Kate's Blog

Staying Committed When You Feel Scared And Uncertain

I know it’s cool these days to be all, “Feel the fear! Push through your comfort zone! You can DO IT!” 

But to be honest, that’s not really me.

I hated the uncertainty of sobriety, especially in the early days.

There were so many unknowns, so many questions, so many fears. For a long time I didn’t really give alcohol-free living a proper chance.

If you’re struggling to commit to sobriety for the same reasons, this week’s video might be the pep talk you didn’t realise you needed.

Key points

Facing the unknown

When it comes to sobriety, there are so many unknowns. You don’t know if you can do it and you don’t really know what life will be like without booze. Your brain will hate the uncertainty of it all and try to convince you not to bother.

Remember this

In other areas of life, we regularly step out of our comfort zone and face uncertainty. We might not like it, but we accept that we need to do it. A great example of this is happening right now, with the start of a new school year and all the fear that brings.

Giving it a chance

If your child comes home after their first day at school and doesn’t want to go back, what do you do? You don’t pull them out of school, right? You’re able to see the bigger picture. You know things will settle down, but it might take time. It’s the same with sobriety.

Timescales

If your child was struggling at school, how long would you persevere in the same school with them? Half a term? A whole term? Longer? If you got a huge new job, how long would you give that before deciding what you thought about it? Sobriety deserves the same opportunity in your life.

If you’re looking for help and support to quit drinking, I’d love to teach you how to do it in a way that feels good. Click here to find out more about my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.

Hi, I'm Kate

I founded The Sober School to show you there’s another way out of your shame that doesn’t involve AA or rehab. 

Comments

56 Responses

  1. Thank you so much for your support watching and listening to you in the video is inspiring me I’m on my first week its difficult but I am willing to continue

  2. Hi Kate, that was a very interesting video today, in March I decided to quit drinking and wanted to see how I’d feel after 6 months. I’m now at 5 months and 8 days so nearly there. My next goal will be a year. I agree with all you said about giving it a good amount of time rather than just a few days.
    I have to thank you for the best piece advice you gave in on of your video about playing the story forward. This has helped me numerous times during the last 5 months and will continue to help me,

    Thanks again

    Carol

  3. My goal is September. I my last drink was august 26, 2022, 10 days so far. It’s been tough but I know I can do this. One day at a time!

    Thanks for your emails they help!

      1. Reframing thoughts has been perfect for me so far. I was a drinker for 45 years and it seemed impossible to consider not drinking alcohol at all.
        When I read Kate’s statements about how much time we can spend thinking about drinking, and how much it can rob us of, I began to think differently.
        I haven’t had any alcohol since early August, when I got my first email. I have also just enjoyed a two week all inclusive holiday “UPGRADE” ( Thank you, Kate ) and managed to re connect with my husband – I think, because I could really focus on what is important.
        I am a nurse, and was initially afraid of delirium tremens (which is what I think you may be concerned about). So I would recommend contacting your GP if you drink very large amounts of alcohol, or think you may be at risk. But new ways of thinking will be part of any success story around alcohol, I’m certain.
        I hope your clear headed journey begins soon.

  4. I’m in my first two days so feel committed but I’ve been here loads of times so not confident I’ll see it through. However if i do i also know it will be a big boost. I’m 75 and have never really felt proud of myself. So i want to be sober for the rest of my life and experience everything fully.

      1. Really enjoyed the talk today. I have tried many times to stop. No luck. But today I am going to give it another day. I am 73. I am committing to 1 day at a time. And today is hard as joining friends for dinner. But so so sick of drinking wine.

  5. I stopped drinking from 10/05/2012 to 17/09/2012. I just decided and did it!! Then went out for a meal for my daughter’s 21st and my ex husband said I’m ordering some wine would you like some? That was it ….

  6. It’s an odd conundrum. I’ve done 3 weeks now and I am feeling ok. It’s getting easier.

    I did sober October a few years back, but then I was checking off the days until I could drink, I never had any intention to quit. I think if I committed to 6 weeks, I’d have the same mindset.

    I’m committed to becoming a non-drinker. I may have some setbacks, but if I keep playing it forward, I’ll eventually lose the urges and cravings.

    1. You’re right Nicola, mindset is the key to making sobriety stick. That’s exactly the premise of my coaching and myth busting whilst educating women about alcohol and the merry-go-round of moderation in a supportive community. Don’t just take my word for it, have a listen to some of my past students: https://thesoberschool.com/reviews/

  7. Hi all, just feel I cannot stop, any promises to myself don’t work, need professional help but can’t do as tight with my little one and don’t want to leave her without ‘mummy’. My closest ones don’t know and scared to tell them.. Any way to get out of this? Any ideas welcome pls..

      1. Thank you Dawn, I really appreciate ur reply to my message. What is ur situation? Have you given up drinking or trying to? If the 1st one, how did you manage to do it? I’m looking for ideas as mine don’t work… Thank you in advance, Kat

        1. Honestly? I listen to Kate’s pep talk almost everyday. And I come here, to this place, and be with many other women like us—trying and backsliding, trying and doing, figuring out the edges of where we can be. The metaphor Kate used this week—of sobriety being like going back to school—has really helped me this week actually. I’d never let my kid just not go to school, so I’ve been kinda channeling that “tough luck, you’re doing this because you have done hard things before” mantra and it seems to be working this week. I also find it helpful to remind myself that there is no “right” time to quit booze. There will never be a “right” time. The right time will never magically appear before me because I’m human, and humans hate change and would prefer the path of least resistance, so we can always talk ourselves out of movement towards or away from something. Also, I heard somewhere that a craving for anything (booze, sugar, etc) lasts for about 3 minutes. If I can sit with the discomfort of not drinking for that amount of time, I can make it clear to the other side of that craving and be free again. I just let the wave of craving wash over me, and that helps too. Not anything too profound in what I’m saying here, but maybe it can help you feel not as alone if you know we are all employing many differing devices and thought processes as we approach sobriety.

