinking before you stop thinking.” If it was that easy to control a mind-altering substance that zaps your willpower, then drinking too much wouldn’t be a problem for anyone. 

 

9. Never drink alone

Towards the end of my drinking career I vowed to never drink by myself. This worked for a sociable couple of weeks, until I got fed up of my drinking being dependent on other people. I bet I’m not alone in this.

 

10. Don’t stock up on alcohol

Of course it makes sense not to have a fridge stocked with your favourite drinks. But I spent years only ever buying the exact amount of alcohol I needed for one night. And that was still far too much, too often.

 

The real problem with these ‘tips’

Imagine putting a tiny little plaster (a band aid) on a big wound. That’s what these tips do. They might give you a short term win; a temporary reprieve. But you’re not doing the deeper work. You’re not addressing the core issues. 

None of these tips get you thinking about why you’re really drinking – why you need to numb out with a mind altering, cancer causing drug, night after night. Instead, this kind of advice keeps alcohol up on a pedestal, as if it’s a special drug that can’t be lived without. 

Can you imagine anyone sharing tips like this about cigarettes or heroin, or any other dangerous drug? It’s unthinkable.

 

What to do instead…

If you want to try something that actually works, I recommend taking a complete break from drinking for 6-8 weeks. 

Why? When you only have the odd day off here and there, you never experience sobriety properly. In fact, all you do is make yourself repeat the hardest bit over and over again – the first few days. You’re teaching yourself that sobriety is miserable and you can’t do it.

A proper break gives you the chance to get past that awkward first month and on to the good stuff. Just make sure you give your break 100% – read books, blogs, educate yourself about alcohol. Tackle the issues in your life that made you so reliant on this drug in the first place. 

Then at the end of your break, you can see how you feel. You can always go back to drinking if you want to, safe in the knowledge that you have at least given sobriety a proper shot. 

That’s what I told myself when I took a break from booze in 2013. To my surprise, sobriety turned out to be so much better than I imagined. In fact, I decided I didn’t want to give my alcohol-free lifestyle up… and I’ve never looked back.

 

For help and support to take a break from booze – click here for details of my online course.

 

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4 Things All Women Need To Know About Alcohol

4 Things All Women Need To Know About Alcohol

From a young age, I was sold on the idea that drinking was what cool and empowered women did.

I’d grown up watching Sex And The City and in my mind, alcohol was linked to so many positives: fun, freedom, strength, success and happiness. 

However, the reality of alcohol was quite the opposite – it left me feeling trapped and miserable.

With International Women’s Day coming up, there’s going to be a lot of talk about empowering women this week. 

I think that having some honest conversations about alcohol would really help with that.

I’m almost 7 years sober now and I’ve never felt better.

But if I could go back in time and speak to my younger self, there are a four key messages I’d like to share…

 

Watch out for femvertising

Yes, that is a real word! It’s when adverts use female empowerment to sell stuff. For example, do you remember the Virginia Slims “You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby” marketing campaign? Linking a tobacco product to women’s liberation was a genius move in boosting sales (and making lung cancer an equal opportunity disease).

So perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise that Diageo, the world’s largest spirits business, is an official supporter of International Women’s Day 🙄

Meanwhile, one of Diageo’s brands – Baileys – sponsors the Women’s Prize For Fiction. Budweiser is an official partner of the England Women’s football team. And Smirnoff’s Equalising Music campaign pushes for greater gender balance in the music industry.

Linking booze brands with female empowerment is pretty troubling. In the UK, alcohol-related deaths among women are at the highest rate in 10 years. Worldwide, alcohol is associated with 2.8 million deaths each year. 

 

Alcohol’s negative effects harm women more than men

Booze is a health disaster for us. We are faster to experience liver disease and damage to our hearts and nerves. Women who have 2-3 alcoholic drinks a day have a 20 percent higher breast cancer risk compared to women who don’t drink. Alcohol is also linked to a range of other cancers and reduced fertility. 

Many of these gender-based differences in alcohol’s effects on the body weren’t discovered until fairly recently, and more research is still needed. As this article explains, until the 1990s, almost all clinical studies on alcohol were carried out solely on men! 

 

Drinking is not self care 

Culturally, one of the biggest shifts in the way we talk about alcohol is the link to self care. “You deserve a drink!” is often shorthand for empathy and sympathy – a euphemism for just taking a break. 

The sad thing is, we really do need to take a break. We’re working harder than ever (because having it all often means doing it all) and we seriously need to look after ourselves and practice better self care. But alcohol is never going to facilitate that. 

Self care is about looking after ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. Drinking a toxic poison which causes cancer, depression, anxiety and death can never be self care. It just can’t. It’s a contradiction in terms. 

 

Sobriety is more empowering than drinking

This is one of the biggest cons about booze: the idea that drinking is somehow empowering, rebellious and liberating for women. Yet alcohol is actually the most normalised drug on the planet. So how can using it be edgy and cool? 

Surely, choosing not to follow the masses and buy into the advertising hype is a more rebellious thing to do.

If it’s freedom you want, then sobriety is probably one of the best ways of getting that. (They don’t call it alcohol free living for nothing.) You’re free because you’re no longer dependent on a drug to feel good.

Honestly – how are we supposed to smash the patriarchy if we’re numbed and dulled by booze? It’s going to be a lot harder. Last year I wrote this blog about how some of the smartest and most inspiring women don’t drink. What might you be capable of, if booze wasn’t getting in the way?

 

For help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online course.

 

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What If Your Beliefs About Sobriety Were Wrong?

What If Your Beliefs About Sobriety Were Wrong?

Before I quit drinking, I had some very strong beliefs about sobriety. And I was convinced I was right about them. Such as:

“If I don’t drink, it won’t be fun.”
“I really need alcohol in order to relax.”
“No way can I dance without drinking first.”
“It is impossible to date sober.”

But here’s the thing. Every single one of my beliefs about sobriety turned out to be wrong.

(And not just a little bit wrong. Really, really wrong.)

Looking back, I think I could’ve quit drinking a lot sooner than I did, had I been a bit more open to the idea that what I believed to be true, may not be. 

When it comes to alcohol-free living, here’s why we get things so wrong:

 

We all have a confirmation bias

Our brains automatically scan for evidence that supports the thoughts we already believe to be true. So if you’re convinced that you need to drink in order to have fun with your friends, your brain will always be looking for (and remembering) evidence to prove that’s true. 

This means you might not even register the times when no one drank much, but you still had great fun. You won’t notice how little other people are drinking. And you’ll probably ‘forget’ those nights where you drank a lot and didn’t have fun at all. 

 

Why do we do this?

Our brains like to be efficient, and it takes energy to question and challenge your beliefs. We couldn’t possibly walk around questioning everything about our lives, all the time. Your brain likes to keep believing the thoughts you already believe, even when it’s unhelpful.

There’s a weird satisfaction in being ‘right’, even when it’s about something that’s negative, e.g. “I never stick at anything.” It takes more effort to challenge that belief than it does to just go along with it.

 

Changing your beliefs

The chances are you have some beliefs about sobriety and booze that feel completely and utterly true to you. I know this, because I’ve been there too. Unpicking those beliefs requires time, patience and a willingness to be wrong. 

Start by looking for evidence that your thoughts may not be 100% accurate. For example, if you believe that alcohol helps you have fun, what happens if you switch your focus and look for evidence that alcohol is stopping you from having a good time? I bet you already have some proof of this. 

 

Creating new evidence

As well as examining your past experiences, you’ll need to be willing to create new evidence in order to challenge some of your thoughts. If you’ve drunk alcohol at every party for the past decade, it might feel hard to believe you can have fun without booze. 

That’s ok. It doesn’t mean your suspicions are correct – it just means you’ve spent years practising the opposite belief and finding evidence to support that. You don’t yet have the proof you need to choose a different belief. 

 

Give yourself time

This is important: when you’re looking for new evidence, you’ve got to be patient. The first time I went to a party sober, it felt so awkward I didn’t enjoy it. However, the next time things were a little easier. By the third time, I surprised myself by actually enjoying it. 

It’s so tempting to try something once and then say “See! I told you it would be like this!” But creating new evidence always takes time. This is yet another reason for taking a proper break from booze – at least 6 to 8 weeks. If you’d like my help to do that, click here for details of my online course. 

 

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3 Things To Remember When You’re Finding Sobriety Hard

3 Things To Remember When You’re Finding Sobriety Hard

Very few people quit drinking overnight. Most of us spend a long time wondering whether it’s the right thing to do.

Even when we decide we are ready, there can be a lot to figure out, and things can feel hard.

I call this the ‘messy middle’. 

It’s that frustrating stage when you’re not where you want to be… but you’re not quite sure how to change. 

You’re in the thick of doubt, discomfort and uncertainty. 

If this sounds like you, please don’t give up.

Here are three things to remember when you’re finding sobriety hard: 

 

You’re doing something amazing right now

One of the reasons I love coaching women to quit drinking is because I get to spend time with incredible people, who are brave enough to rock the boat a little and decide they want something different.