          1. Hi. I am Pat. Also 73. I too am sick of drinking wine. I drink like 4-6 daily. Never used to in younger days but it’s like this is when I sit and finish my day. I am signing up for sober school. Good luck today. I have family coming so hard for me as they don’t drink,

  8. I’ve “started over” so many times and blew it again two days ago. I’ve read your books and followed you for years. I am committing to choose sobriety again and I want this time to be the last. Everyone in my life has given up on me.

    1. Sobriety is less about willpower, more about choice by educating yourself about ethanol, to give it its’ proper name. Let me help you create an alcohol-free life that you don’t want to numb out from 🙂

  9. I’m on my almost 3rd week off and am beginning to feel the benefits already. It’s the finishing work and reaching for the wine that is the hardest I feel. Any advice?

    1. I have found a lovely drink called Kombucha to have instead of wine. It is fermented tea and has a natural fizz.According to the writ-ups it is also very good for the gut. I sometimes dilute it with fizzy water.
      I have been a habitual daily wine drinker for several decades but now am 50 days AF.
      It was difficult for the first few days, now I feel so good I cannot imagine drinking ever again.
      I was helped by a supportive son and Sober School especially ‘play it through to the end’ pep talk.

  10. This really resonated with me. I used to regularly detox for a month a couple of times a year but as time has gone on I seem to be. Ore dependant on booze to ‘help me relax but I know really I have alcohol addiction. I started a new job in January. I wanted to leave after the first month. Then after 3 months. I’ve been there more than 6 months now and I still have good and bad days but I turn up every day and do my best. I know I need to change my mindset and I do want to but somehow I never quite stick to it. I realise I need to do something different and so am going to try again. Thank you for tge inspiration

  11. Hi Kate;
    It’s been 1 yr and 7 months for me and I don’t even think about drinking alcohol. I have picked up my sewing and painting again, and just in general feel so productive and fierce. I will be forever grateful to you. Whenever anyone expresses interest in the journey I’ve given them your name. I just wish I would have found you sooner.

    Thanks for your essential & wonderful work,
    Rebecca

  12. I keep saying to myself I will cut down (and sometimes I do.)
    I will buy 1 bottle of wine and make it last 3 days but I don’t I drink all the bottle , I started drinking every day And I stopped walking exercising because I’m too tired to do anything Iv put on weight I am 61 and work full time and I feel drinking is over talking my life
    I want to stop to see how I would feel , I haven’t drunk any wine tonight but it’s hard not too

  13. Definitely good to set a goal. Mine is 100 days and I am at 88. I feel so much better both mentally and physically and have been to a number of social events in that time and felt no longing to drink alcohol.

  14. Perfect timing for me! Just made the switch from teaching to development/fundraising at 48 … back to full time and no school holidays but I’m much happier. However, there are lots of events and a lot of booze around at them – I can’t go that way; I need all my focus and my energy in this new role and new busier life. So here I go again!! ‍♀️

  15. I am 4 weeks in and doing well so far .I am going on holiday today for one week and am worried that I will weaken.
    I have found non alcoholic drinks in the UK that helps me to cope. These are not available in Spain. I will look for alternatives. But am anxious about trip

  16. I always fail after 4 days, after watching the latest video I realise that I have never really tried to stop, just stop for a few days. I want to be strong enough to actually stop or do I?

  17. I’ve been watching your videos and reading your blogs for a few weeks. This one really resonated with me. I’m successful in so many other areas of my life and have worked hard to get where I am with my business but it hasn’t been easy and there have been ups and downs. I consider myself to be pretty resilient. I never thought about apply that thought process and skills I already have to my drinking! I am on day 2 of no drinking and have set a 6 week goal. I’m keen to join your next group also. Thank you so much for your insight, I’m glad I found you!

  18. Hi Kate!
    I am one of your many success stories. I took your course January 3,2022 and have not had a drop of alcohol since. It has been difficult at times of course but it is truly the best thing I have ever done for myself! Thank you!

  19. Hi, I have just started to go without wine as was drinking 4 days out of 7. Do you think it’s appropriate when starting out to agree with yourself to drink once a week on a Friday as long as you don’t drink for the rest of the week? This is empowering me to stay wine free during the week but is it something that anyone feels is appropriate? Any opinions or ideas welcome

  20. okay I did four days without alcohol. but tonight just drove me there… I would have been so pleased if I only had drunk one bottle of wine but am on second bottle.. lots of emails for voluntary work to reply to, prep for meetings… plus caring for my husband 24/7. Plus I seem to be a person that people feel they can talk to about their problems without realising I have my own.

  21. Thankyou for all the inspirational videosI’m nearing three months sober and every day gets better and betterThe help and support from The Sober School is pricelessThankyou

  22. Good Morning Kate. I just discovered your website this morning. I am a 60 year young, hard working mom, wife of 39 years and career woman and I have been working to change my life by getting out of the vicious circle of drinking nightly and fighting to keep up with it. I am on day 51 and I do wish I had read some of your messages earlier because I have absolutely learned that we need to give sobriety a fair chance in order to really “see” the how and why of the nightly bottle (s) of wine are controlling us. I have tried and tried to stop and finally I made the commitment. Thank you for your insight, I will continue to follow and learn from your wisdom.

  23. Hi Kate
    I happened to find your page this morning and couldn’t wait to get home from work to listen and view the videos. All you had said was so on point. It was everything I had felt. tonight is my first night. Wish me luck in finding me again.

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