I get to work with women who want to change, improve and grow. They’re willing to ask themselves the big questions and do what it takes to create lives they feel really good about. And guess what? I’ve got a feeling you’re one of those people too. 

If you’re reading this blog, then you’re already questioning whether alcohol really is everything it’s cracked up to be. It doesn’t matter where you are in that shift, or how much work there is left to do. The fact is, you’ve stepped into the arena. 

 

I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past

It’s rare for anyone to be an ‘overnight success’. When you think about the people you really look up to, who you admire and respect, what kind of history do they have? It’s rarely ever easy. There’s nearly always been some kind of struggle there. 

It’s the hard times that make us. When you’ve been through a few storms, you tend to be more aware of what really matters in life. You’re more accepting of yourself and others. The struggle you’ve been through always gets put to good use. 

 

Screwing up is ok. In fact, it’s kind of vital

When we’re learning how to walk, we don’t give up as soon as we fall over. When we’re learning to spell, we accept our mistakes because after all, we’re learning. If we fail our driving test, it doesn’t mean we’re any less of a person, does it? 

In most areas of life, we have a pretty healthy attitude towards mistakes. Yet with sobriety, we tend to come into it convinced there’s something wrong with us, so if we don’t ‘get it’ straight away, our sense of failure increases. 

Consider this. What if there was no way you were going to get sober without first making some monumental mistakes? Just to be clear – I’m not giving you permission to give up on your AF goals. But what I am saying is this: sobriety is rarely a smooth path from A to B. 

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Thomas A. Edison

Screwing up is part of you figuring out what works and what doesn’t. It’s how you realise what you really need – whether that be community, accountability, extra support, advice, strategies… you don’t know what you need until you take action.

Don’t give up yet. The chances are, you’re on the verge of a massive breakthrough.

 

If you’d love some help and support to quit drinking, click here for details of my online course.

 

Download your free Wine O'Clock Survival Guide!

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Breaking Up With Booze: Why I’m So Glad We’re Over

Breaking Up With Booze: Why I’m So Glad We’re Over

Some people say that quitting drinking feels a bit like breaking up with someone, and I think they’re right. 

I was in a serious, long term relationship with alcohol for years. 

Even when I knew things were over, there were still times when I doubted myself and wondered if I was doing the right thing.  

That’s why we had a trial separation at first (my idea). 

And whilst we were on a break… I met my true love: sobriety!

We’ve been together for almost 7 years now 😉

Breaking up with booze was absolutely the right thing for me to do – here’s why:

 

Alcohol made me believe that I wasn’t enough

I was a shy teenager and the first time I met booze at a party, I thought I’d found the solution to all my problems. Suddenly, I had so much confidence! From then on, I tried to make sure that alcohol was always by my side.

I was convinced that I wasn’t enough on my own. I wasn’t funny enough, or sociable enough or entertaining enough. The more I relied on alcohol to get me through certain situations, the less I believed in myself.

 

There were too many lies

“You’re such a great dancer,” alcohol would say.
“You know, there’s no harm in a few more glasses…”
“Telling people what you really think of them is a great idea!”
“Everyone else is drinking this much.”
“Of course you can pass out on the sofa and still feel fine tomorrow…”

 

We were always arguing

“That’s it!” I’d yell. “Do not come back here tonight!” I’d swear that we were breaking up. Done. Finished. Over. And yet by 5pm, I’d be wondering if I’d overreacted. Alcohol would creep back in, knowing full well that nothing had changed. 

 

Our relationship affected my health

Here’s what I discovered: booze really didn’t like healthy food. Or working out. Or getting 8 hours sleep. Alcohol loved waking up at 4am, so we could spend the early hours of the morning staring at the ceiling, feeling bad. 

 

Alcohol was all flash and no substance

Booze was charming when we first met – so sophisticated and exciting. I thought we looked great together and so did my friends. When everyone around you is dazzled by booze, it’s hard to see the toxic, cancer-causing drug hiding in plain sight.

 

My new relationship is so much better

You know when Superman is Clark Kent, with his nerdy glasses and slightly awkward manner? Well… sobriety is a bit like that.

It doesn’t look very remarkable on the outside, but there are amazing superpowers hidden underneath. 

Breaking up with alcohol is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’m nearly 7 years down this road now and my only regret is not doing it sooner. 

AF living means I can consistently show up as the best and happiest version of me – no drama, anxiety or morning after regrets. What’s not to love about that?

 

❤️ If you’d like some help to break up with booze, click here for details of my online course. 

 

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